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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Dyra · 06/04/2021 16:39

It is annoying. But they change so much as they get older. DD looked exactly like her dad from the get go. She's now 19 months and it's only just now, if I look very closely, I can see anything of me.

DNeph looked exactly like his Dad up until the age of 2. Then he looked exactly like my brother for about a year (his mum is our sister). He's coming up 4 now and is a mix of both parents.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 06/04/2021 16:41

'Since she was born'. This has only been 7 weeks! Don't worry, the more she grows, the more she will change.

I think all newborns look like men in the 40s!

She'll grow into her face

FrancesSaid · 06/04/2021 16:41

PrudenceDictates
Given that mirrors are a very recent invention - relatively speaking - this seems unlikely.
Men tens of thousands of years ago wouldn't really know what they looked like in any detail

I’m sure they’d have been aware of their own family appearance, their own hair colour, their eye colour (from having been told) etc. It would also help a mother know which of her many partners was the dad 😂

Kimye4eva · 06/04/2021 16:41

Just wait until she’s a bit older and says Daddy all the time but refuses to say Mummy. That will really piss you off.

Original poster
Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 16:42

Thanks for the comments (@agnesnaismith massive lol ref Hev! And thanks for the supportive words!)
Hormones, tiredness and struggling partner are def not helping me be the most rational ..and i love my baby to bits...I think she's beautiful too...I'm clearly juts being unreasonable:-)

OP posts:
BeeDavis · 06/04/2021 16:42

I mean, wow.

Henio · 06/04/2021 16:42

My daughter was the image of her dad when she was born, she's now 2 and is my absolute double

lanthanum · 06/04/2021 16:44

Mine looked like her dad when she was born, now much more like me. It does change, and even the child who is the spit of one parent will sometimes suddenly show glimpses of the other - perhaps from a particular angle, or when they grin/frown.

I once showed my DH a photo of a child of friends we hadn't seen for years, and asked who's child he thought she was - I saw a very strong resemblance to one parent. He correctly identified her, by her strong resemblance to the other parent!

Laytwir024 · 06/04/2021 16:44

She'll change. She'll probably be your double age 3. If not, she'll have your personality! I agree it's annoying but try to roll your eyes and enjoy her. She's yours.

SpringtimeSummertime · 06/04/2021 16:45

I have a DD who is now late teens.
When she was born she looked like her Dad, when she was 1-2 she looked just like me at that age. At 4-6 she was Dad again and so on. Now, many people say she looks like a carbon copy of me just with different colour hair but I can see a lot of her Dad in her.
Children are a real mix and I am the same. At some stages of my life I have looked just like my Mum and at other times, my Dad!
Enjoy watching her change & grow!

IggyAce · 06/04/2021 16:46

You’re been irrational I’ll put it down to the hormones. Both my dcs are the double of their dad. As they have got older I sometimes get a glance of me in them or their mannerisms. My DD looks more like me now she wears glasses.

RandomUsernameHere · 06/04/2021 16:47

I get where you're coming from. Different situation but DD looks like me but MiL constantly goes on about how she looks like DH and also like SiL's baby (SiL's baby actually looks exactly like the dad)! I find it so annoying, irrationally so, but I don't know why she goes on and on about it! Pretty much EVERYONE says DD looks like me, even strangers come up to me and comment on it.

cafedesreves · 06/04/2021 16:48

Please don't worry! You're just hormonal and exhausted! She is beautiful and will become more like you as she gets older!

stevematekatemate · 06/04/2021 16:49

Don’t worry OP. My DS was the image of his dad but now looks more like me except for his chin which is still like his dad.

expectopelargonium · 06/04/2021 16:50

When I was born and my dad visited the hospital, my mum said to him; "I don't know why you've bothered coming, I've been looking at your face in that cot all day!"

I can assure you that I did not look all that much like a middle-aged man for long. Grin

fluffythedragonslayer · 06/04/2021 16:50

I totally get it OP. None of my kids look like me and never have and it does piss me off! All my friends have little miniature versions of them and I have three mini DHs. (No they aren't all boys either).

It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but I voted YANBU as I totally get being annoyed by it!!

babypinkelephant · 06/04/2021 16:50

My two year old daughter doesn't look anything like me or my husband but is the spitting image of her grandad.

There's bigger things to worry about

NoWordForFluffy · 06/04/2021 16:51

@MargotMoon

Could be worse. My daughter went through a phase of looking like Wayne Rooney when she was about 6 months old (and no, my name's not Colleen!) Grin
So many roads I could go down with this! 😂

My DD looked like her dad initially (my SiL - his brother’s wife - who I don’t get on with, made a point of mentioning it at every possible juncture). She’s the spitting image of me at the same age now, so things do change (as per the many PP above who got here before me!).

Idontbelieveit12 · 06/04/2021 16:51

I have 3 children, they all looked like their dad when they were newborn. Now they are older one is the double of me, one is the double of their dad and one is a mixture of both of us.

MatildaTheCat · 06/04/2021 16:52

@Dorset555

Thanks for the comments (*@agnesnaismith* massive lol ref Hev! And thanks for the supportive words!) Hormones, tiredness and struggling partner are def not helping me be the most rational ..and i love my baby to bits...I think she's beautiful too...I'm clearly juts being unreasonable:-)
Actually @Dorset555 I think you are displacing your disappointment and frustration that your partner is coping badly. It must be incredibly frustrating to hear everyone cooing over how lovely she is and how like her Dad when her Dad is, in fact, being a bit useless.

Work on getting him on the page and be a bit ruthless about it if necessary. I’m sure if you start a thread about that (possibly not on AIBU!) you’ll get some good advice.

Meanwhile enjoy her. I bet she smells divine .

KurtWilde · 06/04/2021 16:53

I find it odd when people say tiny babies look like one parent or the other. They really don't! Most don't even have their proper eye colour at that age, mine all had blue eyes at 7 weeks and all went brown eyed by 3 months. Don't let it get you down OP, she's only tiny, her features are nowhere near finished developing yet.

Everyone said my eldest was the spitting image of her dad at one, she's absolutely nothing like him now and gets called my double.

percheron67 · 06/04/2021 16:56

What a peculiar post!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 06/04/2021 16:56

Would you rather they said the (most likely) bald, slightly puffy faced, weird head shaped and red faced infant who is currently mostly crying and smelling of shit and stale milk looked just like you?

Seriously, though, the odds are that she doesn't at all - in laws tend to do this; the ex MIL would go on about how DD1 was identical to her father right down to her hair line and colour. Yeah, that red haired child of a redhaired mother (and grandfather) looked just like the baby photos of her olive skinned, thick, darkhaired father. The green eyes that developed were just the same as his dark brown ones, too - and nothing like my green eyes.

And if she does resemble him, he was good looking enough for you to want to make babies with, wasn't he?

Seriously, ignore them, enjoy your lovely baby and be happy.

MimiDaisy11 · 06/04/2021 16:57

It'll be worse when she's a teenager and people say it. Even if it's true don't tell teenagers they look like a 50-year-old man. I used to hate that!

ladywithnomanors · 06/04/2021 16:58

How strange. Who did you expect her to look like? Hmm