Symptomatic husband too 'busy' to get a test?!

[lifejusthappenss]

Dh had symptoms come on yesterday, new continuous cough and a fever. He's kept me up all night so far coughing so badly and woke up the baby

I work in a hospital and am well aware as he has symptoms I should self isolate until he has a test. Issue is dh is ridiculous and insists he hasn't got time to self isolate or miss work, he's travelling for conferences this week and has lots to do surely if you're travelling for work it's more important than ever to get a test and not become a super spreader across the UK!! I know he's worried the results won't come back in time but it's the right thing to do

Anyway we've just had an argument over it at 3am!! He said he was going to sleep downstairs so I can get a good sleep for work and I said I won't be going to work in the hospital with you like this until you've you've been tested and he scoffed that there's no chance. So what do I do if he refuses? Besides me thinking he's massively unreasonable putting other people at risk because he's too 'important' I also feel he's putting me in a difficult position at work? I'm not going into a hospital if someone I live with shows symptoms but will have to be off the full 10 days if he doesn't test?

Is the conference taking place somewhere public where he's going to come into contact with people outside of his business? I didn't realise that was even a thing now, how times have changed

Realistically Im not sure what options you have other than contacting his employer or the venue to warn them but that's not going to go down well with him.

You're in a really difficult situation.

Is he this selfish in other areas of his life?
You can't force him to take a test, but what kind of peson values himself above others in such a way?
Inconveniencing you and your by having to isolate, putting other people at risk.
Does he usually prioritise himself in such a way at huge expense to others?
This would be causing me much consideration as to the nature of the man I have hooked up with.

Swab his nose in his sleep.

Agree he’s already risking his job. Employers won’t tolerate people turning up potentially infecting others with obvious symptoms without a test. He needs to book a test an inform his employer ASAP.

I’d remind him that vulnerable people are now more likely to come into contact with him and how would he feel if one of his siblings/ parents/ close friends was vulnerable and being put at risk by someone who is too important to get a test or isolate.
I feel more sorry for the people that are potentially going to be unknowingly infected by him who have been shielding for the last year.

Hopefully he woo be too ill to travel.

How unbelievably selfish.

How awful to be married to someone who truly doesn't give a damn about others.

It's people like him that have wilfully caused others to die.

Mind yourself OP.

He's showing you exactly who he is.

Do you know a school /college child with a stash of LF tests ? He could do one at home to give an indication .

@rwalker you simply put an with no gap at the start of the bit you want to quote followed by another again with no gap. But this is usually done when you are not using the whole message, to quote that bit by MrsTP you would just use the quote button which does it for you.

Felt I needed to do that MN civic duty. Cannot abide shouty caps when not warranted

OP do you fear he sees getting covid as some sort of weakness which is why it looks like he has it but he won't get it confirmed because then it would be absolute proof he had it? I think I would just book the appointment and tell him you are driving him if he is too ill to drive himself. You could hide his car keys and yours just in case then he cannot take himself off to work.

I think you are getting the brunt of his frustrations about the situation but even the most adamant covid minimiser would surely have a problem turning up to work coughing up a lung. I think he will change his tune this morning.

@Cuntryhouse

Just book you both tests.

Why? OP doesn't have symptoms

Inform Track and Trace.

@Cuntryhouse

Just book you both tests.

He's said won't have a test and it's a 50 drive away. I don't see how making a booking helps in any way as that's not the limiting factor.

What type of work is having conferences? is this in the UK?

I don't understand the issue with mass testing either, but that's not a relevant factor in this particular case.

If he's actually going to a physical conference (although this seems unlikely?) then I'd call them and tell them he was symptomatic.

Are we quite sure he's not leading a secret double life he needs to get back to, though? No superpowers? No spy gadgets? Or a whole other family in a neighbouring town? One can't help but wonder, if he's that determined to head off out in these circumstances!

@sandgrown

Do you know a school /college child with a stash of LF tests ? He could do one at home to give an indication .

You shouldn't use LF tests if you already have symptoms.

Because he will have to have a test and I would put last night down to him being grumpy and throwing his toys out the pram. I would book the tests, get ready and go. It's not his choice. Surely he wouldn't see her miss 10 days of work when he wakes up and actually thinks about it.

If he is staying in a hotel for a conference or meeting, then notify the hotel.

There are plenty of people who think they are indispensable who are now either deceased or have been in hospital on ICU with Covid 19.

If he goes to work like that, having not had a test and he passes it on, I wouldn’t wonder that his boss tells him to go home and never come back.

@Cuntryhouse

Because he will have to have a test and I would put last night down to him being grumpy and throwing his toys out the pram. I would book the tests, get ready and go. It's not his choice. Surely he wouldn't see her miss 10 days of work when he wakes up and actually thinks about it.

He might have changed his mind but from what the OP says it doesn't sound like he will. She can't realistically manhandle him and a baby into the car for a 2 hour outing and if he does have covid she should be keeping herself and baby as far away from him as possible imo

My BIL was like this when he didn't want to self isolate when my sister had covid. So so selfish! Thankfully after a lot of arguing he listened to her.
Pp are right if he goes to work and someone notices the cough or he spreads covid he will be in a lot of trouble. My work place have said it's grounds for dismissal if we were to go to work instead of isolating.

op - if you work in a hospital, don't you have a whole box of LFtests in the house? You know, for your twice weekly testing?

If you can get him to test (you don;t even have to declare it, just phone it in as -ve ) at least you will both know whether he is actaully Covid +ve or it's maybe something else entirely.

IF he then knows, and still goes about his business as +ve, and fully knowing this, you can LTB.

BUt you can't - phone the hotel/his boss/all the other people that PP think you should.

You shouldn't use LFTs when symptomatic- people lin schools generally know that, so people in hospitals deginitelymwill.

As he is not PCR testing, his choice, he needs to,self isolate for 10 days.

I'd be calling him in sick to his employer. It's really not on to travel when symptomatic.

No-one's job is that important.

Unfortunately, it's seems some people are that selfish and thick

@lorca

op - if you work in a hospital, don't you have a whole box of LFtests in the house? You know, for your twice weekly testing?

If you can get him to test (you don;t even have to declare it, just phone it in as -ve ) at least you will both know whether he is actaully Covid +ve or it's maybe something else entirely.

IF he then knows, and still goes about his business as +ve, and fully knowing this, you can LTB.

BUt you can't - phone the hotel/his boss/all the other people that PP think you should.

We have lfts from school but I'm pretty sure you're told not to use them if you have symptoms. You have to have a per test. It would be even worse to get a negative from using the wrong test, he'd be off like a shot and the OP would never hear the end of it.

How can he turn up at work coughing?? He's deluded.