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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overreacting?

140 replies

Holyhonestyjj · 05/04/2021 11:02

DP of 7 months was angry when we were having a disagreement a few months ago, he ended up punching a wall in his house. This really shocked me & I told him never to behave like that again.

On Friday night, we were having a disagreement (nothing major) but he claims I was interrupting him & wouldn’t listen to him. We were at my house. He picked up the remote control for my tv & threw it at the wall. It smashed beyond repair. He packed his things & left. I was stunned. Next day I get a text telling me he’s sorry for breaking the control, but I wouldn’t listen, I wound him up. He said he needed to be left alone for the day.

I told him he needed to see a therapist as that behaviour isn’t normal. He’s ignored everything I said. The next day he replied saying he’s been thinking all morning what to say and is coming up blank!

OP posts:
OscarWildesCat · 05/04/2021 11:04

Not normal behaviour of course YANBU and you probably know that. He needs to get help and you need to consider if you want to stay with him.

Laserbird16 · 05/04/2021 11:05

Sounds a bit like you're underreacting.

I'd never see him again

Brefugee · 05/04/2021 11:05

He is overreacting and your only reply to him should be along the lines of "yep, I'll deffo leave you alone. Forever"

SnarkyBag · 05/04/2021 11:05

He’s not taking any responsibility he’s telling you it’s your fault, you made him do it. Get rid he’ll only get worse and take you down with him

Amigoingmad29weeks · 05/04/2021 11:05

He is blaming you for his bad behaviour.
Run

Tinydinosaur · 05/04/2021 11:06

Get rid. You've been together 7 months and twice he's shown violent behaviour. You're still meant to be in the perfect honeymoon period. Do you think his outbursts will get better or worst over time?

Bluntness100 · 05/04/2021 11:07

Very abnormal ans significant anger management issues, but what’s worse is he’s telling you it’s your fault. Which is typical abuser language.

The reason some women end up in domestic violence relationships is because they ignore the red flags. You’ve had two, you don’t need a third.

End this now.

Ivy455 · 05/04/2021 11:07

You are right that his behaviour is not OK. What will be break/hit next? What if you have children together and he's still behaving like this?
If I was you I would not continue the relationship unless he seeks some form of anger management. Do you even want to be with him anymore? Oh and I'd make him buy you a new remote, I'd be livid about that.

Returnoftheowl · 05/04/2021 11:07

If you're still taking to him you're underreacting.

Washimal · 05/04/2021 11:08

You've only been together a few months and already you've witnessed two explosive anger outbursts. I also note he's not taking any responsibility for his actions...you wound him up, you weren't listening to him. If you stay it will get worse.

VerityWibbleWobble · 05/04/2021 11:09

If this were me he'd be an ex dp.

PhatPhanny · 05/04/2021 11:09

Get out of that relationship before your the wall or the remote!

Sexnotgender · 05/04/2021 11:09

You made him do it🙄

Honestly throw him back and find a grown up.

LemonSherbetFancies · 05/04/2021 11:10

Definitely not overreacting. Get out now for your own safety.

Washimal · 05/04/2021 11:11

If I was you I would not continue the relationship unless he seeks some form of anger management

Anger Management therapy is not recommended for men who display domestically abusive behaviour, there is evidence it can make things worse. Unless he's also punching walls and breaking things at work, when he's with friends and when he's out in public then he's perfectly capable of managing his anger when it suits him.

Howshouldibehave · 05/04/2021 11:11

He doesn’t need to say anything. I wouldn’t be seeing him again-he has anger problems, blames you for them and doesn’t see a problem. What did you reply?

dontdisturbmenow · 05/04/2021 11:11

You are not compatible. He doesn't feel like he can express himself to you and as a result can't control his anger.

It's early enough to accept it and go your own way.

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 11:12

Twice in 7 months! You need to leave him.

Livpool · 05/04/2021 11:12

I would end it. I'd say you're under reacting. Not only has he displayed violent tendencies in 7 months but he blames you!

MalibuandOrange · 05/04/2021 11:12

Why are you still with him?

Daydrambeliever · 05/04/2021 11:13

If someone interrupts me all the time, I walk away from the conversation. I don't lose control and lash out violently. It's only a matter of time before you get hurt.

Mamamamasaurus · 05/04/2021 11:13

YADNBU

He's shown you who he is. Believe that. It won't get better.

Lipz · 05/04/2021 11:14

He has anger management problems. PLEASE PLEASE TRUST ME when I say this is what violent people do at the start of a relationship. I won't go into details of my story, but it started with the hole in the wall, the TV remote, the mobile phone...... Please leave him.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/04/2021 11:14

He’s violent. It’s far, far more likely he will escalate this violence the longer you’re together. You might have a 1% chance he gets therapy, rethinks everything he knows about how to manage his stress and his emotions, takes full responsibility, apologises fulsomely and honestly, continually checks in with himself and his therapist about how to manage it...

End the relationship or stick around with your head in the sand,

VuvuZavala · 05/04/2021 11:14

Get out of the relationship now.

This is abusive.