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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:

tututastic · 06/04/2021 19:58

Please email yourself this thread OP and revisit it on your baby's birthday

summerisler · 06/04/2021 19:59

Enjoy your little darling baby - time goes so fast. If it makes you feel any better my DS looks like my mum and my DD looks like my father in law and my DH. Her name is a feminised version of her dad’s name and it fits her so well. I love that she looks like her Daddy - it’s adorable.

Brainfogmcfogface · 06/04/2021 20:02

My daughters are both mixed race, but easily pass as 100% black, most strangers don’t even think their mine! It’s happened a few times where I’ve been asked if I know where their mother is, and even I think yabu. That’s your baby, end of. And at least no one will question paternity.

Barneybear11 · 06/04/2021 20:02

This is not real!?

VodselForDinner · 06/04/2021 20:04

And when she grows up and if she has babies, they might look like him too.

Don’t get mad at genetics.

TheVelvetiser · 06/04/2021 20:04

When my eldest was born my SIL insisted she looked like her, even stuck photos on Facebook declaring that DD was her mini me. She got totally carried away with the idea and even booked a photo shoot for the two of them. It cost her a small fortune and now she has a full set of pics with her posing alongside an infant who looks nowt like her but who does actually bear an uncanny resemblance to Max Branning.

salcombebabe · 06/04/2021 20:07

When my boy/girl twins were born exH family kept saying ‘oh doesn’t he/she look exH, his sister, cousin so&so’ etc etc. It used to really wind me up as I felt like I was just the incubator 😡 Anyway, they changed so many times over the years and, now, at 24 they look like themselves no one else. At last are similarities between me, my family and my twins!!!

ivfbeenbusy · 06/04/2021 20:09

You realise it's an evolutionary thing......that all babies look like their fathers....it's so they know who is the father ......some animal species when a new male takes over a pride of lions say or a pack of wolves the new male will kill all young that aren't his. Whilst not as extreme it's the same principle

tolerable · 06/04/2021 20:09

congratulations!!!on birth of your child.
the change in a baby from newborn-12 months-will astound you(especially when its your own) most have lottle ka;ediscpic abilities,,and can alter greatly ...in looks.
least of your worries. you gony love her anyway yeah.
get dad on board...photo shoots/him +baby..you n baby_ ..skin to skin helps i think...if teeny id prib hang back at fling in bath together....but ..any bonding is good...for yall.
its a bloody shock to ststem. try work together// most of all enjoy your baby.x

CandyLeBonBon · 06/04/2021 20:10

Yes. You are being unreasonable. And a bit ridiculous. Put it down to post part I'm hormones and put it to one side.

You've just made another human being. You've done an amazing thing. Her looks are not important.

sykadelic · 06/04/2021 20:10

My son was the spitting image of his dad as a baby! In fact, he looked a lot like his sister too (especially while out and about).

He was moon-faced with white BLONDE hair. He's now (at 4.5) more narrow faced and dark blonde/brown. People say all the time that he looks like me, and then they'll see my husband and say he looks like them.

My SIL said the other day that when she sees one of us next to him that's when she thinks he looks like that particular parent. So fret not.

In the struggling partner thing... there IS such a thing as PND/PNA for the spouse. My husband had bad anxiety with our son. He can't watch a movie with a crying baby (still) without getting anxious. He used to not sleep the night before it would be "his day" with our son (if I had to work and daycare was closed). Its easy to tell someone to suck it up, you've got it worse, etc etc, but there's still struggles from all sides.

imalmostthere · 06/04/2021 20:11

It's biology, they all look like their dads to start. My DD was the spitting image of my DH, it was almost creepy! She didn't look anything like him by 6 months, and now age 6 she is my twin.

imalmostthere · 06/04/2021 20:13

@TheVelvetiser

Well this has made my day 😂😂😂

Armi · 06/04/2021 20:15

My baby looked like her father when she was born. I love him very much, so that was fine with me. Now she’s much older, she still very much resembles him, but her features are very fine and beautiful, and she’s not wrinkly, bald and stubbly like her daddy.

Try to get some sleep. This will pass.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 06/04/2021 20:15

Just because she looks like her dad now it doesn't mean she will look like him forever so I wouldn't really think about this. My 1st daughter came out looking just like Daddy but over the years she has gone through phases of looking like him, then looking like me and now she looks like both of us.

Igmum · 06/04/2021 20:15

I look spookily like my dad. Always have. But my colouring and personality are very much my mum's. Don't worry OP. You're absolutely in there. And congratulations ❤️🥰

lazylump72 · 06/04/2021 20:17

oh dear god above...lets just hope its the hormones talking.

Lullaby88 · 06/04/2021 20:23

My daughter looks like her Dad. Initially she looked like me then she slowlllyyyy merged into her Dad at around 3 months. And the comments came in from only his family members tbh. Thyd say she looks like him when he was a baby without even knowing what i looked as a baby lol. I even got told a 'pre' sorry but he looks just like hubby. I dont mind anymore. Polite people would say oh what a wonderful mix of u both!
I once met a stranger she looked at baby and said shes really cute she looked at me and said oh she doesnt look like u? Altho i do think im a different type of cute i couldnt help but feel like saying oh so im not cute dont b so shocked lolll.

LimpLettice · 06/04/2021 20:38

As everyone else said, it's normal, but they change so fast. DD was so like her dad when she was born that someone I had never met before recognised her as his child while we were out buying bread. He wasn't with us! Now she is my double; blonde and blue eyes to my dark, but otherwise utterly me.

DS1 was born the spitting image of my dad, to the point it was making me cringe a bit breastfeeding! At 2.5 he is just like his dad.

DS2 shares a dad with his brother but not DD, and yet looks like an exact mix of his brother and sister and nothing like either of us.

Nsws2015 · 06/04/2021 20:43

My 2 older children look like their dad but I have dark hair like them and I can see hints of me in them. My 11 month old son.....he's the double of his daddy, blonde hair and blue eyes (just missing the big beard 😂) I literally can't see any of me in him, but he's absolutely scrumptious and when we found out we were having a boy I said I wanted a little blonde haired blue eyed boy and I got just that!

madroid · 06/04/2021 20:43

If your DH is having trouble adjusting do you think people are just trying to be encouraging when they the baby looks like him?

And that it might actually help?

Frazzled2207 · 06/04/2021 20:44

You are overthinking. Everyone said the same when I was born. I'm now 42 and still look like my dad! However certain facial expressions of mine apparently are very like my mum. I definitely look like a woman!
Meanwhile one of my sons looks very like me I'm told. He definitely looks like a boy though!

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 06/04/2021 20:54

I believe that a baby looking like it’s dad is a survival thing. It means that they are less likely to be rejected by their father.
I used to hate it, but now I can see more of me shining through. My eldest face looks more like my husband but has my hair and eye colour. My youngest’s face looks more like me, but has my husband’s hair and eye colour.

Cam77 · 06/04/2021 20:58

Never heard the “all babies look like their dad” thing before. The one I heard was that boys tend to resemble their mum while girls more often hold their dad’s features more strongly.

Bubblebu · 06/04/2021 21:00

i think mother nature is saying at the point at which the baby is conceived, that if you are willing to get close enough to the baby's father that conception is possible you cannot be that repelled by the father.
so having a baby who resembles the father should not be too much of a shock................

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