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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

551 replies

ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 07:51

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/04/2021 19:09

Ok. He was a twat. Got drunk. Cautioned by police and spent night in cells d&d

Not saying what he did was right, far from it

But drinking and seeing friends after a long time, plus emotions of funeral

I got rat arsed at my dh funeral as did some of his friends, police were called to pub as some were d&d but wasn’t arrested when explained the situation

As long as he knows what did was wrong, then obv don’t ltb

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:10

@Blondeshavemorefun

Ok. He was a twat. Got drunk. Cautioned by police and spent night in cells d&d

Not saying what he did was right, far from it

But drinking and seeing friends after a long time, plus emotions of funeral

I got rat arsed at my dh funeral as did some of his friends, police were called to pub as some were d&d but wasn’t arrested when explained the situation

As long as he knows what did was wrong, then obv don’t ltb

💖
MmeLaraque · 04/04/2021 19:12

@User8901

Christ on a bike people. He got too drunk, got arrested, no it’s not great but it’s hardly the end of the world and I’m sure he learned his lesson.

As for whoever said he now has a criminal record, give yourself a shake. It was a fine, it’s not a criminal record you drama Queen.

Christ on a bike people. He got too drunk, got arrested, no it’s not great but it’s hardly the end of the world and I’m sure he learned his lesson.

Getting arrested is quite enough for some companies to dismiss employees. A sniff of a criminal record is enough. Bringing the company into disrepute.

@Chickychickydodah I'm in the midlands. 16 c today, but a chilly breeze for most of it. That is *not warm... we've sat out reading in the sunshine (after the fog cleared) but it's been chilly. We were wrapped in layers of jersey cotton anf fleece. Breezy enough to blow our books off the table we were using outside. We gave up about 5pm and retreated indoors.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:15

This is just not true.

I don't know many professions who would dismiss for this.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 19:20

Look of some of you would be fine with a husband who was drunk and disorderly to the point of spending the night in the cells thats fine - but don't sneer and mock those of us who have different standards and wouldn't tolerate it.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 04/04/2021 19:21

I'm a teacher and anyone working in the school would get dismissed for this. Even the receptionist, IT guys, the site team staff. It doesn't take a high brow job for it to matter

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:26

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I'm a teacher and anyone working in the school would get dismissed for this. Even the receptionist, IT guys, the site team staff. It doesn't take a high brow job for it to matter
Not true.

They'd certainly be suspended but it would be up to the GTCS to decide (I'm in Scotland though ).

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:27

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Look of some of you would be fine with a husband who was drunk and disorderly to the point of spending the night in the cells thats fine - but don't sneer and mock those of us who have different standards and wouldn't tolerate it.
I don't see anyone on this side sneering and mocking James - you're the one who said they we only agree with her to justify our shit men Hmm
CandyLeBonBon · 04/04/2021 19:34

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I'm a teacher and anyone working in the school would get dismissed for this. Even the receptionist, IT guys, the site team staff. It doesn't take a high brow job for it to matter
Sadly that's really not the case. My ex works for the Royal Mail (sales/media rather than delivery etc) with access to databases etc. He was convicted for stalking and harassment, and used his position to mail threatening letters etc without trace. He was found guilty.

Royal Mail apparently have a very strict code of conduct regarding criminal records etc, especially if acquired in their employment.

He's still employed. Even though he used his position to send malicious letters. Even though he was found guilty.

It's utterly disheartening.

CandyLeBonBon · 04/04/2021 19:34

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows I realise it's not the same as being a teacher - I was drawing a parallel

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:35

On a total side note, I know of a notorious sex pest who has been employed to do covid tests. 🤢

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:35

Hi @CandyLeBonBon 😘

Abraxan · 04/04/2021 19:40

Christ on a bike people. He got too drunk, got arrested, no it’s not great but it’s hardly the end of the world and I’m sure he learned his lesson.

The being drunk enough to be arrested will be a massive issue for many people. It's not just getting drunk and coming home late. Getting arrested isn't the norm for a night out.

If dh did this he would definitely be risking his job, his whole career. He is a solicitor.
It would definitely be frowned upon and could have a bearing in my own job too - I teach.

Lorieandrews · 04/04/2021 19:47

At the end of the day. They’ve been together 30 years. The OP will know his behaviour. They will know what he’s like. If he does this often. Some of you are acting like you never made a mistake. At the end of the day. What happened didn’t physically harm someone. It didn’t mentally harm someone. He got drunk. Which I imagine 98% of us here have at one point in our lives. Yes he got arrested. But that can happen if he’s wandering the streets drunk. Which he was

The OP has already stated she’s not going to leave him. But it seems lots of Brooke on this thread knows him better. Do say hello next time you see them!

Regularsizedrudy · 04/04/2021 20:08

I don’t understand why some posters are so adamant this is no big deal Confused if my husband got arrested I would be like what the fuck is going on!? It would be such a huge deviation from his normal behaviour. And that’s not being snobby.. I don’t think it’s snobby to expect my husband to not get arrested!

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 20:09

[quote cockcrisps]Was this him? www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/police-paramedics-found-intoxicated-man-20318319.amp[/quote]
Stop it.

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 20:10

@Regularsizedrudy

I don’t understand why some posters are so adamant this is no big deal Confused if my husband got arrested I would be like what the fuck is going on!? It would be such a huge deviation from his normal behaviour. And that’s not being snobby.. I don’t think it’s snobby to expect my husband to not get arrested!
It's not that it's no big deal.

It's that it isn't worth leaving him for!

Regularsizedrudy · 04/04/2021 20:14

@Butwasitherdriveway that’s up to the op though isn’t it. Everyone has different levels of what they accept in a relationship. For lots of people this would cross a line, and of course it depends on past behaviour. I don’t think minimising what he has done helps anyone.

ancientgran · 04/04/2021 20:19

@Tinacollada

That was in the 1960s and I think you'll find there needs to be a worthy cause to be deprived of your liberty. And that people have phones now.
You are being nit picking, I was asked if they phoned, I was explaining the situation then. I was still working in a police station in the 90s and I've definitely known drunks left to sleep it off. Wasn't regarded as deprivation of liberty but safeguarding. Don't care if people believe it or not, irrelevant to me but it isn't unknown.
ancientgran · 04/04/2021 20:20

Just to add we were a very friendly community station. During the riots in the 80s other stations were getting bricks and firebombs through the windows, we had the local Caribbean Association arrive with a flower display to let us know they appreciated the way the station worked.

Roodicus21 · 04/04/2021 20:32

I would be pissed off too, mostly about the not letting me know, regardless of time. But I wonder whether police were more heavy handed due to Covid and restrictions? - assuming you're in the uk?

Clymene · 04/04/2021 20:41

Gosh, he was embarrassed. Well, that makes it alright then. Probably less embarrassed than his kid will be when someone mentions it at school.

Parents who let their children know very clearly that their well-being is not their priority are not good parents. Parents who get so drunk they get arrested and parents who put their sexual relationships over and above their children's well-being.

The OP's kids know that daddy is a stupid bloke who gets so drunk he gets arrested and can't be bothered to phone home and mummy will only be cross with him for a little bit because he's daddy. Even though he's ruined their Easter.

Happy Easter kids!

Amichelle84 · 04/04/2021 20:41

YANBU - I wouldn't mind him staying out if he'd let me know what he is doing.

User8901 · 04/04/2021 20:42

He 👏🏼 Doesn’t 👏🏼 Have 👏🏼 A 👏🏼 Criminal 👏🏼 Record 👏🏼