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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh cut our ds hair!

150 replies

Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:33

Aibu to be mad at my dh for cutting our sons hair? He is 2 and has gorgeous thick curls that aren't even long. My husband doesn't like them and thinks they look messy and frequently says he will cut his hair. I always say no. Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway. Am I overreacting?

He is otherwise lovely really and went to his mums so I could have the house to myself to study.
No covid comments please - we are in a support bubble with his mum.
Thanks.

OP posts:
LifesNotEnidBlyton · 05/04/2021 01:48

Hm it's hard because he WBU to do that in secret when he knew you didnt want it done but he has equal say about your DS's hair when hes too young to day what he wants.... It's been done now and I think your DH should say sorry for doing it in secret but there has to be somewhere you and DH agree on, you could agree to let it grow as long as it was and then cut it so it is longer for a bit and shorter for a bit.

user1473878824 · 05/04/2021 01:49

Honestly, it’s just hair.

sillysmiles · 05/04/2021 01:52

How is you not wanting it cut more valid than him wanting it cut?

Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:52

@user1473878824

Honestly, it’s just hair.
It's not though, it's he fact that he did it secretly and presented it as done when he knew I wouldn't like it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:54

@LifesNotEnidBlyton

Hm it's hard because he WBU to do that in secret when he knew you didnt want it done but he has equal say about your DS's hair when hes too young to day what he wants.... It's been done now and I think your DH should say sorry for doing it in secret but there has to be somewhere you and DH agree on, you could agree to let it grow as long as it was and then cut it so it is longer for a bit and shorter for a bit.
Yes I take your point. Thank you. He has apologised but I think we will be having a talk about it in the morning.
OP posts:
Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:56

@sillysmiles

How is you not wanting it cut more valid than him wanting it cut?
You're right. It's probably not and I have compromised with him in the past and let him trim it but I don't like that he went behind my back.
OP posts:
Crazycakelady17 · 05/04/2021 01:57

I would be sad too and been in a similar position Ds2 had the most gorgeous blonde hair he was 3 and DH took him the barbers and got “squadie” haircut basically number 0.5 back and sides 3 on top I cried we didn’t speak for a week!
Might of been a over reaction but he’s 16 now and has a lovely head of curls his choice

1forAll74 · 05/04/2021 02:12

In a way, he is entitled to cut his Sons hair, equal parenting and all that.
Hair will grow again, and I don't suppose your son will mind having a hair cut from his Dad really.

midsummabreak · 05/04/2021 02:19

Can you take turns letting it grow and getting a layered cut for winter then getting a shorter haircut for summer?
Think it’s weird your Dh felt that concerned he needed to cut it in secret.

Either way, your DS will enjoy growing or cutting his hair the way he wants it when he’s older.

caringcarer · 05/04/2021 02:21

My DS is an adult now but when he was 4 he had georgious corkscrew ringlets. I absolutely loved them. My then husband said they made him look like a girl and wanted them cut off but I would not agree. Shortly before he started school my then husband took him to town and had them all cut off. He didn't even save me one. I was so upset and angry I did not speak to him for about a week and no sex for about 3 weeks.

Sundances · 05/04/2021 02:28

I've been married 40 years. Things like that I would never forget.

So him being upset at DS s curls (why???) out does your liking for them. At 2 imv DH should have waited longer. It's lockdown, who cares about hair?

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 03:44

It will grow back in no time.

My son had (still has), masses of curly hair from the age of two . It was cute. When he started school, we used to get hints that he needed a hair cut which was done occasionally.

Once he was at my in laws and I asked my father in law to take him for a trim. When I got back there after work - son had a 1950s style short back and sides! He was only four, it looked awful. I was gobsmacked.

However it wasn't long before he sported a mop again.

loffie · 05/04/2021 04:40

'Long' hair on a boy isn't actually that long and will regrow quickly.

The important thing is that when your son is old enough to express an opinion, he gets to grow his hair as long or as short as he likes.

I suppose short hair is more practical on a child who isn't old enough to look after it. I would only be cross if I thought your DH had cut the hair because he thought it looked girly, as opposed to he thought it was impractical/untidy.

Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 21:36

I wish I could post a photo and you would definitely understand but for some reason everytime I try I can't.

OP posts:
Countrygirl2021 · 05/04/2021 21:52

I have to say I really dislike bots with long hair and I would feel compelled to cut it. Perhaps he was trying it to see if you would like it and come round to his thinking.

19lottie82 · 05/04/2021 22:59

Can you take turns letting it grow and getting a layered cut for winter then getting a shorter haircut for summer?

This makes me think of a dog 🐶 sorry 😂

B33Fr33 · 05/04/2021 23:03

It might grow back. It might not grow back curly though.

Wow you dislike children with long hair? Actively. Goodness. How odd a point of view! You must be very controlling. Best keep you away from the sharp objects Grin

Hankunamatata · 05/04/2021 23:07

Disliked long hair on my own boys when they were small as it was constantly full of tangled and muck from being outside. Now they are old enough to wash and style their hair - they get to choose

Trumplosttheelection · 05/04/2021 23:08

Hate to break it to you op but there's no way he cut the hair. Take the kid to the barbers yes but not cut it. Your mil cut it.

Yesitsbess · 05/04/2021 23:15

My ex had my son's hair cut at 4 years old because he didn't like it, he had beautiful blonde 'surfer' ringlets down to the middle of his back. I knew his hair would have to be "tamed" at a certain point but in my family we save locks of hair for memory books (me, nans etc) and he had it all just chucked into the bin after 4 years of growing! I cried.

I could have shot him out of a cannon and I completely understand where you are coming from.

He did it again during lockdown and scalped the poor boy. Luckily he is now 12 and can fight him off next time...

FunTimes2020 · 05/04/2021 23:18

@Trumplosttheelection

Hate to break it to you op but there's no way he cut the hair. Take the kid to the barbers yes but not cut it. Your mil cut it.
Are you psychic? Hmm
emilyfrost · 05/04/2021 23:22

Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway.

But you deliberately keep the boys hair long even though you know he doesn’t like it?

ShutUpAlex · 05/04/2021 23:26

It wouldn’t ever occur to me to get my partners permission to cut my own child’s hair. Yabvu

SionnachGlic · 05/04/2021 23:35

I would be cross & would want to grow DS's hair back. But I do get what people are saying about it being his son too & having a say instead of you having the upper hand. There will be many other situations where you don't agree on things....so use this as a way to get it out in the open & decide how to deal going forward with the art of compromise...

Frazzled2207 · 05/04/2021 23:44

My ds had beautiful curls so I get why you’re annoyed. His got cut off gradually so no massive arguments thankfully. My dh has never really said anything about haircuts it’s always been down to me to sort barbers etc.

Otoh you have no more right to decide what to do with his hair than your dh
Otoh it was nasty of him to do it without consulting you if it was clearly going to upset you.