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OH wants to move next to ex!! AIBU?

139 replies

UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:13

Hi all, just want some unbiased advice and views. So OH and I are looking to move house so is his parents. We have been looking at various places and OH suggests an area that I have never been to but I’m open to that. Coincidentally as I was chatting away with his parents they also suggested the same area as my OH. Hmmm strange! So I questioned OH on why they are all obsessed with this area and asked if his parents had been there before(they haven’t) but I knew something was up. Turns out my OH’s ex lives in that exact area(which is quite a small town). I can’t help but feel like they are all plotting behind my back and I feel stupid especially after seriously considering moving there. I don’t know if it’s the fact that his ex lives there or the fact that I wasn’t told and my OH and his family were planning this without my knowledge. I get they can move wherever they want to and so they should but I just feel disrespected that I wasn’t told. What if we all bumped into each other or ended up living a couple of minutes away. We wanted to move for a fresh start away from everyone that has let us down and tbh brings nothing but negativity, but yet they don’t mind moving a street away from my OH ex. Am I being unreasonable???
Thanks for reading x

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

TheMotherlode · 07/04/2021 07:14

Does he have kids with the ex that he wants to be near to?


Justcallmebebes · 07/04/2021 07:15

Does your OH have kids with his ex? That would make more sense


steff13 · 07/04/2021 07:16

What would happen if you bumped into each other? Just say hello slightly awkwardly and then go about your business?


UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:16

Hi no he doesn’t have any kids with her, we have just had a baby together.

OP posts:

Blessex · 07/04/2021 07:18

Do you feel threatened by the ex? Is that why you are worried?


DDiva · 07/04/2021 07:20

It does seem odd to single out that area if you're looking for a fresh start. However why would it be such a problem, is she very toxic ? Are you likely to bump into her slot ie school ?


FOJN · 07/04/2021 07:20

It's difficult to tell from your OP why you are concerned about this. Is there a backstory about him staying in touch with his ex, do his parents constantly talk about his ex? How long have they been split up? What are their reasons for choosing this area, does it have lots going for it? Is this a move across country or a few miles down the road?


knittingaddict · 07/04/2021 07:20

You describe it as a small town. That's hardly living next to, is it. I was expecting you to say in the same street.


HeartsAndClubs · 07/04/2021 07:20

I don’t see the big deal, and your thread title is misleading.

So he happens to want to move to this town where it just so happens one of his exes lives. And? Maybe it’s a nice town. Assuming you’ve had no problems with this ex in the past, so what if you run into each other? It happens.


ButIcantsitonleather · 07/04/2021 07:21

Don’t move near the ex and for Christ’s sake, don’t move near your inlaws. Shock


UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:21

No I don’t feel threatened I honestly don’t even know her and have never had any issues arise but just want to move and have a fresh start without dealing with any rubbish or having old ties. The main thing is I feel like they were all planning this behind my back and I was unaware of why they all were talking about this area.

OP posts:

Jenjenn · 07/04/2021 07:24

I doubt they are "plotting". They probably said it because you OH had mentioned it earlier. Why does your OH prefer that place over others?


UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:25

It’s at least two hours away from where we all currently live so quite a big move. No problems from the ex although early on in our relationship OH threatened to leave and go back to this ex. He did later say he was just angry and didn’t mean it but you can’t take back words and you can’t remove them from someone’s mind .

OP posts:

steff13 · 07/04/2021 07:25

If they all want to live there because the ex lives there, that is weird. But if it's a nice area, friendly, good schools, etc., and she just happens to live there, I don't think it's a big deal. Is this an ex wife? A woman he dated for 6 months?


startfrom1 · 07/04/2021 07:30

I probably wouldn't think too much into it. However, if his ex moved and he insisted on moving where she's gone again, then I would be concerned.


TheMotherlode · 07/04/2021 07:31

What makes you think they are all plotting to move there because the ex lives there? Are you sure that’s actually their motive?

How did you find out that the ex lives there, if you don’t even know her?


UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:33

Thank you all for the replies, it’s good to hear others views as it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own thoughts. I don’t know why this bothers me so much but unfortunately it does. I just feel really pissed off about it and resentful towards OH for even suggesting we move there. Maybe I need to just get over it 😏

OP posts:

notanothertakeaway · 07/04/2021 07:33

"Plotting" sounds rather melodramatic


Mylovelyhorsee · 07/04/2021 07:33

This all sounds a bit strange and immature.


UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:34

I found out she lives there because when I asked my OH why everyone wants to move there and what the link was to that specific area he admitted that his ex lives there

OP posts:

KoalaOok · 07/04/2021 07:35

I think it is odd that they didn't tell you sooner that would annoy me more than living near the ex.


Blessex · 07/04/2021 07:38

So be threatened to go back to this ex early on in your relationship. Hmmm well yes of course that would be preying on my mind. But you decided to have a child together so it must be more stable than this right ?


ButIcantsitonleather · 07/04/2021 07:41

Ok how long were they together, OP?

How long have you been together?

How do you get on with his family?

And how old are you both?


fantasmasgoria1 · 07/04/2021 07:44

To me it sounds very odd. I would be having a very thorough and honest conversation about this with him as I think he and his parents wanting to move to be near his ex is strange.


PomegranateQueen · 07/04/2021 07:45

I would be very wary of going through a big move with a man you do not completely trust. What would happen if you suggested a different area?

Do you have a support network where you live now? Do you currently have a job? Since you have a baby please think very carefully before giving these things up, especially as you don't have the legal protections of marriage. Only ever move if it is beneficial for you and your child.

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