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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh cut our ds hair!

150 replies

Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:33

Aibu to be mad at my dh for cutting our sons hair? He is 2 and has gorgeous thick curls that aren't even long. My husband doesn't like them and thinks they look messy and frequently says he will cut his hair. I always say no. Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway. Am I overreacting?

He is otherwise lovely really and went to his mums so I could have the house to myself to study.
No covid comments please - we are in a support bubble with his mum.
Thanks.

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 11:33

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I have noticed people are more obsessed with little boys with 'gorgeous curls' than little girls with them.

I agree. Except it's not usually just random people, it's generally the MOTHERS of these boys who are obsessed with their boy having longer hair... (especially if it's curly.)

To be honest, the only mothers I have ever known who obsess over their boy having long-ish curly hair, secretly wanted a girl. (And before anyone asks how do I know this, they admitted it... eventually...)

beginningoftheend · 06/04/2021 11:38

Philosophically speaking, if two parents disagree, the course of no action should've followed until an agreed course is found, except where no action is harmful. That's my view anyway. So the hair should have been left.

If one parent objects to vaccines the doctor won't do it.

Marshy86 · 06/04/2021 11:40

Hi Op,

Could you agree to shorter around the back and longer/ curly on top?

I agree with previous posters you ago as entitled to your option but would also be good to get your son used to the barbers so he isn't scared of them as he gets older - same way you would a dentist.

Mamajules43 · 06/04/2021 11:43

This would really upset me op

ThatsGoodCakeLove · 06/04/2021 12:32

@littlepattilou
I thinks thats a really stupid assumption.
Growing a boys hair long has absolutely nothing to do with gender disappointment. When a child suits long hair, I think its nicer to keep it long until it really needs cut. Keep them looking like cherubs and enjoy the beauty of it. Absolutely nothing to do with them being a girl or boy.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2021 12:46

@1forAll74

In a way, he is entitled to cut his Sons hair, equal parenting and all that. Hair will grow again, and I don't suppose your son will mind having a hair cut from his Dad really.
Not behind her back he isn't.
Livpool · 06/04/2021 12:59

Why does you wanting it long trump his father's preference for cutting it short?!

Regardless this wouldn't bother me. It is hair so will grow back

SimonJT · 06/04/2021 14:02

[quote littlepattilou]@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I have noticed people are more obsessed with little boys with 'gorgeous curls' than little girls with them.

I agree. Except it's not usually just random people, it's generally the MOTHERS of these boys who are obsessed with their boy having longer hair... (especially if it's curly.)

To be honest, the only mothers I have ever known who obsess over their boy having long-ish curly hair, secretly wanted a girl. (And before anyone asks how do I know this, they admitted it... eventually...)[/quote]
Us Sikh parents are obviously all wanting girls Hmm

diddl · 06/04/2021 14:16

"I can barely tell the difference from your two photos."

You're not the only one.

Iwas expecting to see some obviously hacked at complete mess.

BloodyHellAudrey · 06/04/2021 14:46

Holding my hands up and saying my ds had long blonde curls that I adored until he was 2. Once it was cut off he looked like a little boy, i loved his baby hair.

He's 4 and likes going to the barbers now, but also wants hair like Thor Grin conundrum. He can have his hair how he wants.

If my DH had nipped out with him one day and come back having given him a sneaky haircut I'd have hit the roof. Because it's underhand to do it when you're not there.

ViciousJackdaw · 06/04/2021 15:28

Gosh people seem to be almost more obsessive over little boys with "gorgeous curls" than little girls

I agree and what's more, they are never brown, black, blonde or red curls either. They are 'the most exquisite copper ringlets cascading down' or 'such a stunning shade of latte with the most delicate elements of chestnut'.

GreenSlide · 06/04/2021 16:49

[quote ThatsGoodCakeLove]@littlepattilou
I thinks thats a really stupid assumption.
Growing a boys hair long has absolutely nothing to do with gender disappointment. When a child suits long hair, I think its nicer to keep it long until it really needs cut. Keep them looking like cherubs and enjoy the beauty of it. Absolutely nothing to do with them being a girl or boy.[/quote]

I also don't think it's to do with wanting a girl. It's to do with either wanting them to stay babyish, or wanting to make a middle class statement like the poster above who thinks boys haircuts are chavvy.

beginningoftheend · 06/04/2021 16:57

It might just be that people like their kid's hair! You don't have to analyse every bloody thing.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2021 17:13

@diddl

"I can barely tell the difference from your two photos."

You're not the only one.

Iwas expecting to see some obviously hacked at complete mess.

Sorry, the second one isn't an actual disaster but it definitely looked better before.
MrsKHB · 07/04/2021 05:02

This happened to me, but it was my sister that cut my son’s hair and she did an awful job of it. Huge steps all over the back of his hair and wonky fringe.

She used to say I was setting him up to be bullied and he looked like a girl.

I came back one morning to her smirking and telling me she’d cut his hair, I honestly didn’t believe her until he came downstairs with all his beautiful hair gone. I was so upset.

I gave my job up as I didn’t have anyone else to look after him while I worked as I just didn’t trust her again. It wasn’t about my son’s hair, it was about her believing she knew better than me about raising my child.

He was about 5 at the time, he’s 38 now Grin

SuperCaliFragalistic · 07/04/2021 05:46

He snuck off to do it at his mothers house because you "always say no". Perhaps if you had been prepared to reach a compromise he wouldn't have taken such drastic measures. I'm with him. Why do you get to lay down the law?

Quincie · 07/04/2021 07:34

I have noticed people are more obsessed with little boys with 'gorgeous curls' than little girls with them.

I agree. Except it's not usually just random people, it's generally the MOTHERS of these boys who are obsessed with their boy having longer hair... (especially if it's curly.)

How ridiculous because of course the little girls keep their long hair. So there is no discussion as to whether it should be cut or not.

My DS had gorgeous NON curly very blonde hair - it was cut short when he was 3. He has had the short style since, only started looking in a mirror recently as he has a bald patch (37). DD has always had long hair.

Oysterbabe · 07/04/2021 07:38

I would have been with your husband here. I'm forever seeing kids with tatty hair because the mothers can't cut off their gorgeous curls. Hack 'em off I say.

ButIcantsitonleather · 07/04/2021 08:03

@denverRegina

"Hate to break it to you op but there's no way he cut the hair. Take the kid to the barbers yes but not cut it. Your mil cut it."

😂😂 what?

You laugh, but based on OP’s update, that poster was on the money. It sounds like there’s a backstory with the H and his interfering mother.
Vierty · 07/04/2021 08:25

Hate to break it but the gorgeous curls are generally not very gorgeous they’re usually a right straggly mess hanging in their faces. If they’re neat and tied back that is one thing but they never are

And yes. As a mum of a girl as well as boys I say the same for girls. When DD’s hair was a straggly mess it was cut into a short bob with a clip to keep it neat.

SpaceOp · 07/04/2021 11:50

@Vierty

Hate to break it but the gorgeous curls are generally not very gorgeous they’re usually a right straggly mess hanging in their faces. If they’re neat and tied back that is one thing but they never are

And yes. As a mum of a girl as well as boys I say the same for girls. When DD’s hair was a straggly mess it was cut into a short bob with a clip to keep it neat.

Completely agree. This is nephew to a tee - it is out of his eyes as SIL has finally cut it a little, but it looks awful. Messy, scraggly and dirty - she puts a lot of product in and I suspect without the product it wouldn't be nearly as curly. But she thinks it looks lovely.
ConnieCaterpillar70 · 07/04/2021 11:58

I'd be really hurt if DH and I hadn't agreed on something and he went ahead and did it anyway. Yes this was a haircut, and yes it will grow back but it also means that your DH isn't listening to your opinion.

Imagine this had been a disagreement about vaccination or a medical procedure. It says that you're not on the same page, and that would worry me.

emilyfrost · 07/04/2021 15:00

I'd be really hurt if DH and I hadn't agreed on something and he went ahead and did it anyway. Yes this was a haircut, and yes it will grow back but it also means that your DH isn't listening to your opinion.

She didn’t listen to his opinion that he didn’t want it long and just kept telling him no.

Erkrie · 07/04/2021 15:10

I'd be annoyed if my dp had done that without agreement.

mumsymum25 · 10/08/2021 22:30

You are not being unreasonable, no. I would be really upset.

There are comments that say your feelings about DS hair aren’t anymore valid than DHs. Agreed, they’re not, it should be equal, so why did he think it was acceptable to treat his own feelings more valid than yours and why are others on this thread defending his actions?

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