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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

513 replies

Shitmotherright · 06/04/2021 01:09

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/04/2021 08:39

Weird post. I can't imagine why you even needed to check the MN 'barometer' with this, OP? You're her mother, another woman. How do you not realise? You're answering selectively anyway, ignoring the swathe of posters telling you how off this is, so nothing more to be said.

Eivor · 06/04/2021 08:41

I can’t imagine doing this to a teenage girl, particularly one who already, obviously has real issues that need addressing.

People have body hair, stretch marks, cellulite, scars, spots, moles, birth marks etc etc...you should be teaching your DD that these things are completely normal and not worth her time worrying about if mentioning them is necessary at all.

SandSeaBeach · 06/04/2021 08:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

puppychaos · 06/04/2021 08:42

Goodness. I've never shaved my legs, have big stretchmarks I've never tried to hide, and I'm still alive and kicking! You'd think if she didn't conform to mainstream beauty standards she'd spontaneously combust! Leave her be.

Kenshi · 06/04/2021 08:48

Tbh OP all bio oil does is heal them slightly faster so they're going to look the same once they've healed whether she applies it or not. I also had stretch marks at this age it's completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Even boys get them on their back if they shoot up in height. As for the legs she'll do it if she wants to it's her own personal choice.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/04/2021 08:49

How are people eating this up...

Fembot123 · 06/04/2021 08:49

My younger DD has dark hair on her legs and I never mentioned it, she begged me to let her shave it and I struggled with that as I don’t see it as an issue and did try and impress on her how normal it is but equally it’s her body so I let her and she hasn’t bothered since that initial time.

Fembot123 · 06/04/2021 08:50

@SchrodingersImmigrant

How are people eating this up...
People like a shoutathon 😂
ladygindiva · 06/04/2021 08:51

@ismiseeire

I suspect that most commenting have never had a teenage girl.

They are obsessed with their asses and six packs these days. Unless I put on Tiny Pop, that's the media they consume. Tits, ass, fashion.

She could of course be a child more into National Geographic, but it's doubtful.

For a teen not to be into shaving her legs or armpits is unusual. I would buy her the nice razors, hang on until I can link

Something like this gillettevenus.co.uk/en-gb/shaving-products/womens-razor/refillable-razors/venus-comfortglide-snap-spa-breeze-razor/

You don't have to teach her how to shave her legs. There will be a youtube video.

I have a 23 year old daughter thanks. And I was a teenage girl once. Never enforced body shaving as an ideal, nor had it thrust upon me by my mother. Taught my daughter to be healthy and hygienic, anything else was up to her.
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/04/2021 08:52

@SchrodingersImmigrant

How are people eating this up...
Because it hits all the high notes, doesn't it?

I can't imagine any mum or any woman needing to post this but then perhaps I have no imagination...

Kokeshi123 · 06/04/2021 08:52

Stretch marks should really be called "tear marks"--they are caused by breakage in the collagen under the skin. You can't prevent or cure them by rubbing stuff into the skin.

I had some noticeable ones as a teenager but they faded and are now almost invisible--just faint silvery lines that you can see in certain lights.

I know your intentions are kind, but reminders to put on bio oil are only going to make her self conscious.

ladygindiva · 06/04/2021 08:52

I'd like to add its maybe because of that approach running through the generations that actually none of us have ever been looks obsessed or worried too much about appearance at any stage of our lives.

Shrivelled · 06/04/2021 08:52

Hair on her legs and stretch marks. 2 very natural elements of being a woman. If someone mentioned I have either of those things on my body (which I do as I choose not to shave), I’d be telling them to fuck off. And I’m a fully grown woman with confidence not an impressionable teenager.

londongirl12 · 06/04/2021 08:54

And people wonder why kids have issues 🤦🏻‍♀️

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/04/2021 08:54

ismisseire Confused

rookiemere · 06/04/2021 08:55

Buying the stuff and letting her know once that it's there is fine.Constantly harping on about it like it's on a par with brushing her teeth is not.
DS 15 has spots, exacerbated I think by mask wearing at school. I bought him a special face wash as thought his 4 in 1 shower gel/shampoo etc may no longer cut it and I let him know where it was, but I'm not going to go on and on about it. It's his face not mine and as long as I've given him the tools to do something about it, then the impetus needs to come from him.

TheVolturi · 06/04/2021 08:58

Horrid to draw attention to anyone's physical imperfections. My mum once said my thighs were getting chubby when I was about 8, I was so self conscious of having fat legs from then on right through my teens.

YukoandHiro · 06/04/2021 08:59

Why should she be conscious of stretch marks? They're totally normal. Please stop going on about it. You're making ME anxious reading your post.

somuchlaundrytowash · 06/04/2021 09:01

Yabu. Leave the poor child alone. Stop reminding her to put on oil she probably doesn't want to use. She will be aware of her stretch marks and doesn't need you reminding her.

jessstan2 · 06/04/2021 09:01

The op means well and no doubt will back off now.

I wish my mother had taken a bit more interest - not too much of course. All she ever showed was distaste at me growing up, she told me nothing! At the same time, she allowed me no privacy. I went around quite scruffy at times.

It's not always easy to find a balance when dealing with teenagers.

justwaydamin · 06/04/2021 09:02

She's probably quite smart and knows that no amount of lotion or potion will make any difference to any stretch mark Grin be pleased you're raising a clever daughter who won't fall for advertising nonsense!

Lalliella · 06/04/2021 09:05

Leave her alone and stop making comments about her appearance. You’ll give her a complex, if you haven’t already. If she thinks her own mother is judgemental about her what will she expect from others? Just stop.

BeagleEagle · 06/04/2021 09:05

@Dumbledorker

My 10 year old daughter noticed stretch marks on her thighs and asked me what they were. I said "oh those!? They are called stretchmarks. Here look I have loads on my tummy from when I was pregnant with you. What happens is the skin grows really quick and can't keep up so kinda stretches in a way making these marks. They fade though after a while. Most people get them. Yours will be through puberty which is common. When I was your age I was quite shy about mine but we are super lucky now to be in a generation of girls and women who are really really vocal about body positivity and supporting one another regardless of how we look"

Later on she's literally showing her best friend her new stretchmarks on zoom and telling her exactly what I've just said.
Her best friend is looking on her body for some and trying to make every little mark a stretchmark to say she has them too.

You teach your daughters to own them.

That's a great response! Well done you, I'm sure your daughter will grow up with a great body image :)
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/04/2021 09:07

Maybe she isnt shaving her legs because a) she doesnt have to, I'm 35 and I barely ever shave mine. Modern teens are much braver about resisting that sort of sexist crap.
b) shes 14. Who cares what her legs look like she should be out having fun with her friends.

Stretch marks fade easily - by the time she is an adult they will be barely noticeable. They are also really common, most women have a few around thighs or under breasts. I can't believe you drew attention to it.

Maybe she doesnt care? They are just very natural marks, they don't matter.

Remaker · 06/04/2021 09:09

I have a 14 yo DD. Introducing them to options is one thing, but when you start reminding them about beauty regimes you’re overstepping the line and policing their body. The only reminders they need are about personal hygiene and taking care of themselves medically. Everything else is optional.

DD used to shave her legs a couple of years ago but isn’t so bothered about doing it now. And she isn’t bullied for it. This generation is actually a lot more body confident than I remember being. It’s the mothers that need to relax and stop imposing your ideas of beauty on them. I don’t understand the obsession with fixing all your kid’s perceived flaws “so they don’t get bullied”. How is it better to have your own mother highlighting everything that is wrong with you?