Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh cut our ds hair!

150 replies

Octopuscrazy · 05/04/2021 01:33

Aibu to be mad at my dh for cutting our sons hair? He is 2 and has gorgeous thick curls that aren't even long. My husband doesn't like them and thinks they look messy and frequently says he will cut his hair. I always say no. Today he went to his mums and cut his hair there. I feel so upset and betrayed that he would deliberately do that when he knew I wouldnt like it. It's not really about the hair, more that he knew I wouldnt like it but did it anyway. Am I overreacting?

He is otherwise lovely really and went to his mums so I could have the house to myself to study.
No covid comments please - we are in a support bubble with his mum.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 06/04/2021 10:44

@sadie9

You've got a DH problem and a MIL problem. If I am ever blessed with grandchildren I'd never ever cut one of their hair. Your problem is your MIL doesn't know her place. Your DH doesn't know his place either. He's under her thumb I'm afraid no yours. This all came from your MIL, you do know that right? She's probably been on at your DH for weeks about it.
Wtf? 🙄
Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 06/04/2021 10:44

@sadie9

You've got a DH problem and a MIL problem. If I am ever blessed with grandchildren I'd never ever cut one of their hair. Your problem is your MIL doesn't know her place. Your DH doesn't know his place either. He's under her thumb I'm afraid no yours. This all came from your MIL, you do know that right? She's probably been on at your DH for weeks about it.
Erm this is a little bit weird. I don't want dh "under my thumb" thank you. We try to base our relationship on respect and sometimes we make mistakes as evidenced by what has happened here ie. Lack of communication and sneakily proceeding.

And no, he has been at me to cut the hair for ages. Yes she probably gave him the push to go ahead and I am annoyed at both of them but my dh is certainly not under anyone's thumb.

Thank you.

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 10:46

Oh no, if only HAIR grew back! Shock

Seriously @Octopuscrazy Judging by the pics your posted, IMO, your son's hair looks better AFTER the haircut. Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 06/04/2021 10:47

@Kimye4eva

grieve for them

I’d suggest anyone grieving for a few curls should seek some help because that is not the rational response from a mentally stable person.

I can guarantee now that if a mother had posted saying they wanted to cut their daughters hair, and the father wouldn’t let her because he had a strong view that little girls should have long hair, people would be saying cut it anyway, it’s only hair, he’ll get over it.

I didn't mean grieve as in bereavement. Obviously.

I gave you the benefit of the doubt but not now. You're just goading/stirring.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/04/2021 10:47

I hope he kept a few baby curls for you at least.

My Gds had gorgeous blond curls and I will admit to being sad after they were shorn at his first haircut. He looked so different - a little boy, no longer a baby. Of course it had to happen eventually, but I think anyone’s entitled to be temporarily upset.

Your dh shouldn’t have done it behind your back, though.

littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 10:48

@sadie9

You've got a DH problem and a MIL problem. If I am ever blessed with grandchildren I'd never ever cut one of their hair. Your problem is your MIL doesn't know her place. Your DH doesn't know his place either. He's under her thumb I'm afraid no yours. This all came from your MIL, you do know that right? She's probably been on at your DH for weeks about it.
PMSL! 😂
littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 10:51

@Kimye4eva

I’m amazed at the number of controlling mothers who won’t let boys get a haircut no matter what the father thinks. It’s always the mother. I know a fair few like this.

I even have a friend who complains that her son gets referred to as a girl, by for example people in the playground (“let the little girl have a go” kind of thing). The simple solution to that would be to cut their hair but she refuses.

This. ^ I have known a few like this too. And it's always a mother of a boy. Quite a few mothers of boys want their boy to have long hair. Why is that I wonder??? 🤔

littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 10:53

@Kimye4eva

I’d suggest anyone grieving for a few curls should seek some help because that is not the rational response from a mentally stable person.

I can guarantee now that if a mother had posted saying they wanted to cut their daughters hair, and the father wouldn’t let her because he had a strong view that little girls should have long hair, people would be saying cut it anyway, it’s only hair, he’ll get over it.

Agree 100% with this. ^

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/04/2021 10:54

Gosh people seem to be almost more obsessive over little boys with "gorgeous curls" than little girls.

It's only hair. "Trimming it" isnt a compromise if your DH wants it short - alternating between long and short is.

I don't like little boys with long hair because it's always left loose and messy and looks like it gets in their way. The same can be true of little girls but parents seem more likely to tie it back or use clips and headbands to keep it out of the child's way at least.

Kimye4eva · 06/04/2021 10:55

Your DH doesn't know his place either

Brilliant! How dare he have an opinion!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/04/2021 10:56

I’m amazed at the number of controlling mothers who won’t let boys get a haircut no matter what the father thinks. It’s always the mother. I know a fair few like this.

Honestly I think it's because when you cut it short they immediately look like a little boy and no longer a baby, and some parents just want to cling on to the baby stage as long as possible.

User334567 · 06/04/2021 10:56

This !!!!!!! I’d be so annoyed !!!

ThatsGoodCakeLove

Sneaky bugger, I'd kick my partner out for that. I'm not kidding.
My toddlers hair is long and curly and I know most people think he's a girl, but I don't care. I love it. The time will come to trim it soon, it's my decision. I couldn't give a hoot what his dad thinks. The day he pushes a baby out his fanny is the day he can dictate hair length.

DarkMatterA2Z · 06/04/2021 10:57

Amazed at people defending the DH. Yes, it's his kid too, but that means that he should discuss important parenting decisions with the OP and they should agree them together. Yes, getting hair cut might not seem "important" but it was important to the OP and he knew that.

A compromise would have been agreeing to have the hair professionally cut when hairdressers reopen. Not hacking away at the poor child's head and making a right mess of it. What a berk.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/04/2021 10:58

I can barely tell the difference from your two photos.

It will look like the first photo again within a week or two, you are completely overreacting.

KarmaStar · 06/04/2021 10:58

My cousin,as a small toddler had beautiful big blue eyes and thick long blonde curls.One day when she was left alone she picked up some scissors and cut off all the curls on one side of her head so her mum had to cut the rest off and was really upset.😀.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/04/2021 11:00

Not hacking away at the poor child's head and making a right mess of it.

It's not a complete mess! I don't know anyone who takes two year olds to the hairdresser, everyone just cuts their hair at home. Its particularly easy to cut curly hair on boys as the curls hide any minor length disparity.

The child's hair looks completely fine and barely any different.

User334567 · 06/04/2021 11:01

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

No it’s because it looks better than chavvy barbered hair cuts on little toddlers

GoddessKali · 06/04/2021 11:02

Can I ask do the curls and your sons hair generally take after you or your DH?

littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 11:08

@User334567

No it’s because it looks better than chavvy barbered hair cuts on little toddlers

Classic snobby remark you see from the faux middle classes on mumsnet.

That comment speaks volumes about you.

Alsohuman · 06/04/2021 11:09

[quote User334567]@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

No it’s because it looks better than chavvy barbered hair cuts on little toddlers[/quote]
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Snobbery is still thriving on MN I see.

Kimye4eva · 06/04/2021 11:09

[quote User334567]@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

No it’s because it looks better than chavvy barbered hair cuts on little toddlers[/quote]
Yeah, I bet Prince George looked like a total chav after his first haircut.

littlepattilou · 06/04/2021 11:12

LOL @Kimye4eva ^

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2021 11:23

I think sneaking behind someone’s back isn’t really on, when you know they think differently, and perhaps the discussion hadn’t been exhausted.

However, I don’t think it’s a huge deal.

I’ve said my exh is in charge of Ds hair and I’m I charge of dds (although not really as she’s older and in charge of her own- just means I pay for her haircuts! Which is foolish as they cost more). He’s always cutting Ds’ hair really short, which I don’t really like to look at, but apparently Ds finds it more comfortable so I guess that’s a good reason!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2021 11:25

GoddessKali I was also thinking whichever parent has more similar hair should be in charge of it! They will have experience of what works well / is comfortable.

Original poster
Octopuscrazy · 06/04/2021 11:28

@GoddessKali

Can I ask do the curls and your sons hair generally take after you or your DH?
My hair is curly
OP posts: