Am I overreacting?

[Holyhonestyjj]

DP of 7 months was angry when we were having a disagreement a few months ago, he ended up punching a wall in his house. This really shocked me & I told him never to behave like that again.

On Friday night, we were having a disagreement (nothing major) but he claims I was interrupting him & wouldn’t listen to him. We were at my house. He picked up the remote control for my tv & threw it at the wall. It smashed beyond repair. He packed his things & left. I was stunned. Next day I get a text telling me he’s sorry for breaking the control, but I wouldn’t listen, I wound him up. He said he needed to be left alone for the day.

I told him he needed to see a therapist as that behaviour isn’t normal. He’s ignored everything I said. The next day he replied saying he’s been thinking all morning what to say and is coming up blank!

End it. My SIL gave me this advice when I was in a similar situation. I didn't take it and it escalated to the violence being turned on me. I finally saw sense after two years but they were the worst two years of my life. Don't even let it get to that point!

7 months and 2 very aggressive acts.
Punching a wall. Not acceptable.
Throwing your remote against a wall. Also not acceptable.

Both very intimidating and shows complete lack of self control. Agree with others saying you're undereacting. Yeah he should go see a therapist but you don't need to be in a relationship with him during or after this.

Get rid.
Show him some boundaries by saying it's not acceptable or tolerated behaviour. Delete. Block. Good bye scumbag.

Is the bar set so low for men now that we just tolerate this shit.

7 months is still pretty much the honeymoon phase. He's going to be putting his best self forward. If this is his best self, do you really want to stick around and see what happens after you get out of the honeymoon phase? I would count yourself very lucky that he's showing himself to you now and not after 5+ years, marriage and multiple children.

You’re under reacting. He is lashing out violently and then blaming you for his behaviour - massive red flags.

Men who hit walls etc want you to know they could easily hit you instead. Leave before it gets to that point.

@Laserbird16

Sounds a bit like you're underreacting.

I'd never see him again

Agree with this. He's twice been violent and blames you for the last one. Believe me, he'd blame you after he hit you as 'you made him do it'.

My advice is never see him again, he is bad news.

He said he needed to be left alone for the day.

He just needs to be alone full stop, by the sounds of it.

What are you going to do, @Holyhonestyjj

End this now. I speak from experience here, it won't get better.

One day it's punching a wall, the next smashing a remote, the you made him hit you/strangle you. The behavior escalates. You make him do it. It's a pattern and this is the start.

He's packed his bags and gone? Good. Let this be it. Don't have him back. Don't be talking into believing you've overreacted.

Or if you do have him back, do so with your eye WIDE open. He has shown you who he is and what you can expect if you stay with him.

This has more red flags than Communist Party general assembly.

Several aggressive acts and it's your fault that you made him do it.
Can you find other things you recognize? counsellingresource.com/therapy/self-help/loser/

from the link, item 1: Rough Treatment: “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall.

Only took him a few months to show his true colours !

Leave him, it will only get worse.

He’s an abuser. You are in an abusive relationship.

Dump his arse, block his number, remove him from your life. He’s got a nasty temper, blames you for his destructive behaviour and this will escalate. He has abuser written all over him.

Be glad you found out early on that he is not a suitable partner. Run and thank your lucky stars he didn't disguise himself better.

You have only been together 7 months. This is still the honeymoon period. This is as good as it will ever be.

End it now. Be glad it's only 7 months in. Be glad you haven't got children or financial commitments with this man. Be grateful you haven't wasted years of your life on him. Tell him it is over and block him.

If you let him back into your life you are giving him a very clear message that you accept both his violent behaviour and his manipulative excuses. It won't matter what words you use or threats you make. If you take him back you are showing him you accept this. It is 100% certain the behaviour will then escalate and he will become increasingly violent.

Good luck.

You are underreacting. If he can do this now, eventually he will probably progress to increasingly worse and more dangerous behaviour. You are not safe if you stay with him.

Thanks for all your replies. This is what I replied to him. I then blocked him.

“ Yes you’re right. It shouldn’t be like this & this text would’ve been different if you acknowledged you need therapy but you don’t care/see how bad you’re getting & use “being wound up” as an excuse.

You have the audacity to be manipulative & blame me for you smashing my property. It’s your issue to address that you can’t communicate properly, react disproportionately & now violently. It’s getting worse, verbal abuse “fuck off” “dickhead” now it’s physical, smashing my property & I’m left without a workable tv downstairs.

You’re triggered over tiny things & dump me when your reaction is at fault. It’s manipulative. Me having that convo with other men wouldn’t result in such a strong reaction/violence. They wouldn’t smash my property & blame me.

You’re acting like Kim Jong-Un. Can’t be questioned & if anyone dares you think it’s ok to scare them & use violence on their property. That’s not love. You say in your text “at that point YOU could have said” - this is constantly the blame (my name) show. Don’t you have vocal cords? So you could have said plenty of things. In fact you could have said owt instead of smashing my property. But it’s all about (my name) blame & I’ve had enough.

You need help for your disproportionate reactions, anger & unresolved issues. You had the chance to accept you needed therapy & it’s not even crossed your mind despite my text telling you & you thinking “all morning and coming up blank”.

As you’re unwilling to make positive steps to fix issues like I did (like people do in a mature relationship) this isn’t working for me. I’m putting too much in & getting less out. The stubbornness & “want my own way” “I can emotionally shut off” “I struggle to see things from others point of view” is unattractive & unhealthy.

The violent/intimidating outburst & unnecessary reactions is too much. I told you after you punched the wall never to behave like that again. You don’t take on board anything I say, you’re selfish & think nothing can ever be your fault. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I need out of this before it’s my face you smash next & try to blame me.”

You could use some therapy, too and I really hope you seek it or do the Freedom Programme before dating again. People are not projects. You shouldn't be seeing a person like this even if he does agree to therapy. He's an adult who needs to take on his anger management programme of his own volition, not because his girlfriend suggested it.

Also, too much, too fast. He's not a partner 7 months into the mix. It attaches a lot of commitment to someone in the early stages and thankfully, you've seen the light with this violent man and dumped him.

Dump at the first sign of any non-adult reactions to anger or any other emotion. Total red flag!

I really hope you can do the Freedom Programme or find some forums on here to spot violent gits like him.

Please do not let him contact you again. He is violent and will hit you or worse .

That is one legendary response! Good on you!!!

Well done OP I am very proud of you, I wish all the women have this power like yours. Great you told him all the truth, hope he will look for help. You will find someone that will make you happy

Well done. I wouldn't bother texting him any more or get into any discussions unless it's "your stuff is in a box let me know when you want to get it". Try and keep the emotion out of it incase he gets heated. Just get him out of your life as safely as you can

I doubt he will be remotely interested in any of that Op.

Concentrate on yourself & why you stayed after he punched a wall & despite so many disagreements in such a short time.

Seems to me that you should have walked away way before.

More than the broken stuff is the lack of responsibility for his actions - actually blaming it all on you. Dont go back to him, this is not safe.

WOW!

💪🏼⭐️

First of all, you are NOT over-reacting. Sounds like textbook anger issues and personally I would break it off.

Just read your update! Yessss!!! Well done OP