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AIBU?

OH wants to move next to ex!! AIBU?

139 replies

UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:13

Hi all, just want some unbiased advice and views. So OH and I are looking to move house so is his parents. We have been looking at various places and OH suggests an area that I have never been to but I’m open to that. Coincidentally as I was chatting away with his parents they also suggested the same area as my OH. Hmmm strange! So I questioned OH on why they are all obsessed with this area and asked if his parents had been there before(they haven’t) but I knew something was up. Turns out my OH’s ex lives in that exact area(which is quite a small town). I can’t help but feel like they are all plotting behind my back and I feel stupid especially after seriously considering moving there. I don’t know if it’s the fact that his ex lives there or the fact that I wasn’t told and my OH and his family were planning this without my knowledge. I get they can move wherever they want to and so they should but I just feel disrespected that I wasn’t told. What if we all bumped into each other or ended up living a couple of minutes away. We wanted to move for a fresh start away from everyone that has let us down and tbh brings nothing but negativity, but yet they don’t mind moving a street away from my OH ex. Am I being unreasonable???
Thanks for reading x

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Kimye4eva · 07/04/2021 07:45

Maybe they didn’t mention it because it’s completely irrelevant to their decision?

Is it a nice town? Are there reasons to be attracted to it?

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crazychick89 · 07/04/2021 07:48

Maybe they just all really like the area and didn't mention his ex living there because that would put you off. Doubt it's anything to do with the ex. hardly think his parents would be in on any plotting after you've just had their grandchild. Maybe you're feeling a bit paranoid? But I wouldn't live there if it's such a small town an ex lived there and I'd see them regularly.

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Passiveobserver · 07/04/2021 07:48

Why do they all want to move there?

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BMHM · 07/04/2021 07:51

I would feel a tad misplaced at not being told. It may be that the area is lovely, and OH always liked that area, which is fine. He could have just said "I'd like to look at this area, I know it as ex lives there, but I always liked it and think you will too for reasons x y and z"

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longwayoff · 07/04/2021 07:52

Or maybe parents said how about moving to blaggington? We like the sound of it. And he said yes, its nice, would be ideal but dont let my current partner know that Ex lives there, you know what an exaggerating over reactor she can be. She'll think it's a plot to undermine her.

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SunIsComing · 07/04/2021 07:53

If you’re support network is where you live, stay there. Your marriage sounds kind of rocky. Why would he want to live near his ex?

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JorisBonson · 07/04/2021 07:55

He said "I am moving there because I want to live near my ex"??

I'd be letting him move there on his own.

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ElderMillennial · 07/04/2021 07:56

When I read your OP I assumed he had children abs I was going to say I can understand them wanting to be close by but I can also understand not liking the feeling that you are being kept in the dark

However if it's not about children I don't really understand, unless it just happens to be an area they have all liked for a long time

This would make me not want to move there tbh

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harknesswitch · 07/04/2021 07:57

I'd simply judge the area on its own merits. If you find a house you love then great.

Sounds like your dh and his dp's probably like the area, but may have been concerned with your reaction, rather than plotting.

I found a house I liked in the same village as my ex, but I've got kids with him so immediately ruled it out. He's a bad influence on our dd so I need to keep some distance.

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UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 07:59

His parents had never visited the area before and only know of it due to the ex. I did go and visit the area and tbh it was quite run down and schools aren’t very good in the area. I don’t know anyone there and i would be leaving my support network to move there. I don’t fancy bumping into his ex on a regular basis especially as we’re looking for a fresh start. I personally wouldn’t want to bump into my ex all the time or even live close by. I do overthink things but I would have liked to know before considering this move. I may be slightly paranoid and that’s exactly why I wouldn’t want to live there as I don’t find it to be productive. I work full time and enjoy my network of friends at work and moving so far away would be a big step for me. OH admitted he wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot so why would they think it’s okay for me? OH expressed my views to his parents who just dismissed it and went ahead with the multiple viewings. I don’t see the big attraction as I said the area is run down and tbh it’s not got great reviews.

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saraclara · 07/04/2021 08:00

It's a small town two hours away that both parties are (separately) suddenly bringing up as a place to move to? And the ex lives there?

I'd want to know their reasons. I'm surprised that other posters are so cavalier about it. There must be many many towns within a two hour radius. Why this one?
I think it's perfectly reasonable for OP to be somewhat thrown by this. It does seem like conversations have gone on behind her back. Way too much of a coincident otherwise.

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Motnight · 07/04/2021 08:01

I think that there's a back story here that you haven't told us about, Op. Why are you talking about a new start, what's happened? Why are your PILs moving witg you?

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/04/2021 08:04

I'm sure they haven't picked that area because his ex lives there, they probably just think its a nice place to live, unless you think they are all trying to get you to move there so your husband can have a secret affair with his ex.
I live in the town I grew up in. Dp moved here to be with me. All my ex's love here, so does one of his, even although he doesn't come from here 🤷‍♀️

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SimonJT · 07/04/2021 08:05

So everytime a relationship ends do you move to a different town/city so you’re not living ‘nextdoor’?

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UmiZumi · 07/04/2021 08:05

Fresh start just because we don’t love the place we live in right now and want somewhere that can be our forever home and can experience different things as a family. We are not moving with PIL just that we’re both actively looking to move and my OH and parents both keep talking about moving to this area.

OP posts:

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/04/2021 08:06

Ah OK, so it's not a nice place and the parents have never been there. That is a bit weird.

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Quincie · 07/04/2021 08:06

Don't move there.
The fact they have to be devious to trick you into moving there suggests there are some underlying issues they aren't telling you about.
There are not 'good for you' reasons they are wanting to move there, or they would be honest, so make sure you don't give in.

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saraclara · 07/04/2021 08:06

OH expressed my views to his parents who just dismissed it and went ahead with the multiple viewings

Let them live there then. But you choose where you live. It's YOUR fresh start too, and they don't get to dictate where you live. Stand your ground and maintain your proximity to your support network, especially if you're having a baby.

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butterpuffed · 07/04/2021 08:07

Why are you moving anyway, is it to do with your OH's work ? If not, has he given a reason for choosing that area ?

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Quincie · 07/04/2021 08:07

Schools, schools, schools are the main thing even though your DC is a baby. Nursery/ pre school will come round fast

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GreenSlide · 07/04/2021 08:08

@longwayoff

Or maybe parents said how about moving to blaggington? We like the sound of it. And he said yes, its nice, would be ideal but dont let my current partner know that Ex lives there, you know what an exaggerating over reactor she can be. She'll think it's a plot to undermine her.

This definitely seems likely

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Mascaramademehappy · 07/04/2021 08:08

I’d feel the same way you do. I wouldn’t like that they all knew this but it hadn’t been mentioned up front

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shouldistop · 07/04/2021 08:11

I found out she lives there because when I asked my OH why everyone wants to move there and what the link was to that specific area he admitted that his ex lives there

So your partner admitted he wanted to move there because his ex lived there?

Why do you think his parents would be plotting to live near his ex? Is there a big backstory here?

OH expressed my views to his parents who just dismissed it and went ahead with the multiple viewings

Maybe his parents want to live there but you don't have to do it doesn't matter if they're looking at houses really.

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lothermand · 07/04/2021 08:13

I would find that weird and wouldn't be comfortable with it, I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

The fact he said about going back to this ex, would leave a lasting impression in my mind

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Leavethedooropen · 07/04/2021 08:13

It’s very weird that the pils are moving as well. What’s your oh’s view on that?

You are allowed to say, no I don’t want to move to that area and don’t even consider it or do any viewings.

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