OH wants to move next to ex!! AIBU?

[UmiZumi]

Hi all, just want some unbiased advice and views. So OH and I are looking to move house so is his parents. We have been looking at various places and OH suggests an area that I have never been to but I’m open to that. Coincidentally as I was chatting away with his parents they also suggested the same area as my OH. Hmmm strange! So I questioned OH on why they are all obsessed with this area and asked if his parents had been there before(they haven’t) but I knew something was up. Turns out my OH’s ex lives in that exact area(which is quite a small town). I can’t help but feel like they are all plotting behind my back and I feel stupid especially after seriously considering moving there. I don’t know if it’s the fact that his ex lives there or the fact that I wasn’t told and my OH and his family were planning this without my knowledge. I get they can move wherever they want to and so they should but I just feel disrespected that I wasn’t told. What if we all bumped into each other or ended up living a couple of minutes away. We wanted to move for a fresh start away from everyone that has let us down and tbh brings nothing but negativity, but yet they don’t mind moving a street away from my OH ex. Am I being unreasonable???
Thanks for reading x

[FindingMeno]

I missed that you have a baby.
Have you examined why there are friend problems where you are?
Really give it some thought.
Could bridges be built back with them? Is where you are now unsuitable to raise your baby? Do you have support where you are now?
Did you have friends and support where you are now before you met your ex?

[Inertia]

Is it you that gets tired of your friends and family (ie your support network) being nearby? Or is it your partner? Because this reads very much like a man looking to isolate you from your family and friends, at a time when it’s difficult for you to find a new job / support network, with that already-voiced threat of the nearby ex if you step out of line.

I would not be going along with any of this .

[UmiZumi]

They call themselves friends but actually are not always want want want without ever being there or returning the favour. Have asked to borrow money and then it’s been a hassle to get back. Looked after their children which became too much of a habit so we have had to say no and take a step back which has caused arguments

[Bluntness100]

How long were they together and how long ago?

I can’t decide if you’re being weird, because most folks have plenty of ex’s and if you avoided every where they lived you’d struggle to find some place to live, or if they are being weird and actually want to live next to the ex.

[Jobsharenightmare]

Of all the towns that are two hours away from you in all four directions, this is a strange choice.

[WildfirePonie]

Stay put OP. It sounds weird to me, you should keep your job otherwise you'll end up depending on him financially.

I wouldn't be able forget his comment about going back to his ex....

[Chewbecca]

I live in a small town, it would be impossible to avoid living near ex partners so it doesn’t bother me.

Your title suggested you were moving next door & I would draw the line there.

I think you need to have an open conversation about what you are looking for from a new town and consider where meets the criteria.

[JingsMahBucket]

@JensonsAcolyte

I’m a cynical old bag so I would assume that he wants to go and start a new life with the ex and his parents, but wants to make sure his baby is nearby.

So he moves you all there and then leaves you for her, you’re then stuck there.

@UmiZumi what @JensonsAcolyte posted is exactly what I thought too. This is shady as hell. It sounds like he’s looking for a way out of your relationship and his parents are enabling him like a lot of parents do for their sons. I wouldn’t move at all. Let him move by himself and you can negotiate visitation. DO NOT give up your job and support network.

[UmiZumi]

@Bluntness100
I am too wondering the same thing. This is why I thought I would get some opinions of others as it’s easy to live inside your own head and be oblivious to other views or reasoning

[FindingMeno]

Sorry my last post should have read before you met your OH

[EffOffCovid]

@ButIcantsitonleather

Don’t move near the ex and for Christ’s sake, don’t move near your inlaws.

This

[UmiZumi]

They were together for just over two years. I don’t know the exact timings of their relationship but I do know she was the ex before me. He didn’t live there for exclusively but stayed with her majority of the time.

[4Mongrels]

What reasons have they given for choosing that particular place?

[UmiZumi]

They haven’t given any reason at all for wanting to move there this is what I can’t understand. The only possible reason is that I know they are looking for a good price and houses are considerable cheaper there

[LemmysAceCard]

Can you refuse to move OP, as in its your house too and your OP cant just turf you out?

I wouldnt want to move there either, they have no ties, no connections, PIL had never even been, you said it looked run down, so what it the reason they are all desperate to move there? It doesnt add up.

I would refuse to move there myself, dont leave your support network, it will be a life line if your suspicions about his ex are true.

[Same4Walls]

@JensonsAcolyte

I’m a cynical old bag so I would assume that he wants to go and start a new life with the ex and his parents, but wants to make sure his baby is nearby.

So he moves you all there and then leaves you for her, you’re then stuck there.

That's exactly what my first thought was. I'm quite suprised so many have said it's not a weird thing for them all to be considering, I'd absolutely feel like they were planning something behind my back.

[PricklesAndSpikes]

You're not married and have a baby. Please tell me you are working and / or have plenty of savings? What happens when you tell your OH you don't want to move to that town as it doesn't look very nice and the schools aren't very good? Does he say okay, we'll look somewhere else or is it "his way or the high way"?

[WildfirePonie]

@UmiZumi

They call themselves friends but actually are not always want want want without ever being there or returning the favour. Have asked to borrow money and then it’s been a hassle to get back. Looked after their children which became too much of a habit so we have had to say no and take a step back which has caused arguments

You don't have to be in contact with these so called friends. Just block them all and be done.

They all sound like CFs anyway.

You could stay and find decent friends, keep your job and not live near OH ex and this weird set up.

[Moondust001]

@UmiZumi

No I don’t feel threatened I honestly don’t even know her and have never had any issues arise but just want to move and have a fresh start without dealing with any rubbish or having old ties. The main thing is I feel like they were all planning this behind my back and I was unaware of why they all were talking about this area.

I really think you are overthinking this. There is no evidence that this is anything other than a nice town that they happen to know about because someone they know lives there. I can see absolutely no plotting going on, and actually no reason why they should even mention that they know someone in the town. It's a nice town, that's all.

[WildfirePonie]

I'm with the cynical pps. Sounds like he's going to ditch you for his ex.

Go with your gut feeling. Something isn't right.

[HotPenguin]

I don't understand why you would move 2 hours to a place that isn't that nice, what about your jobs? Is the plan for you to both find new jobs? Why can't you move say 30 minutes away so that you are closer to your existing network? I think this is dead fishy and you should not move.

[UmiZumi]

I have a very good job and I do have saving I’m not financially dependant on anyone for myself or my baby. Yes I have said I am not moving there and there wasn’t much conversation after that! OH’s parents have said they can move where they want and I did tell them I don’t want to live in that area and they became abit funny and just said well move where you want

[JingsMahBucket]

@UmiZumi there are a lot of red flags here. Stay put, keep your job, and invest time in your reliable support network. Block the flaky spongers on your phone and social media. Do not move.

[Peppermintfluffysocks]

I would be more concerned about living so close to the inlaws tbh

Can't see them all plotting to live beside this ex, I've never known a set of grandparents to want their grandchilds home to be split up and to purposely pre plan this its all very strange, surely they would want their son to be with his child's mother and not a random ex girlfriend? However you know them all and clearly its something you think is going on however its very strange to me.

I would imagine its just a really lovely town but I wouldn't be moving there if I thought anything more sinister was going on.

[Lovemusic33]

I would be more worried about moving to the same town as the in-laws rather than his ex, I wouldn’t want the in-laws that close 🤣.

I live rurally and the nearest town houses several of my ex’s, do I ever see them? No.