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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

430 replies

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:53

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

OP posts:
Slackarse · 05/04/2021 15:53

My DH, 53, is in the kitchen cooking and singing along loudly to 80’s music. Ds opened his door and said ’Omg, what is this music, turn it down!’ My husbands reply was ’What did you say, turn it up? Great idea!!’ and he turned it up. Smile

Frogartist · 05/04/2021 15:53

@TheJerkStore

You say you “just wanted to have fun”, but why did you need to drink to do that?

Because some people actually enjoy having a drink. Did you not know that?

Enjoying alcohol is not the same as needing alcohol to have fun.
GravityFalls · 05/04/2021 15:54

Wow - newsflash - teenagers bored at family get together! Isn’t that time-honoured tradition? We’ve all been there, we’ll all put our kids through it, it’s how you learn to either endure dull occasions with some social grace OR cheer up and join in! Not everything is to everybody’s taste, so what? Kids were bored. So what? Kids get bored! You do boring shit for them, it’s swings and roundabouts.

All the hand-wringing about the poor kids - you know you could take teenagers to the most exciting place on earth and they’d still be bored and find their parents an embarrassment, right? The enjoyment or otherwise of teenagers shouldn’t be something you base your life on or you’re destined to be eternally disappointed. Given that fact, OP was perfectly within her rights to enjoy herself. If she’d sat sober as a judge sipping tea, the kids would still have been bored (and judgey about something else no doubt) and fun sponge DH would be pursing his lips about the fact she had three biscuits or something.

I’m an introvert, I don’t mind lockdown, but you bet your bottom dollar I’d be right on the wine and laughing like crazy on a nice afternoon like that!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/04/2021 15:55

The OP didn’t say she NEEDED alcohol ffs ... she had a couple of drinks in the garden in the sunshine with other people after 4 months of lockdown. Why is that hard to understand Hmm

TheJerkStore · 05/04/2021 15:56

Enjoying alcohol is not the same as needing alcohol to have fun.
But that's not what's being discussed.

People are projecting their own feelings towards alcohol on the OP when all she did was have a couple drinks with family on a sunny afternoon.
No mention of needing alcohol just her telling us how she had a lovely time.

Slackarse · 05/04/2021 15:56

@GravityFalls spot on!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/04/2021 15:56

She’s not swigging a secret bottle of gin from her handbag in the toilet!

TheJerkStore · 05/04/2021 15:58

@SatsumaFan

I feel like adopting the OP. All our family occasions/gatherings involve alcohol, and lots of it, laughing very loudly, jokes that aren't funny to sober people etc and they're great fun!
Me too.

Op you'd have a blast at my regular Sunday afternoon drinks with friends. We have a mix of drinkers and non drinkers and nobody judges you for being a bit loud .....

JayAlfredPrufrock · 05/04/2021 15:59

I’m with you OP. A few drinks and I’m party central. Fortunately dd takes after me. She also does great make up so can tart me up to look quite presentable sometimes.

Commenting on your niece’s weightloss was totally appropriate in my opinion. Nothing worse than losing weight and folk not noticing.

InFiveMins · 05/04/2021 15:59

You weren't in the wrong at all. Your DH and DC sound like miserable sods! Your DC I would actually forgive - stroppy teens probably - but I would struggle to forgive my DH for this kind of behaviour. Seeing you happy should make him happy. It's worrying that he wants to put a dampner on you enjoying yourself, and it's almost like he wants to humiliate you and for you to feel embarrassed.

Personally I'd sulk, ignore him, book a get together with your SIL for next weekend, get a taxi down there and embarrass myself the whole night long. Sod what he or anyone else thinks. You deserve to have a life and a happy one at that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/04/2021 15:59

Did your husband and children want to go to this event, OP? Perhaps that's what the issue is? It's difficult to enjoy being somewhere you really don't want to be.

As you've said, you'll go on your own next time. Perfect!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/04/2021 16:01

Commenting on your niece’s weightloss was totally appropriate in my opinion. Nothing worse than losing weight and folk not noticing.

This absolutely depends on whether they share the same mindset as you. I loathe people making personal comments about me.

micaschist · 05/04/2021 16:03

This place is mental. There was a thread yesterday where the husband went out in the afternoon and didn't turn up until the next day having been spent the night in the cells for drunk and disorderly. A significant amount of posters thought it was unreasonable to be annoyed at this, but here an extrovert is being hammered for daring to be extroverted at a party! Unbelievable!

I'm a non drinker btw, having an alcoholic mother, and I think your DH having a pop at you in front of the kids is what's unacceptable. It's teaching them that you aren't worthy of being respected.

Frogartist · 05/04/2021 16:03

@TheJerkStore

Enjoying alcohol is not the same as needing alcohol to have fun. But that's not what's being discussed.

People are projecting their own feelings towards alcohol on the OP when all she did was have a couple drinks with family on a sunny afternoon.
No mention of needing alcohol just her telling us how she had a lovely time.

I was replying to another post.

If this had been about a man drinking alcohol at a family party, getting loud and ,making his wife and children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable most of the replies here would be agreeing with the wife.

nitsandwormsdodger · 05/04/2021 16:04

As long as you only spoke loudly about yourself and didn't reveal anything about the teens or Oh then they are being repressive
One drink when you are two hours away is bit Puritan

GravityFalls · 05/04/2021 16:05

I’m also assuming OP has previously met her niece and has an idea of how she would take the weight loss comments. It’s not a random person from the street.

IHaveBrilloHair · 05/04/2021 16:05

At that age teens are embarrassed by everything, take no notice of them.
The biggest issue is your DH and him ganging up with them, that's really unfair.
You sound fine to me, a few drinks and chatting/laughing with family.
FWIW, last time I was at a party, Dd, then 17 was with me and drank more than me!
Just a few glasses but she had fun and wasn't a judge pants, and she's not much of a drinker.
Read the room.
(By that I don't mean drink, but accept that others are and unless falling over, its fine)

pazwaz70 · 05/04/2021 16:09

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
WTF!! Get that stick from out of your arse!! I bet you're a bundle of laughs??
ZiggyBaby · 05/04/2021 16:09

If this had been about a man drinking alcohol at a family party, getting loud and ,making his wife and children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable most of the replies here would be agreeing with the wife

But why were the kids embarrassed? I doubt the OP actually did anything to humiliate them - more likely to be teenage angst and thinking anyone having fun over the age of 18 is 'embarrassing.'

TheJerkStore · 05/04/2021 16:10

If this had been about a man drinking alcohol at a family party, getting loud and ,making his wife and children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable most of the replies here would be agreeing with the wife.

I disagree. Based on the information given this is a non issue and it wouldn't matter if it was a man or woman.

She had a couple of drinks ffs and had fun!! From her updates it sounds like he doesn't even like her going out even when she doesn't drink. That's not a healthy relationship.

SuperintendentHastings · 05/04/2021 16:11

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
What a pile of shit @MyDcAreMarvel. I've no idea why some posters do this, can you not read or something? The OP was not drunk. How was she 'clearly drunk'? Jeez, stop making stuff up just so can make yourself feel better by having a pop at someone.
ZiggyBaby · 05/04/2021 16:11

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
You sound like a barrel of laughs
Frogartist · 05/04/2021 16:12

@ZiggyBaby

If this had been about a man drinking alcohol at a family party, getting loud and ,making his wife and children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable most of the replies here would be agreeing with the wife

But why were the kids embarrassed? I doubt the OP actually did anything to humiliate them - more likely to be teenage angst and thinking anyone having fun over the age of 18 is 'embarrassing.'

I don't think we can find out why they were embarrassed as we weren't there. We don't know every single thing the OP did or said.

Also, It can be quite embarrassing and uncomfortable to see your mum behaving in a different way to what she's normally like.

GravityFalls · 05/04/2021 16:15

Also, It can be quite embarrassing and uncomfortable to see your mum behaving in a different way to what she's normally like.

True, but...so? They’ll live. We’ve all been slightly embarrassed by our parents as teens and lived to tell the tale. It’s normal. It’s fine. We don’t live to save our kids from any embarrassment or awkwardness, ever.

LH1987 · 05/04/2021 16:20

You are a mother to teenage children, you are going to be embarrassing to them always, sorry!

Your DH was very wrong to call you out in front of kids IMO, not very good partner behaviour.