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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

513 replies

Shitmotherright · 06/04/2021 01:09

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Quillark · 06/04/2021 09:13

"My mum made a big deal of my stretch marks when I was teen and was fond of the expression 'thunder thighs'; I was a size ten. It won't surprise you to hear that we no longer speak."

Same here, same nickname and everything!

MyBug · 06/04/2021 09:15

Is the op a joke? That is a serious question. Why on earth would you say that to her? Why?.
Stretch marks are hereditary. I had some on my inner thighs as a teen but they are gone now. I am petite and have had 6 large babies. There isn't a single stretch mark on my stomach. That is absolutely NOTHING too do with me just me genetic make up.
You will be giving her real issues drawing attention to it. Stop it with the shaving too. I have 3 daughters and have never once helped them with shaving. They have all decided to because of peer/social pressure but I was reluctant to let them start and told them they didn't need to. They used my razors anyway of course, but I never encouraged it.

corcaithecat · 06/04/2021 09:16

I rarely bother shaving my legs and I wouldn’t have been impressed if my mum had told me to when I was a teen.

The shit you’re saying to her now will stay with her forever and undermine her self esteem.

Focus on only saying positive messages from now on and try your best to undo the damage you’ve already inflicted!!

AutoIncorrect · 06/04/2021 09:17

You just need to stop. That’s it. Just stop.

LoudestCat14 · 06/04/2021 09:17

Please stop telling her to apply the cream. The stretchmarks will fade without it and all you're doing, well intentioned though it may be, is reminding her that she has them. You could be really damaging her self-esteem, which already sounds fragile.

BringMeTea · 06/04/2021 09:18

This is a joke, right? No one is that thick. Oh, wait...

Spudbyanyothername · 06/04/2021 09:18

No evidence bio oil would make a difference. Stretch marks fade whatever you do. Don’t be a dick and give it more importance than it deserves

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 06/04/2021 09:18

I got stretch marks during puberty. They faded quickly. No one ever pointed them out to me or told me to put cream on them.

Charlieiscool · 06/04/2021 09:19

Totally your job to point out every fault she has. So helpful. Great for her self esteem and confidence.
What do you think? Kind or a bitch?

Worried1305 · 06/04/2021 09:23

Reading this thread has made me really sad. The guy I had my first serious relationship when I was 18 commented on my stretch marks. I tried to tell him that they were normal for women who had gone through puberty, and he just smirked and said I had them because I was fat. I was a bit overweight at the time but the stretch marks had nothing to do with that. He made me feel so ashamed of something that I had no need to feel ashamed of, and I’m still very hurt by it, over 15 years later.

The only thing that made it better was hearing my mum’s voice in my head telling me that stretch marks were normal. I knew she was right; unfortunately my dickhead boyfriend refused to listen.

Please, OP, try to normalise stretch marks for your daughter - we all have them and there is nothing wrong with them. We don’t need to try to make them go away!

notanothersaveusername · 06/04/2021 09:25

Leave her alone. Bio oil doesn't stop stretch marks, nothing does. They will fade with time. Back off and stop giving her a complex. Encourage her to develop confidence in her appearance, not be embarrassed by it

Feelinghothothottoday · 06/04/2021 09:25

I would have resented my mum if she had pointed out my stretch marks and told me to shave my legs. At that age I was trying to oppose all stereotypical female things as puberty was shocking enough.

Nith · 06/04/2021 09:27

My mother used to "remind" me helpfully all the time about the need to watch my weight when I was a teenager. It made me go off and wade into the crisps and other snacks.

Wife2b · 06/04/2021 09:31

I’d back off OP. In a few years they’ll fade anyways. It’s her choice to decide if she wants to use the oil or not, she knows where it is if she wants to.

CatherineMorland · 06/04/2021 09:36

I wish my DM had bought me something for stretch marks and reminded me to apply it.

I didn’t realise there was anything I could do to help, and hated having them when I was older.

AnnaMagnani · 06/04/2021 09:39

Developing stretch marks is normal for a growing teen - it doesn't mean you are fat.

They fade naturally and Bio-Oil does fuck all to help.

Leave the poor girl alone.

Teardrop2021 · 06/04/2021 09:41

I'm gobsmacked they fade and going silvery can't even see them after a while. Even Dh has some slight stretch marks when he grew up. I can't believe you made such a big issue your poor dd

Ebony999 · 06/04/2021 09:41

Your OP sounds as if you are trying to change your daughter into the child you wished her to be and look like. The issue lies with you.

ScarfaceCwaw · 06/04/2021 09:44

@CatherineMorland

I wish my DM had bought me something for stretch marks and reminded me to apply it.

I didn’t realise there was anything I could do to help, and hated having them when I was older.

There wasn't anything. And if she had done that it would have made zero difference.

Creams don't get rid of stretch marks. Creams only affect the very top layer of the skin. Stretch marks happen below this. Claims to the contrary are marketing bullshit.

Mousetown · 06/04/2021 09:44

@CatherineMorland

I wish my DM had bought me something for stretch marks and reminded me to apply it.

I didn’t realise there was anything I could do to help, and hated having them when I was older.

There is nothing your mum could have bought you to prevent or help stretch marks. The only thing bio oil will do is make them fade very slightly faster than if you left them to fade naturally.
Ideasplease322 · 06/04/2021 09:45

I got stretch marks at age and was so ashamed. My dad pointed them out one day (They were also on my legs). I was mortified, I still remember Where we were, what I was wearing and what exactly he said.

I was 13, I haven’t worn shorts since. He didn’t say anything cruel, just asked what those marks are.

Leave her be,

SuperintendentHastings · 06/04/2021 09:45

@ismiseeire

I suspect that most commenting have never had a teenage girl.

Wrong.

fassbendersmistress · 06/04/2021 09:45

Please stop asking her if she has used the cream? I promise you that no matter what your (misguided) intentions are, she is hearing you tell her that her busy is not perfect and she needs to do something about it. No child needs that.

RealisticSketch · 06/04/2021 09:45

@Remaker

I have a 14 yo DD. Introducing them to options is one thing, but when you start reminding them about beauty regimes you’re overstepping the line and policing their body. The only reminders they need are about personal hygiene and taking care of themselves medically. Everything else is optional.

DD used to shave her legs a couple of years ago but isn’t so bothered about doing it now. And she isn’t bullied for it. This generation is actually a lot more body confident than I remember being. It’s the mothers that need to relax and stop imposing your ideas of beauty on them. I don’t understand the obsession with fixing all your kid’s perceived flaws “so they don’t get bullied”. How is it better to have your own mother highlighting everything that is wrong with you?

This. Better to concentrate on building her up on her positive qualities not drilling her on some minor physical thing if you want to improve her prospects for the future.
fassbendersmistress · 06/04/2021 09:46

Body not busy!!