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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come home AIBU to be Pissed off?

551 replies

ShutUpaYourFace · 04/04/2021 07:51

So yesterday DP went off at 3pm to a socially distanced wake/bbq. His friends DP passed away, the funeral is soon but limited. This is a group of men that haven't got together since the pandemic. I understand they have a lot to catch up on so on, but he said it was just an afternoon thing outside. We have 2 children so about midnight I went to bed. It's now nearly 8am and he still hasn't returned. No text, no call. I'm pissed off. It has happened before and always leads to an argument. I just can't forgive the lack of respect towards myself and the kids.
AIBU? would you be pissed off too?

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 17:48

Yep, I agree also and Nanny.

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 17:48

Well in that case BUT you're on a completely different and personal crusade.

It's never ok for a parent to get nicked and not tell the other one; regardless of the time or offence.

And to other posters people done get "semi arrested" and out in the cell to sober up; legislation exists

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 17:49

@Tinacollada

Well in that case BUT you're on a completely different and personal crusade.

It's never ok for a parent to get nicked and not tell the other one; regardless of the time or offence.

And to other posters people done get "semi arrested" and out in the cell to sober up; legislation exists

Your last sentence is not true.

Nobody is on a crusade.

We never said it is OK.
We said it's not worth ending the relationship.

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 17:49

don't get arrested and put in a cell

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 17:50

"We " can put up with that shite then 👏🏻

Anordinarymum · 04/04/2021 17:58

The last time I got drunk at a party I had to be taken home by............. my son. Oh the shame of it. 'Come on Mum, I think you've had enough'
I hadn't had nearly enough.

It was a bloody good party - the bits I remember. A birthday party. I was filmed dancing in the kitchen by said son and then watched by many and I do not care.

The only part I regret is doing as I was told for once and going with him

SweetToffee · 04/04/2021 18:05

We can all do stuff , I think his embarrassment at having been arrested is enough. I wouldn’t berate him. It’s happened. He’s alive. He was an idiot . Oh well

Chickychickydodah · 04/04/2021 18:09

Take the kids and go out for the day , ignore his calls.

Normally I'd completely agree with this. I'd bugger off for a special Easter outing and let him miss out. But it's a lockdown Easter Sunday so where could you go? If it was nicer weather you could go to the beach but I've just been out to prepare the patio for a rule of 6 outdoor lunch later and it's bloody cold out there.

@Confusedandshaken
I live in the midlands and it’s been beautiful today!
We’ve had a McDonald’s picnic at the side of the river and a lovely walk !
Not all parts of the country are cold.

ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:10

@Tinacollada

Well in that case BUT you're on a completely different and personal crusade.

It's never ok for a parent to get nicked and not tell the other one; regardless of the time or offence.

And to other posters people done get "semi arrested" and out in the cell to sober up; legislation exists

I've known people put in the cells to sober up, worked in a police station for many years.
ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:12

@SheldonesqueIsAlmostHuman

Older Scottish here. I think I may be similar to ancientgran here.

For me the wake is when you have the departed in the house and someone bides with them until the funeral. They aren’t left alone. And folk come in and out to pay their respects and have a drink or twenty while they reminisce.

Yes that is what a wake means to me.
User8901 · 04/04/2021 18:16

Christ on a bike people. He got too drunk, got arrested, no it’s not great but it’s hardly the end of the world and I’m sure he learned his lesson.

As for whoever said he now has a criminal record, give yourself a shake. It was a fine, it’s not a criminal record you drama Queen.

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 18:21

Hope they used their phone call Ancient 🙄

ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:22

@JinglingHellsBells

Ah okay *@ancientgran*. In my area it's usually the name they give to the 'party' afterwards.
Are you in England? I've heard English people use it for after the funeral. Funny how meaning can change in the same language.
ancientgran · 04/04/2021 18:25

@Tinacollada

Hope they used their phone call Ancient 🙄
I know this sounds mad now but back in the 60s it wasn't that unusual to not have a phone. I remember being woken up one night when the police were shouting up to my neighbour telling her not to worry about her son, he was sleeping it off in the cells and would be home the following morning. She didn't have a phone. If I remember correctly it was about 1 am. I wasn't impressed but I guess they thought they were doing the right thing.
dopeyduck · 04/04/2021 18:25

Do you think you've got time to change the locks before he gets back. What a prick.

S111n20 · 04/04/2021 18:27

@SweetToffee

We can all do stuff , I think his embarrassment at having been arrested is enough. I wouldn’t berate him. It’s happened. He’s alive. He was an idiot . Oh well
Agree.

I wouldn’t end my relationship over this.

Tinacollada · 04/04/2021 18:27

That was in the 1960s and I think you'll find there needs to be a worthy cause to be deprived of your liberty.
And that people have phones now.

InFiveMins · 04/04/2021 18:44

He sounds immature and irresponsible.

Ending up in a police cell and he's a 45 year old father - what a role model for his children Confused

Couldn't be with a 'man' like that.

DrManhattan · 04/04/2021 18:45

Some low low standards on here. Maybe too close to the bone for some to think about for too long.
Drunk and disorderly doesn't usually get a night in the cells- usually a lift home. Unless he was so wasted he didn't know his name/ address. Sad times.

TJ17 · 04/04/2021 18:48

@DrManhattan

Some low low standards on here. Maybe too close to the bone for some to think about for too long. Drunk and disorderly doesn't usually get a night in the cells- usually a lift home. Unless he was so wasted he didn't know his name/ address. Sad times.
Just about to say the same. Very low standards but each to their own.
Nanny0gg · 04/04/2021 18:50

@DrManhattan

Some low low standards on here. Maybe too close to the bone for some to think about for too long. Drunk and disorderly doesn't usually get a night in the cells- usually a lift home. Unless he was so wasted he didn't know his name/ address. Sad times.
My standards are just fine thanks.

Imo there are plenty of reasons for ending a 30 year marriage. I don't happen to think this is one of them

TJ17 · 04/04/2021 18:51

Also to the poster who said I was immature for saying "bin him" just because it's a 30 year relationship.

Why does being in a relationship for a certain amount of time mean that you are then stuck with them forever even if they leave you and your children at home worried all night long with no word, ending up in a police cell at 45 years old. But yeah you're right she can't possibly leave him after 30 years. No matter what he does from here on in OP you're stuck with him now 🙄

TJ17 · 04/04/2021 18:52

Fine for you maybe but low if you'd accept this.

DrManhattan · 04/04/2021 19:00

50Nanny0gg

My standards are just fine thanks.

Why did you think that applied to you then?

Butwasitherdriveway · 04/04/2021 19:00

@TJ17

Also to the poster who said I was immature for saying "bin him" just because it's a 30 year relationship.

Why does being in a relationship for a certain amount of time mean that you are then stuck with them forever even if they leave you and your children at home worried all night long with no word, ending up in a police cell at 45 years old. But yeah you're right she can't possibly leave him after 30 years. No matter what he does from here on in OP you're stuck with him now 🙄

Are you missing the point that she wants to stay or are have you just decided you know better?
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