To have told DD she has stretchmarks?

[Shitmotherright]

DD14 has developed very quickly over the past year. She is a very withdrawn child. Still holds my hand when we go out, won't go anywhere alone, doesn't speak to many people.
She has, basically, gone from child to woman over lockdown. Periods started, 30DD chest, hips, etc.
She has developed severe stretchmarks on her chest and legs so I bought her some Bio oil and keep reminding her to apply it.
DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'
She has been wearing shorts this weekend and hasn't started shaving yet, although I've offered to show her, so I don't think she's self-conscious. I'm just thinking about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body.
AIBU?

You care about your daughter and are trying to help her.

Help her with what @CovidHalloween? Trying to get rid of perfectly normal stretch marks, which won't go anyway with your magic potion, and making her feel there's something wrong with her?

DP thinks I'm giving her issues but I have never made a big deal of it. Just said 'have you put your cream on?'

My mum makes ‘helpful’ remarks about my appearance. I’m sure she means well, but it just comes across as really annoying and a bit controlling.

It hasn’t given me issues, but it has damaged our relationship.

YABVU! I didn’t get stretch marks until having DC, and they’re mainly on my boobs and my bum. They’re still a purple colour and my Nan pointed them out before and even as a fully grown adult whose confident in her skin, it made me feel a bit shit. Just leave her to it. There’s nothing wrong with stretch marks, one day they’ll fade.

[quote Yeval]@Gwenhwyfar Yes, I got that she'd OFFERED, hence my referencing that word in my reply. And if you want to participate in female body-hating bullshit that's up to you, but maybe we could leave off branding it on our daughters' psyches and maybe having a conversation with them about why it's total bullshit if and when they bring it up, rather than just going along with it like it's totally normal? I'm a feminist too, but I get that not everything I do is compatible with feminism because we live in a sexist society. That's what makes it so fucking hard. [/quote]
Or maybe we could be realistic and explain that there is no health reason for shaving and it's not compulsory, but many women do it. In an ideal world we would be brave enough to be different, but if you do choose to shave, here is a razor and be careful with cuts, etc.
Most women shave themselves so it would be unfair and hypocritical to ban it in young girls who are even more susceptible to feelings of being different from everyone else.

@Gwenhwyfar

"If I, in good faith, believe eating yoghurt will cure acne, notice my teen has spots so buy them yoghurt and keep pestering them to see whether they've eaten it or not, am I being helpful?"

No, but it's not as random as yogurt for acne is it? More like if you bought them spot cream that many people believed worked, but hadn't been proven.

Not random at all- there's a fair bit of research into the importance of gut bacteria for overall health. Live natural yoghurt is said to help with this, so I bet some people would suggest it as an acne remedy.

In fact, I just googled it and found this:

www.google.com/amp/s/www.ndtv.com/food/from-sunburn-acne-to-better-immunity-7-benefits-of-yogurt-that-make-it-a-summer-staple-1840754%3famp=1&akamai-rum=off

So it's not as random as you might think.

It may be well-intentioned but can’t you imagine how truly awful it would be to ha e your mum point out your stretch-marks and give you oil/lotion to “fix” them.

OP, society scrutinises women’s bodies to a hideous degree, what your daughter needs is to feel loved by her mum and dad no matter what she / her body looks like.

@Gwenhwyfar Did I say ban it? No, I didn't. I said let's at least have a conversation with our girls about why women feel forced to do it. So maybe we're agreeing.
And I know lots of women come out with the 'it makes me feel cleaner/it just looks nicer' rubbish, but they say that because that's what society's told them. It's shite. Let's at least be honest about that.

[quote Yeval]@Gwenhwyfar Did I say ban it? No, I didn't. I said let's at least have a conversation with our girls about why women feel forced to do it. So maybe we're agreeing.
And I know lots of women come out with the 'it makes me feel cleaner/it just looks nicer' rubbish, but they say that because that's what society's told them. It's shite. Let's at least be honest about that. [/quote]
Yes, no problem with that, but OP isn't forcing her daughter to do it so imo hasn't done anything wrong.

YABU to think you can prevent stretch marks by applying Bio Oil. It’s impossible to prevent stretch marks.

Poor girl, 15yo DD and I had a laugh about stretchmarks the other day as she's recently noticed she has a few. I just told her it's part of growing and most of us have them. 🤷‍♀️

That article about yogurt is serious search engine babble. Live bacteria can help but most don't get past the stomach acid.

If this thread does any good, maybe it will stop people believing babble and buying snake oil. Remember boots also sell diet pills, and they don't work either. Use brains, people.

Must look and see if the op came back.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I always think this page is full of radical feminists, but then there's a post like this. YABU.

@MolyHolyGuacamole Just what is a 'radical feminist'? You're either a feminist, or you're not. There is nothing 'radical' about being a feminist. There's no such thing as a 'radical feminist'.

Omg. The kid has been a domestic violence victim and now her mum is bullying her. This is horrible.

Just what is a 'radical feminist'? You're either a feminist, or you're not. There is nothing 'radical' about being a feminist. There's no such thing as a 'radical feminist'.

-- misses the point

(Also maybe do some reading on feminist philosophy)

You say you've not made a big deal out of it but you brought your 14 year old daughter Bio Oil to rub into her stretchmarks, and 'you keep reminding her to apply it' daily, and you've wrote to a forum full of strangers to ask if you're being reasonable or not. I think what you're partner said hit a nerve otherwise you wouldn't be asking about this. YABU and your husband is right, you are subsonciously giving her issues. You say you're worried about when she gets older and becomes conscious of her body. I think she's already there, poor thing.

I think giving her the bio oil and saying it will help reduce the stretch marks if she’d like to use it, is not a bad thing, you’ve given her an option to lessen them. Policing it is a step too far IMO.

@murbblurb

That article about yogurt is serious search engine babble. Live bacteria can help but most don't get past the stomach acid.

If this thread does any good, maybe it will stop people believing babble and buying snake oil. Remember boots also sell diet pills, and they don't work either. Use brains, people.

Must look and see if the op came back.

This is my point. Some people believing something doesn't make them suggesting it helpful, and certainly not if they nag about it.

Are you female and your partner male?

Becayse it’s a rate day you see the male showing total empathy and the mother right in there causing some damage,

@ismiseeire

I suspect that most commenting have never had a teenage girl.

They are obsessed with their asses and six packs these days. Unless I put on Tiny Pop, that's the media they consume. Tits, ass, fashion.

She could of course be a child more into National Geographic, but it's doubtful.

For a teen not to be into shaving her legs or armpits is unusual. I would buy her the nice razors, hang on until I can link

Something like this gillettevenus.co.uk/en-gb/shaving-products/womens-razor/refillable-razors/venus-comfortglide-snap-spa-breeze-razor/

You don't have to teach her how to shave her legs. There will be a youtube video.

I have an older teen girl, so obviously been through most of her teens with her now. As a result I know a number of teen girls,

Her and her friends aren't obsessed about their bodies in this way.
One or two are really into makeup and one is very into self tan, but that's about it.

Most of them just aren't that fussed unless they're having a night out, and most of that hasn't happened for over a year.

@mswales What a load of rubbish- shaving doesn't make hair grow thicker! It might appear so because you are blunting the ends so the regrowth is stubbly, but you can't actually make hair grow thicker by cutting it! So over-dramatic!

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Just what is a 'radical feminist'? You're either a feminist, or you're not. There is nothing 'radical' about being a feminist. There's no such thing as a 'radical feminist'.

-- misses the point

(Also maybe do some reading on feminist philosophy)

@MolyHolyGuacamole You brought it up.

I have a general knowledge of feminist philosophy, and 'radical feminist' is never used unless it's by an anti-feminist, a male, or someone who hates women or has misogynistic/self-loathing misogynistic views.

Not read how far this has got but all I can see is nasty remarks about the OP so far.

As her daughter, I'd be glad she was getting a little support about things and is able to speak to her mum.

When I started getting hideous stretch marks all over my breasts when I was 13/14, I didn't tell anyone and thought I had cancer. I was terrified. If I'd have told my mum at the time, I'm sure she would have helped - just like here - and given me some oil to soothe the skin and prevent more damage. I'd have been glad.

I see it as no different to me reminding my 6 yr old son to put some Aveeno behind his knees and elbows before bed to help his eczema.

You should be telling her she is beautiful, that most people get stretch marks and it’s completely normal (that’s only if she mentions them, you should not be bringing it up) and not giving her stuff to try help them go away. You’re going to make her paranoid about them by going on. To many people these days are so worried and changing the way they look like on the outside when everyone needs to be worrying about what the look like on the inside.