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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
belle40 · 06/04/2021 16:58

All babies look like their father. It is a genetic throwback to help bonding between father and child. If it is any consolation, my ex partner (child's father) was questioned very closely when our child was 2 as they looked completely like me at this point.

Scottishskifun · 06/04/2021 16:59

It's very common as said it's a survival thing.

When my son was born even the midwives kept saying well there is no doubt who's his dad..... 🙄 Thanks I'm married and certain my DH is my babies father.....
My son is still the double of his dad in looks, hair, personality etc but they have a really close bond.

Encourage your dp to speak to the GP and also to bond it will help him (and therefore you).

Vindicated2021 · 06/04/2021 16:59

I get it OP. Really pisses me off when all I get is "Ooh mini Mr Vindicated" neither of my two look like me.... In anyway shape or form.....they do have my personality though which is great because their father is a miserable bastard! Park rides and all that!

steppemum · 06/04/2021 16:59

dd1 looked so like my granny that my mum picked her up (12 hours old) and said GOOD GRIEF it is like holding my mum in my arms!.
It really was shocking. My uncle hadn't seen her until she was toddling and she walked into the room and he went WOW she is so like XXX (my granny)

But she is now 16, and while I can see the family resemblance in lots of ways, she is so much her own person, it is irrelevant.

Ds has his dad's colouring, and my dad's build, and his uncle's head shape....

dd2 looks just like me. To the extent that someone I know said - at last you have one that looks like you! But now she is 13, she really doesn't.

It is actually one of the fun things about having kids, that you see echoes of their genes in them as they grow up, sometimes a passing moment, some things that stick, but it is just a lovely way to see that they belong to me, my family, my dh and his family.

Just enjoy it.

daisyjgrey · 06/04/2021 17:00

My daughter looks nothing like me or her dad. She is however, the spitting image of my sister 🤷🏻‍♀️

Outofplacetoday · 06/04/2021 17:01

My dd was even the spit of dh at the 4d scan. It was creepy.

Now she's 3, she is literally my clone. They change so much

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/04/2021 17:03

@Soubriquet

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

I was going to post exactly the same thing.

It's evolution's way of preventing the male from killing the baby and immediately re-impregnating the mother. (This happens a lot in nature - in pride's of lions, a new male coming it to the pride, taking over from the old male will kill all of the cubs. This brings the females into oestrus and they mate with them to nurse that their own genes get perpetuated.

She will change a lot - don't worry about it. By the time she's finished growing and changing she will look like herself, and the likelihood is that whichever of you is standing beside, she'll resemble.

Sarahtrue11 · 06/04/2021 17:03

Do you think that some people have stronger genes than others?

Look at Brie Bella - she is interesting she was a USA wrestler. Please google her kids if you dont know her.

She is very dark-skinned and is Mexican, her husband is white and blonde haired. both of her children are white and blonde, and look exactly like their father. Both children are the image of their father. You really couldnt tell their mother was related to them. They look absolutely nothing like her at all,

Diamondella · 06/04/2021 17:03

When ppl say she looks like her dad it does t mean they think she looks like a 40year old man! They’re saying she must have similar features. Both my children look like their dad but then you’ll get someone come along and say “oh I can really see you in her”. I couldn’t care less either way, it’s just stuff people say about babies kids, they will also remark on how big or little the baby/toddler is all the time too, all goes over my head. Are my children happy? Yes. Ok, I’m happy.

awaynboilyurheid · 06/04/2021 17:03

My first born looked so like her dad, I met an old friend from school who said she must be like her dad as she looks nothing like you! Any way fast forward years later we are like clones,look alike and have same taste in most things its spooky sometimes! Its well known first borns resemble their dads it's natures way to help keep dad at home and bonding with baby!

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/04/2021 17:03

I still feel annoyed my youngest doesn't look anything like me and he's 16!

Babies tend to look like their Dad. When she's developed her own personality it will bother you a lot less.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/04/2021 17:04

*prides, not prides.

(Sorry about that - I HATE an aberrant apostrophe)

AmyDudley · 06/04/2021 17:04

People always feel compelled to say baby looks like one or the other parent - its because there isn't a huge amount to say about a baby (in reality most of them look like Yoda).

Your baby will change as she grows and may well turn into the image of you, also even if she continues to resemble her father she may well have a similar personality to you.

I remember being out with my son when he was very small and a woman came up, looked at the guy beside me, looked at DS and said 'he looks just like his Dad' - as it happened I was with my BIL who had taken me to the supermarket - he definitely was not the Father Grin

catmandont · 06/04/2021 17:04

When DC were born, my family thought they were the spit of DH and his family thought DC looked like me. I think sometimes you hone in on the unfamiliar???
Anyway DC are now teenagers with a pretty good mix of our features

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/04/2021 17:05

@SchadenfreudePersonified

*prides, not prides.

(Sorry about that - I HATE an aberrant apostrophe)

And now it takes the f*cking apostrophe out!

Bleedin' auto-sodding-carrot! Angry

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2021 17:07

Op how are you feeling generally? There is a tone of unhappiness and resentment in your post, could you have a touch of pnd?

Sarahtrue11 · 06/04/2021 17:08

Mothers seem to be very jealous.

You often hear mothers say:
you get that from your dad
you look like your dad, (awful) etc

I think a lot of women seem to think that if they grow the person inside them, that they totally own the child, and that the dad is less important.

I was about to start a different thread on this actually. That I think one of the biggest abuses of power that we see in the world today is how mothers treat their children, tending to think that they own them like objects, and not seeing them as human beings.

zafferana · 06/04/2021 17:09

Your DD may well change a lot OP. DS1 looked more like DH when he was born, but now, aged 13, he looks much more like my side of the family. DS2, OTOH, looked a bit like my dad when he was born, but he's the absolute spitting image of DH now, in miniature. As for me, I look like my dad and DH looks like his DM (but female/male versions of them obv!)

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 06/04/2021 17:10

@Sarahtrue11

Mothers seem to be very jealous.

You often hear mothers say:
you get that from your dad
you look like your dad, (awful) etc

I think a lot of women seem to think that if they grow the person inside them, that they totally own the child, and that the dad is less important.

I was about to start a different thread on this actually. That I think one of the biggest abuses of power that we see in the world today is how mothers treat their children, tending to think that they own them like objects, and not seeing them as human beings.

Ah yes, ‘mothers’. That homogenous mass who all think as one.
DarkMatterA2Z · 06/04/2021 17:12

Most babies are quite ugly. Maybe take it as a compliment that people say she looks like her dad, not you, at the moment.

Xiaoxiong · 06/04/2021 17:12

I have this - two DSs who were the image of their dad when born. DS1 now looks a lot more like me, it's interesting how they change over time.

I used to make a joke out of it - "there certainly aren't any paternity questions here...don't know who their mum is though..."

Lolwhat · 06/04/2021 17:13

Wow

Soubriquet · 06/04/2021 17:13

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Please tell me autocarrot was a mix up and not a deliberate mistake...cos that would be hilarious GrinGrin

JustLyra · 06/04/2021 17:14

Babies always look like their dad.

Also, people sometimes say that as just something to say. I’ve been told that DS1 is my “absolute double” which is amusing because he’s actually technically my step-son,

ArianaDumbledore · 06/04/2021 17:14

Only one of my 4 favoured me as a newborn. MIL declared in all seriousness, that although he mostly favoured me, the top couple of centimetres of his forehead did not and was "definitely from his dad". Neither of us has a remarkable forehead.

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