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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to kill DS!

126 replies

seriouslynaive · 04/04/2021 11:15

Come on here because I am so angry with DS and need to vent

DS (16) disappeared last night on a walk with his girlfriend and then ended up at her house and stayed the night (despite our rules that he shouldn't be staying at her house due to lockdown but this is a whole different story)

I have two twin DD who are 3 and spent ages doing an easter egg hunt for them and setting it up last night and I texted DS to ask if he would come home this morning to take part in the hunt as i got him some stuff as well and his sisters adore him and he can be lovely with them too. He said 'maybe x' and i didn't hear anything else.

Cut to this morning DS comes in the door at 11am (I told him we were doing it at 10:30) looking a mess, smelling of booze, grabbed loads of the eggs from my twins hunt while theyre in the middle of it, kicked a load of the eggs about, behaved like an absolute d*ckhead, both of the twins started crying, he started laughing and now has gone up to his room and locked the door (we did allow him to have a lock because the twins would always go into his room and it became a problem)

I'm absolutely fuming. I can't see any reason for this behaviour. I am actually at a loss of what to do to punish this!!! Does anyone else have a DS that behaves like this and can anyone give me any tips for stopping or solving this sort of awful behaviour?

OP posts:
Passthewinebottle · 04/04/2021 11:32

Like fuck would I let my 16 year old get away with that disgusting behaviour!! What consequences have you held him to? If not, get up there now & get disciplining. This will only get worse if you allow him to behave like that. Poor twins 😢

My 16yo would have their phone removed for at least today & be grounded for sure. They would be expected to apologise to the sibs & spend some time playing with them today. That lock would 100% be gone too.

If he's refusing to come out, I'd lure him out nicely with the promise of some treats then unleash holy hell on him.

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 11:34

Sounds like he has something going on to act that way, kicking the eggs about etc., is he normally like that towards his young siblings or is this unusual? Id be having a chat x

Strangekindofwoman · 04/04/2021 11:34

Poor twins.

Kaleidoscopecascade · 04/04/2021 11:35

I would be turning the WiFi off, remove his phone and any computer things. I would even take the lock off. At 3 you can reach your daughters not to go in his room.

TreeDice · 04/04/2021 11:36

Yep, there would be some tough consequences in this house for that type of behaviour!

denverRegina · 04/04/2021 11:37

My god, what a disrespectful, arrogant little shitbag.

I'd come down hard and heavy on him. Does he work? Because he should be doing, he can replace anything he's damaged for starters. The girlfriend wouldn't be entertained for a while. And the door lock would be removed the instant the door gets opened.

IhateBoswell · 04/04/2021 11:38

Wow 😮 I’d be volleying his door off the hinges 😤

GoddessKali · 04/04/2021 11:38

Whilst that’s awful..... I wonder why he’s done this?

I’d go in compassionately not angry, and say you’re shocked as his little sisters obviously love him and they’re very hurt, what’s wrong with him because however much he hurt them, he’s hurting more.

Squeejit · 04/04/2021 11:42

Is he always rude and aggressive or is this out of character? It seems very strange behaviour. I’d be wanting to know why, imposing consequences and trying to get to the bottom of what’s caused it.

ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt · 04/04/2021 11:43

@denverRegina

My god, what a disrespectful, arrogant little shitbag.

I'd come down hard and heavy on him. Does he work? Because he should be doing, he can replace anything he's damaged for starters. The girlfriend wouldn't be entertained for a while. And the door lock would be removed the instant the door gets opened.

This with bells on.

The lock goes. The phone should be removed and the WiFi password would be getting changed immediately.

DoveCube · 04/04/2021 11:44

How sad. I hope your twins are ok and not too frightened.

He needs to know that's not acceptable.

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 11:45

Find the cause first before coming down hard , as if this behaviour is out of character to need to find out the reason x

justanotherneighinparadise · 04/04/2021 11:45

Yeah that’s shitty behaviour and I would do everything I could to crack down on that.

Nightbear · 04/04/2021 11:45

Why is it always twins?

DigitalGhost · 04/04/2021 11:47

Turn the WiFi off for a start then the lock on the door.
Dont let his behaviour ruin your other kids Easter though as that's not fair.

Original poster
seriouslynaive · 04/04/2021 11:53

He doesn't usually behave like this no :(

He can be quite unpredictable though.

Generally he's great with the twins and they really do adore him, he can be the sweetest big brother and makes me very proud of him a lot of the time! But he does get fed up with them as I guess is normal for teenagers. The reason for the lock on the door is we live in an old house and so the doors are really poor, the twins would always want to play with him and they would bash on his door and it would open so he felt he had no 'privacy' and him being 15 at the time we felt he did need this.

DH reckons he is asking for attention and we shouldn't feed it and should instead just ignore him for the day and have a nice day with our DDs and then speak to him tomorrow. But i am just so angry with him for upsetting them so much and behaving like this!!

Unfortunately he has been worse since the lockdowns and missing school. He is in year 11 so missed a lot of year 10 and now year 11, he now just wants to be with his friends all the time and his girlfriend and his behaviour has changed a bit. We have felt really sorry for him (what a shit time to be a teenager) so we have tried to be as compassionate as possible with him... but this is absolutely not on as you all say.

I definitely will be taking his phone off him and making him apologise to the girls. Maybe something has happened but it still doesn't excuse this

OP posts:
Strangekindofwoman · 04/04/2021 11:58

If he's asking for attention, give it to him.

bloodyhell19 · 04/04/2021 11:59

Wifi cut, phone gone & he'd be lucky to still have a door let alone a lock if he behaved like that in my house. That is abhorrent behaviour; staying out all night is one thing but then to come home and behave like that is another. I'd understand maybe not having a kneejerk reaction today because it may not sink in but from tomorrow I'd strip every privilege he has and come down like a tonne of bricks. No excuse for behaviour like that at all.

mbosnz · 04/04/2021 12:05

You say he smells of booze? I'm wondering if he's still pissed, and also what other substances may have been consumed.

Personally, I'd leave him to it, focus on the twins, and cool down, plotting how to make him equally as miserable as he made you and the twins when he resurfaces. Oh, and turn the wifi off. He'd be fending for himself until he'd shown appropriate remorse, too.

ArmchairTraveller · 04/04/2021 12:05

Try and find out why he’s being a shit.
Yes to consequences, but hurling your entire arsenal at him leaves you little room to communicate.
Don’t take the lock off his room, he needs breathing space and room to vent without being cornered. The consequences of not having that might screw up your relationships further.
If he usually likes the twins, then that’d be my focus. They were distressed, probably a bit scared by his nastiness and that’s never acceptable. He needs to fix that.

Exhausted4ever · 04/04/2021 12:08

I agree he's seeking attention, but withholding that won't help. I'd go up and ask him to let you in so you can calmly talk to him, probe to find out if something has happened. He still needs to be disciplined and he has got to apologise to the girls and replace their eggs. I'd be removing the lock too

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/04/2021 12:10

These threads always end up as a competition to see who can come down hardest and from the greatest height on the teen. For the moment I'd just leave him in there to stew and focus on giving the twins a decent day. Otherwise you're just making the whole day about him and his stuff and all they'll remember is how he ruined it for them.

Strangekindofwoman · 04/04/2021 12:10

I wouldn't remove the lock. He needs space away from the twins.

JustSleepAlready · 04/04/2021 12:12

Remove privileges. Xbox/ps whatever, phone, no WiFi. Give eggs back to kids. And talk to him. Something may have happened. Or , he’s just drunk and belligerent. REMOVE THE LOCK. If kids go into his room out a small latch on the outside high up where they can’t reach it and it’s ‘locked’ when he’s not in it. Kids are hard bloody work. Especially teens.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/04/2021 12:13

I have to ask:

Why would you expect a 16 year old to get up and egg hunt with his sisters? Mine’s still in bed

What’s the big deal about having a lock on his door? All 4 of our teens got locks on their doors at 13.

If you’d given him space to be a teen then the horrible behaviour might not have happened.