Dh cut our ds hair!

[Octopuscrazy]

Aibu to be mad at my dh for cutting our sons hair? He is 2 and has gorgeous thick curls that aren't even long. My husband doesn't like them and thinks they look messy and frequently says he will cut his hair. I always say no. Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway. Am I overreacting?

He is otherwise lovely really and went to his mums so I could have the house to myself to study.
No covid comments please - we are in a support bubble with his mum.
Thanks.

What a horrible, dishonest, sneaky, disrespectful thing to do.

🤷🏻‍♀️

How short did he cut it? Why did he do it at his mum’s?

I’m amazed at the number of controlling mothers who won’t let boys get a haircut no matter what the father thinks. It’s always the mother. I know a fair few like this.

I even have a friend who complains that her son gets referred to as a girl, by for example people in the playground (“let the little girl have a go” kind of thing). The simple solution to that would be to cut their hair but she refuses.

Chill, it'll grow back.
As am their father, I quite often cut my kids' hair (DS10 and DD13). Am getting quite good at it, after couple of mishaps!
DD cuts my hair. First attempt made me look like Cadfael!!
It's brought us closer in lockdown.

You aren’t unreasonable. It’s the fact he was sneaky about it as well. That would annoy me. X

I'd love it if my DH cut our DC's hair. Absolute pain in the arse, I have to catch him in a good mood and bribe him with smarties... one per "cut". After about 10 cuts and just as I'm managing to neaten up the fringe around the ears, DC decides he's had enough and I have to wait until the next day to do the rest. He then walks about lopsided until I can be bothered to try again. And it's always choppy.

That said, if your DH knew you'd be upset, taking your DS to MIL to cut his hair without talking to you beforehand was sneaky and underhand.

You are equally unreasonable having such strong views about hair! I agree though that you should both have had a discussion about it.

Yanbu
My son has curly long hair. I love it. Everyone tells me he looks like a girl and I should cut his hair. He just has a very girly face, even as a newborn he looked like a girl. I love his hair and don't care what others say. I would be extremely unhappy with dh if he went to his mums and cut my sons hair.
He knows you were set against it so shouldn't have done it without your consent. I have a feeling his mum had a hand in play here

Sneaky bugger, I'd kick my partner out for that. I'm not kidding.
My toddlers hair is long and curly and I know most people think he's a girl, but I don't care. I love it. The time will come to trim it soon, it's my decision. I couldn't give a hoot what his dad thinks. The day he pushes a baby out his fanny is the day he can dictate hair length.

but I don't care. I love it

Why is this all about YOU

Mrbob
I'm sure OP felt similar or she wouldn't have posted.
Have another

@ThatsGoodCakeLove

Mrbob I'm sure OP felt similar or she wouldn't have posted. Have another

I am sorry that makes no sense. A question was asked. I gave my opinion. Have a yourself

Mrbob you are quite strange. Clearly I was of the YANBU opinion. Anyway, I shant reply to you again, it is much too late for that and id hate to derail the thread. Goodnight

My ex MIL cut my 2 yr old daughter’s hair and gave her a fringe. That’s not the reason she’s my ex MIL 🤣

The time will come to trim it soon, it's my decision. I couldn't give a hoot what his dad thinks. The day he pushes a baby out his fanny is the day he can dictate hair length.

Very interested in this. Does this mean Mother’s decision is final on everything or is that reserved for hair policy only? And does it only apply after a vaginal birth? Gosh, I would have tried harder to avoid an emergency c section had I known that meant giving up the rights to control the kids hair.

I would be really annoyed by the sneaking aspect.

Have you talked with him? Is he listening to/getting why you are upset?

In future if you really can't agree then suggest a Judgement of Solomon style half each hair cut. One side short, one side long... and hope DH doesn't shave his side off completely

Haha some strong views on here. I know it will grow back.
Anyways dh has apologised for doing it sneakily with his mum (which would be a whole other thread tbh). He agrees it looks awful and is now banned from cutting hair (or letting his mum do it).
(waits for the you sound controlling posts)

This is the before photo. I think some people were thinking it was long long. It wasn't.

YANBU

The issue is lack of communication and doing something he knew you hadn't agreed on in secret.

It's not the same as you wanting the hair long - you didn't do anything irreversible in secret so your husband's say was overruled.

I would really talk about respect and trust issues with DH.

This is what it looks like now...

You do exactly the same in reverse .

The before photo doesn’t change anything.

Your desire to want it long isn’t anymore valid than his desire to want it short, and neither of you get to “ban” the other one or tell them what they can and can’t do.

Behave like responsible adults and communicate. If he’s been telling you for X amount of time he doesn’t like it long and wants it cut, but you’ve said no, I absolutely can see why he eventually went ahead and cut it because you don’t just to get to ignore him and unilaterally make the decision without a discussion.

YANBU. It wasn't even long!

@Sparklfairy

In future if you really can't agree then suggest a Judgement of Solomon style half each hair cut. One side short, one side long... and hope DH doesn't shave his side off completely

cant look worse than it does now!