Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 19 20

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:

ReadyPlayerGo · 06/04/2021 19:21

You’re massively overreacting, I’m female and I’ve always looked like my dad. He was very handsome in his youth and middle age and obviously my features are more feminine than his. Be pleased with a healthy baby.

crispychicken12 · 06/04/2021 19:22

Why have a child with someone if you didn't want them to look like him?

Blacktothepink · 06/04/2021 19:23

My first 2 were doubles of me and the last 2 clones of their dad, but are now a mix of both our features.

evilharpy · 06/04/2021 19:23

Mine looked the image of her dad when she was born but very quickly changed and is now my doppelganger. They do change. My mother in law likes to claim she looks like her dad but it's very very obvious that she looks like one of us and it ain't him.

It really doesn't matter though. I wouldn't care if she looked like him, or like neither of us.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 06/04/2021 19:23

I can't believe this thread is real. You (presumably) had sex with a man you didn't mind the look of, so your child resembles him. Honestly I don't even know what to say. If this is the biggest concern you have in life, your baby looking like your partner and not you, the rest of your life must be a bed of roses. I think you have a lot of maturing to do if you're going to manage parenting and everything it's going to throw at you.

Sceptre86 · 06/04/2021 19:23

Yabu but you've just had a baby so be kind to yourself. First borns do tend to look like their dad, everyone said that about my dd at first. She is now 5 and very much favours me. My ds though is a spitting image of his dad, not an issue as my dh is a beauty.

Saxineno · 06/04/2021 19:24

Katela18 · 06/04/2021 19:24

I do kind of get this although you are being unreasonable but in a way I can empathise with.

I had an incredibly traumatic pregnancy and birth, followed by a 5 week NICU stay and my daughter was the spit of my partner. I felt this way! Like it was so unfair that you go through so much as a woman and can't see one bit of you in the baby!

However, she is now the total image of me and has been since about 5 or 6 months. So give it time, as she grows you will probably start to see more of yourself.

MiddlesexGirl · 06/04/2021 19:25

@Soubriquet

All babies look like their dad when they are born

I think it’s a survival thing so men of olde would say the baby was theirs because it looked like them

This.

Leavemealone2 · 06/04/2021 19:26

My daughter looked like my husband as a newborn, she looks just like me now. The females on my husbands side are quite attractive though too so looking like her dad isn’t and wasn’t a bad thing.
Babies change so much.
I think it is an odd thing to get upset about.

Mummaofboys93 · 06/04/2021 19:27

My kids looked like their dad when theure born. I do believe there is a reason for it, but I am not sure of the reason. Babies change so much, I think you're making a big deal over nothing. My 2 eldest are 10 & 5 & alot of people say my 10 year old really looks like me. I don't see it, I still see his dad. Doesn't bother me in the slightest, as long as they're happy & healthy.

Countrygirl2021 · 06/04/2021 19:30

If she looks like a 40 year old bloke when she's 24 then perhaps I would worry but for now I think she's probably ok.

It's nice she resembles the person you love enough to make a baby with surely?

BakewellGin1 · 06/04/2021 19:31

Both my DS were born dark hair, darker features, looking just like their dad

Now 12 DS1 is built like his dad but looks a mix of both. Hair/brows have lightened to light brown and eyes more pale

Younger DS now two has nearly blonde hair but kept dark eyes/brows

To be honest as babies both changed frequently

Mimi91 · 06/04/2021 19:34

My DD looked just like her dad for the first few weeks and now at 8 months, she is my spitting image and I can't see any of her dad in her at all!

This could be total rubbish, but i heard that its common for family members on the dad's side to look for signs that the child is indeed the dad's 🙈 they are subconsciously reassuring themselves! I had all these comments too...she has his hair, eyes, jawline, etc..

pettyprudence · 06/04/2021 19:35

My first born looked just like his Dad at first, but had my ears and now he looks more like me (he also looked a bit like Ian Hislop for a few months). The second one looked more like me to start with (I could never see it though, but strangers would always comment) but now looks more like her cousin on her Dad's side. I made sure both of them said "Mum" for their first words though

BountyIsUnderrated · 06/04/2021 19:35

I can't really say who mine looks like but he's changed so much over the past 10 months I keep flip flopping back and forth.
I understand op I think it's normal to feel a little jealous when you've been carrying them around for 9 months.

However I'm sure soon it will seem such an insignificant thing and you will come to see not just the physical traits your baby shares with you both but the little cute personality quirks as she develops.

Italiangreyhound · 06/04/2021 19:40

I cannot believe some people have come on here and said their mean, spiteful little comments, you must be exceeding bored today to bother with this shit. OP please tune out the stupid comments.

1forAll74 · 06/04/2021 19:41

YABU, and a little bit strange , thinking about your baby in this way. I have seen a few babies who don't look like either of the parents for some time.

PrincessesRUs · 06/04/2021 19:42

Totally understand this - I was the same with my first who was the image of her fathers side of the family. Now, at three she looks more like me when I was little. I make an effort to always point out when babies look like their mothers as I think what you describe is really common

glittereyelash · 06/04/2021 19:47

Babies change so much as they get older. My son looked like nobody in the family for ages now I can see features from all different family members. She won't be small for long so enjoy the baby cuddles

RiverMeadow · 06/04/2021 19:47

I just can't take this seriously. Absolutely bonkers.

TroysMammy · 06/04/2021 19:49

Isn't it something to do with nature? Lion cubs fathered by an ousted male are usually killed by a newcomer. In nature a baby that resembles its father is safe. Children change, if they didn't I'd be bald with a massive nose.I

My niece in some photos resembled her Dad's father when she was born, she was bald too. Now she looks a mix of her mother and me.

GingerScallop · 06/04/2021 19:50

My boy had straight reddish hair, very pale skin, blue eyes and a face like his dad. Nothing like me (I travelled a lot long haul in his first year n was often surrounded by people asking if he was mine. Am black with Natural C4 hair). Now almost 3 he looks nothing like his father. Hair, eyes, skin, all changed colour as did his face. According to some, for self preservation, babies often start life looking like dad to get compassion and safety. They eventually settle into their own features. Plus looking like dad doesn't mean looking like a man. Enjoy your daughter's changing face

Roodicus21 · 06/04/2021 19:55

Most kids I know look like their dads. My dc did when small but it's slowly changing. They still don't look like me though- just themselves. Don't get worked up about it

blubberyboo · 06/04/2021 19:56

She will most likely grow up to look more like you or at least a bit of both. Apparently babies all look like dad at first but us women always end up looking like our mothers

She will change and you’ll find strangers who don’t know her dad will comment that she looks like you

Maybe you both are having a little trouble bonding or settling into parenthood and this is the tangible thing you are focusing on.
but it’s still early days for both of you

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 ··· 19 20

Swipe left for the next trending thread