Page 3 | to kill DS!

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/04/2021 13:19

I’m of the opinion that if you’ve raised him right he will know he’s done wrong, and when he’s in a better frame of mine, should apologize for his behavior without being print
Prompted to.

Taking his phone and grounding him isn’t the answer -

If your sister came round and started behaving like you son, your first question would be ‘what’s wrong?’ Not ‘give me your phone’

mogloveseggs · 04/04/2021 13:22

Oh op
Are your little ones ok?
I've had some battles with my Dd of the same age.
I think I'd leave him in his room to calm down/sleep it off.
Take his tea up tonight and ask for a clear answer as to why he did it. If he doesn't have a reason then I'd be looking to punish him. I think you need to try to keep communicating as much as possible especially if there is the possibility of drugs. But it might just be an argument as others have said.

Zilla1 · 04/04/2021 13:28

I'd be tempted to instruct him to open the door immediately. If not then I'd say "Fine, I'll take the twins and drive to his girlfriend's house and sit down outside with her and her parents to discuss what he did and how he was last night, if he was there and how abusive he was to 3 yr olds when he came home". IME, fear of embarrassment works wonders.

I'd turn off wifi, cancel the mobile SIM if I paid for the contract. Punishments wouldn't be lasting for days only.

Good luck.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 04/04/2021 13:29

He sounds off his tits on something.

I'd want to get in there to check he's physically OK.

And save my wrath with the heat of a thousand suns for when he's hungover/on the comedown.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/04/2021 13:31

It must be very tough for him, having gone from only child to much older sibling of twins.

Y11 is also very hard. Our Y11 DS is spending all holiday studying for the non-GCSE exams he has as soon as back in school. So quite stressful time.

I would be worried about drink and drugs. Once he has calmed down, you need to talk to him and try and find out what is happening.

Bul21ia · 04/04/2021 13:32

Coming from siblings with a big age gap. An Easter egg hunt is nice for the little ones but what about your DS? It can’t just be about the twins enjoyment.

If he doesn’t usually behave like this you need to talk with him.

LadyCatStark · 04/04/2021 13:33

I wonder if he was secretly jealous that the twins had started the hunt without him. Obviously, he’s “too old” for an Easter egg hunt and probably far too cool but 16 year olds are just big kids at heart and perhaps he was jealous that a family event was happening without him.

2bazookas · 04/04/2021 13:34

Stop his pocket money , wifi , taxi service and paying his phone . No threat, no comment, just stop. Let him work it out for himself.

Strangekindofwoman · 04/04/2021 13:37

@Zilla1

I'd be tempted to instruct him to open the door immediately. If not then I'd say "Fine, I'll take the twins and drive to his girlfriend's house and sit down outside with her and her parents to discuss what he did and how he was last night, if he was there and how abusive he was to 3 yr olds when he came home". IME, fear of embarrassment works wonders.

I'd turn off wifi, cancel the mobile SIM if I paid for the contract. Punishments wouldn't be lasting for days only.

Good luck.

Really?

Then you would wonder why he will leave home and go NC with you at the earliest opportunity.

TheJackieWeaver · 04/04/2021 13:41

It sounds like he is still drunk and/or high.

You won’t get any sense out of him today.

I would wait until tomorrow, ask “what’s wrong?” (and listen to the answer) then issue whichever sanction you think is appropriate (curfew / making it up to twins, etc?) Really important to let him talk first though.

Bryzoan · 04/04/2021 13:43

Sounds like something is going on here that needs support and love as well as clear boundaries. I would be keeping resolutely calm, giving him some space to calm down, then space to talk, but also being clear about the impact of his actions and giving consequences (eg asking that he helps set up another hunt a different day and provides some prizes - or something else unrelated to the twins to avoid increasing stress and pressure there). I would also be being clear I love him unconditionally even though not happy about the behaviour, keeping a cautious eye out for bigger picture issues around mental health, possible drug use, unhealthy relationships (including any online as well as real life friendships) etc. Good luck.

Zilla1 · 04/04/2021 13:45

@Strangekindofwoman, I'm very laid back in parenting and I know there's no counterfactual and they're all different but given the treatment of the 3 year olds, I would tackle this strongly. IME, there's more risk of relationships going off the rails by not addressing something like this and setting boundaries and such behaviour becoming normalised and accepted then worse to younger children and to mothers. Your experience and judgement will be different.

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 13:45

If you think he needs attention please don't ignore him all.day and have fun with the girls, that will make things even worse. I really feel for teenagers at the moment, not excusing the behaviour but talk.to him!

gottenhaitch · 04/04/2021 13:46

"Why is it always twins?"

Funny that isn't it 🤔

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 13:47

Reading between the lines he may feel left out and jealous of all the attention the twins are getting.

1forAll74 · 04/04/2021 13:47

I would ask him later, why he had such an angry outburst and kicked all that stuff around when he came home,he will have to explain himself big time.

I can understand that being with his girlfriend so long,would be tempting,as opposed to being doing an Easter egg hunt thing at home.

Zilla1 · 04/04/2021 13:47

And I've seen the younger siblings who got abused by elder siblings whose behaviour was tolerated and accepted who go NC as soon as they could with the parents who allowed this but we all have different experience.

excelledyourself · 04/04/2021 13:50

Good luck, OP. He doesn't sound like a bad kid usually. I hope all is okay. It's so stressful having a teenager, even a really good one!

Bonnieonthelam · 04/04/2021 13:54

@seriouslynaive

Come on here because I am so angry with DS and need to vent

DS (16) disappeared last night on a walk with his girlfriend and then ended up at her house and stayed the night (despite our rules that he shouldn't be staying at her house due to lockdown but this is a whole different story)

I have two twin DD who are 3 and spent ages doing an easter egg hunt for them and setting it up last night and I texted DS to ask if he would come home this morning to take part in the hunt as i got him some stuff as well and his sisters adore him and he can be lovely with them too. He said 'maybe x' and i didn't hear anything else.

Cut to this morning DS comes in the door at 11am (I told him we were doing it at 10:30) looking a mess, smelling of booze, grabbed loads of the eggs from my twins hunt while theyre in the middle of it, kicked a load of the eggs about, behaved like an absolute d*ckhead, both of the twins started crying, he started laughing and now has gone up to his room and locked the door (we did allow him to have a lock because the twins would always go into his room and it became a problem)

I'm absolutely fuming. I can't see any reason for this behaviour. I am actually at a loss of what to do to punish this!!! Does anyone else have a DS that behaves like this and can anyone give me any tips for stopping or solving this sort of awful behaviour?

Was he high?

fastingnewby · 04/04/2021 13:54

I'd leave him to sleep it off too and then discuss away from the family. But there would be consequences regardless, for staying out and for ruining his siblings Easter.

I'm taken aback by those who don't think he should have been expected to join the egg hunt. My 17 yo was up at 9am to join the younger ones in our egg hunt, it's what we do as a family on Easter Sunday. We did it for the older ones when they were little and now they're expected to join in the fun for the younger ones. Being a teen is not an excuse to avoid being part of family.

Hercules12 · 04/04/2021 13:55

I agree with bluebellsgreenbells. I would let him come out and put it right unprompted. Sounds like you've raised him right and it gives him a chance to put it right. I wouldn't go all heavy handed but give him a chance to resolve it himself.

Flowers24 · 04/04/2021 13:59

I don't think he should be expected to join in an egg hunt with little kids! Why should he at 16? I wouldn't expect mine to at this age

TheTeenageYears · 04/04/2021 14:00

Punishments are supposed to be relevant in order to have the most impact. He went out and stayed out so being grounded would be appropriate.

He came back and behaved appallingly to his little sisters so some time spent with them making up for it would be appropriate.

Taking things like phones away is to me only appropriate if they have misused it in some way. Most of us need our children to have their phones when outside the home for safety sake and removing whilst at home for an unrelated crime is sending a mixed message.

DinosaurDiana · 04/04/2021 14:03

With his reaction I’d be worried that it wasn’t just alcohol he’d had.
Do you have any contact with her parents ?

DinosaurDiana · 04/04/2021 14:05

Sorry if you’ve already answered this but, do the twins and he have the same dad ? I’m wondering if there’s some some jealousy or resentment there.