OH wants to move next to ex!! AIBU?

[UmiZumi]

Hi all, just want some unbiased advice and views. So OH and I are looking to move house so is his parents. We have been looking at various places and OH suggests an area that I have never been to but I’m open to that. Coincidentally as I was chatting away with his parents they also suggested the same area as my OH. Hmmm strange! So I questioned OH on why they are all obsessed with this area and asked if his parents had been there before(they haven’t) but I knew something was up. Turns out my OH’s ex lives in that exact area(which is quite a small town). I can’t help but feel like they are all plotting behind my back and I feel stupid especially after seriously considering moving there. I don’t know if it’s the fact that his ex lives there or the fact that I wasn’t told and my OH and his family were planning this without my knowledge. I get they can move wherever they want to and so they should but I just feel disrespected that I wasn’t told. What if we all bumped into each other or ended up living a couple of minutes away. We wanted to move for a fresh start away from everyone that has let us down and tbh brings nothing but negativity, but yet they don’t mind moving a street away from my OH ex. Am I being unreasonable???
Thanks for reading x

[lottiegarbanzo]

And yes, more emotionally, the idea of an existing child / desire to get back with her, plus the willingness to move you away from your friends, rings alarm bells.

Is the ex attached? Does she have DCs? Do the PILs like her?

Your language about being able to support 'your baby' is odd. Do you really see yourself and your baby as a unit, that just happens to have a father attached at the moment? Does anyone else involved see it that way?

[HoppingPavlova]

In your initial post I assumed ex meant ex-wife or someone he had lived with for a decade. Two years! So what. Goodness me, if I had to rule out suburbs because ex’s (by your definition) lived in them when DH and I were first looking for a home we would have been severely restricted in locations taking both his and my ex’s into account.

I’ve certainly had suburbs on my ‘yes’ list that I’ve lived in with ex’s because they were great suburbs and I lived living there, great amenities etc. Why would I write them off?

[NeilBuchananisBanksy]

This whole thing sounds crazy.

What about employment? You say you have a job, how would this factor into a move?

[Monr0e]

OP has already said it is a not very nice, run down area that the inlaws don't even know and the only thing her partner could say about it was that his ex lives there.

She has also been there and doesn't like it. So with or without the ex situation, it wouldn't be somewhere she'd want to move to. And equally, doesn't understand why her DP and inlaws do want to move their.

[mybonnieliesovertheocean2]

You have been to the area, you dont like it, he has threatened previously to leave you and return to his ex...so that is a big no from me. Glad your financially independent and have told them your not moving there.

[JingsMahBucket]

@UmiZumi I honestly think he may be cheating and is lining up a way to dump you if you move to that town.

[littlepattilou]

@UmiZumi I can't believe a third of voters think YABU.

Of COURSE this is unacceptable, and no WAY would I be tolerating it! Urgh, there's nothing worse than being with a man whose family preferred his ex. Not the case with me and DH, as I was his first proper girlfriend, and his folks took to me straight away, but I did have a couple of boyfriends before him, whose mothers kept harping on about his ex! And I know a few other women who have a MIL who always liked her son's ex more!!!

You are not 'overthinking' anything. Your OH and his family want you and your OH to live near his ex - and them! Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Put your foot down quickly, before it's too late. Say, 'no WAY!'

[lockdownalli]

This does sound a bit odd....

I think you should look for somewhere where you will have your own support (not his parents, and certainly not his ex)

[CuddlyDudley71]

So there are 49,071 towns, cities and villages in the UK and he wants to move to the one where his ex lives?......right......

[Inertia]

If you currently have job stability, your independence and friends around you, you need to make sure that any move allows you to keep all that plus add in extra consideration for nursery/ school places, changes to commute etc.

Lots of alarm bells about this move, as previous posters have suggested.

[warmandtoasty2day]

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2

You have been to the area, you dont like it, he has threatened previously to leave you and return to his ex...so that is a big no from me. Glad your financially independent and have told them your not moving there.

this, 100%

[Leeds2]

I wouldn't be moving to an area I knew nothing about and didn't like, and the only thing my DP knew about it was that his Ex lived there. Particularly if moving there meant you had to leave what you say is a good job.
I would be minded to stay put, or at least move somewhere where I could still easily commute to work and where I had an existing support network.
If PILs want to move to the area where the Ex lives, so be it. It doesn't mean you have to.

[Steph64]

@littlepattilou:
Of COURSE this is unacceptable, and no WAY would I be tolerating it! Urgh, there's nothing worse than being with a man whose family preferred his ex.
^^
This, I’ve had 30 years of it, it doesn’t get any easier. We’ve had to put enormous distance between us and the rest of the family just to stay sane. The ex is a complete nutter and has lapped it up.

It’s hard to believe DH’s parents put the ex before him (no kids, no marriage), but they did. MIL has eluded to some regrets now, but we’re not interested, it’s too little too late. They assumed DH would do what they wanted, which was to fire me off and marry her ( which ex desperately wanted). Our children were unwelcome when they arrived too.

A polite distance is maintained.