Page 4 | Dh cut our ds hair!

Octopuscrazy · 2021-04-05T00:33:17+00:00

Aibu to be mad at my dh for cutting our sons hair? He is 2 and has gorgeous thick curls that aren't even long. My husband doesn't like them and thinks they look messy and frequently says he will cut his hair. I always say no. Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway. Am I overreacting? He is otherwise lovely really and went to his mums so I could have the house to myself to study. No covid comments please - we are in a support bubble with his mum. Thanks.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/04/2021 09:30

@Kimye4eva

I’m amazed at the number of controlling mothers who won’t let boys get a haircut no matter what the father thinks. It’s always the mother. I know a fair few like this.

I even have a friend who complains that her son gets referred to as a girl, by for example people in the playground (“let the little girl have a go” kind of thing). The simple solution to that would be to cut their hair but she refuses.

I understand where you're coming from but these partners of these 'controlling' women, they know that the child's mother loves those curls and that they will, rightly or wrongly, grieve for them.

Why would these insensitive (and equally controlling, men) not think to get some of the choice locks kept for the mums? These are the women that they presumably love, right?

It doesn't take too much imagination to think of this, particularly when the child's mother has been enjoying the curls and presumably looking after them until they were cut off?

SimonJT · 06/04/2021 09:31

@TheVolturi

Blimey! No it's obviously not any easier to care for if it's a girl! But boys don't usually want long hair to stay with so why go to all the trouble? Is that so hard to understand? Or are we nitpicking? Excuse the pun 😂

If boys hair isn’t any hotter or harder to care for why did you say it was?

How old was your daughter when she stopped having short hair after she expressed a desire for long hair?

denverRegina · 06/04/2021 09:33

"Hate to break it to you op but there's no way he cut the hair. Take the kid to the barbers yes but not cut it. Your mil cut it."

😂😂 what?

OneTC · 06/04/2021 09:34

Hate to break it to you op but there's no way he cut the hair. Take the kid to the barbers yes but not cut it. Your mil cut it.

Wut?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/04/2021 09:36

Well he could have at least cut it properly. I don't know if it's just the picture but it looks bloody awful now. I would be really pissed off at whoever done that

diddl · 06/04/2021 09:36

I think it's hard to tell much from a back "before" pic & a front "after" pic!

You can still see that he has curly hair & he still looks gorgeous!

GreenSlide · 06/04/2021 09:37

I was reading all this thinking well loads of mums insist on keeping their sons 'gorgeous curls' when actually their hair is just long and straggly and tatty and could benefit from a wee tidy up. But having seen the picture YANBU his hair was beautiful before and your husband has no taste. Although I suppose looking on the bright side, it's good that your wee boy has two parents who care so much about every wee hair on his head.

Stratfordplace · 06/04/2021 09:42

It should be a joint decision. However, it seems like some men take it as an affront to their masculinity having a son with long hair. Personally I love long hair in little boys.

TheVolturi · 06/04/2021 09:45

@simonjt my daughter has long hair. Has never had it cut short. She's 3. 🙄 She wants it long like Elsas.
Short hair (like my boys) is far easier to care for and much cooler in the summer. I don't remember saying tver girls hair is easier to care for our doesn't get hot 🙄
Cheerio!

Kimye4eva · 06/04/2021 09:46

grieve for them

I’d suggest anyone grieving for a few curls should seek some help because that is not the rational response from a mentally stable person.

I can guarantee now that if a mother had posted saying they wanted to cut their daughters hair, and the father wouldn’t let her because he had a strong view that little girls should have long hair, people would be saying cut it anyway, it’s only hair, he’ll get over it.

Kimye4eva · 06/04/2021 09:48

Although in this instance he was unreasonable for not wait a week to get it done by a properly trained professional!

SimonJT · 06/04/2021 09:49

[quote TheVolturi]@simonjt my daughter has long hair. Has never had it cut short. She's 3. 🙄 She wants it long like Elsas.
Short hair (like my boys) is far easier to care for and much cooler in the summer. I don't remember saying tver girls hair is easier to care for our doesn't get hot 🙄
Cheerio! [/quote]
Oh, so you made her have long hair before she was able to express that she wanted long hair. Yet in previous posts you were actively against parents choosing long hair unless a child specifically requests it.

luxxlisbon · 06/04/2021 09:49

You have both being unreasonable. It was shitty for him to do it while you weren't there but also you don't get to unilaterally decide how your shared child's hair should look.

TheVolturi · 06/04/2021 09:52

Nope, I just didn't cut it short. Was still quite short naturally up until she was 2 and then she started asking for Elsa hair. No forced hairstyles here 😂😂😂

Triffid1 · 06/04/2021 10:08

As the parent of a DD with very curly hair who constantly wanted to cut it short when she was that age because it was a hassle and difficult and constantly knotty, I am sympathetic to your DH wanting to cut it. I do find it odd how women seem to think they are the only ones who can decide on a child's hair.

I also find longer curly boy's hair extremely annoying most of the time because in my experience, it's not done particularly well and to keep it nice so much product is used that it looks constantly greasy and dirty. Also, for some reason, boys with long hair don't seem to ever be expected to tie it up out of their faces and that drives me crazy.

Triffid1 · 06/04/2021 10:09

I can guarantee now that if a mother had posted saying they wanted to cut their daughters hair, and the father wouldn’t let her because he had a strong view that little girls should have long hair, people would be saying cut it anyway, it’s only hair, he’ll get over it.

In fact, one of the reasons I didn't just get DD's hair cut is that the outcry by everyone when I mentioned it was outrageous and TWO hairdressers pretty much told me they wouldn't do it. Society's view that little girls should have long hair, especially when it's curly, is very deeply entrenched and extremely annoying.

JustSleepAlready · 06/04/2021 10:12

So it’s ok as long as it’s what you want ? You get to decide but dh doesnt? Wasn’t until my baby got first hair cut that I realised how bad it was. Get over it.

SweetToffee · 06/04/2021 10:13

Other way round, why do you want to keep his hair the way it is?

Original poster

Octopuscrazy · 06/04/2021 10:27

@SweetToffee

Other way round, why do you want to keep his hair the way it is?

I just really like it. I think it's cute. I have been OK with a slight trim/tidy in the past. I'm not a complete dictator.

Anyway it's done now and it will grow back eventually. DH and I have talked about it. He has apologised for doing it sneakily which was my main issue really.

OP posts:

TheNugLife · 06/04/2021 10:29

YABU.

I hope you're aware this is his child too right? you don't get to make the final call on every decision. Its hair for Christs sake.

Original poster

Octopuscrazy · 06/04/2021 10:29

@GreenSlide

I was reading all this thinking well loads of mums insist on keeping their sons 'gorgeous curls' when actually their hair is just long and straggly and tatty and could benefit from a wee tidy up. But having seen the picture YANBU his hair was beautiful before and your husband has no taste. Although I suppose looking on the bright side, it's good that your wee boy has two parents who care so much about every wee hair on his head.

Thank you for your post. It really made me smile.

Sorry I can't reply to everyone but thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.

OP posts:

Oblomov21 · 06/04/2021 10:31

It's normally women, mums who adore long hair on children.
I don't like it. I'm not keen on long curls on boys either. I prefer all boys hair to be short and neat.
When they are older they can decide what to do with their own hair.

Oblomov21 · 06/04/2021 10:34

It looked nice before.
It looks nice now.
I can't see the issue.

It was beat and tidy before.
Now it's still neat and tidy.

I'm at a loss to see what the difference is.

sadie9 · 06/04/2021 10:37

You've got a DH problem and a MIL problem. If I am ever blessed with grandchildren I'd never ever cut one of their hair.
Your problem is your MIL doesn't know her place.
Your DH doesn't know his place either. He's under her thumb I'm afraid no yours.
This all came from your MIL, you do know that right? She's probably been on at your DH for weeks about it.

TheNugLife · 06/04/2021 10:39

@sadie9

You've got a DH problem and a MIL problem. If I am ever blessed with grandchildren I'd never ever cut one of their hair. Your problem is your MIL doesn't know her place. Your DH doesn't know his place either. He's under her thumb I'm afraid no yours. This all came from your MIL, you do know that right? She's probably been on at your DH for weeks about it.

Jesus wept, dh doesn't know his place?

you have got to be kidding right? this is his child, he can also make decisions about his Childs hair.