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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you let teen ds go to centre parcs in this situation

298 replies

Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 22:11

Hi

Son is 14 if he can go Centre parcs in august with his boyfriend and boyfriends older brother and friends.

Older brother of boyfriend is 21.

I am not sure I feel comfortable with it, he thinks I’m being v unreasonable.

Back story - his sister has been v sick and there is no chance of having a break this year.
So would be nice for him to get away but are 21 year olds really responsible for 2 14 year old boys.

OP posts:
Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:08

I literally have said no I don’t know how many times I have to clarify that.

OP posts:
JustMeAndWheatley · 03/04/2021 23:08

Not a chance.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2021 23:09

These 14 year old boys are both below the age of consent and should NOT be in a sexual relationship. It is a safeguarding concern that the OP seems totally unaware of.

TheOldRazzleDazzle · 03/04/2021 23:10

Not sure what I find weirder - the insistence that 14 year olds dating must be having sex or the disbelief that they could be. 14 is an age where there is a huge range of experience, so either is entirely possible.

I also don’t think getting good grades means you’re less interested in sex or likely to experiment!

BungleandGeorge · 03/04/2021 23:10

Center parcs don’t take bookings from single sex parties, you have to ring and request and at those ages I’d say not a hope they’ll take the booking

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:10

I’m so confused how I am unaware of it when I said NO. I said no as soon as he asked at dinner

OP posts:
Tankflybosswalkjam · 03/04/2021 23:10

@sabrinathemiddleagewitch it’s not madness, it’s boundaries. And of course they can be breached but they’re still there.

And that’s a ridiculous swerve attempt to bring in bisexuality as a reason not to allow sleepovers. No one has said that, and these 14 year old boys are in a relationship.

AmelieTaylor · 03/04/2021 23:10

@Troublewaters2021

What, specifically, made you say no?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 03/04/2021 23:10

Nope. He is 14 and going away with someone he is a relationship with.
If he was going with friends and I personally knew the 21 year olds and they were responsible, it would be different.
My youngest dd is 13 and I would let her go with her sisters who are in their 20s and I suspect that a friend might tag along.
Different ball game where sexual relationships might exist for kids underage
Just plain no.

Tankflybosswalkjam · 03/04/2021 23:11

@Viviennemary agree totally

WitchyBolloxNStuff · 03/04/2021 23:11

@titchy it is because they are boys, if it was a 14 yo girl with her boyfriend it would be a straight no.

I have literally just posted about my just turned 15 yo (was 14 a few weeks ago so still a young 15) sleeping over with 16 yo girls who I know are sexually active. One poster actually said I'd be his hero if I let him go Shock Hmm I mean it's one thing making a decision about letting him go but I definitely couldn't give a shit if I'm his hero or not!

I don't think I'd be comfortable due to the boys relationship, if it was platonic then totally different,and in that case it would be pretty sad that a 21 yo couldn't be responsible for looking after 2 14 yos, why are kids/young adults babied so much these days. 21 yo is a fully grown adult.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 03/04/2021 23:11

Pleased to see you said no.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:13

@AmelieTaylor well my instant reaction without thinking about it was an instant no.
After he went upstairs.

My reasons were the same as many on here
Supervision being the main one.

If say I was going on the holiday - they wouldn’t share a room etc

The fact that 21 year olds might want alcohol and not stop them etc.

OP posts:
masterofthechef · 03/04/2021 23:13

right not to let him go, and I know from experience that teen parents understandably impose greater restrictions on their own teens.

On another point CP is a glorified caravan park, maybe have a chat about booking someone better for activities that he will like , for eg , near me is Bala Lake and a great activity centre, will be loads more local to where you are.

GuildfordGal · 03/04/2021 23:13

FGS the number of MN posts about early teen mixed sleepovers and the responses are a unanimous 'boys in one room, girls in another, and supervise!' otherwise sex will happen. And yet here we're removing parents and adding alcohol but they won't have sex despite being a couple?

Not at all. The post quoted conjures up an entirely different scenario of going with the intention of getting repeatedly pissed and shagging each other and not intending to do anything else.

I'm also repeatedly unimpressed with the commonly-held MN view that all teenagers are exactly the same when it comes to sexual behaviour and booze. We really should all be a bit smarter than that by now.

Yeah. They really aren't going for the sport you know. They'll be having sex and getting very pissed. Waking up hungover then going to the pool. Doing one activity late afternoon. Then having sex and getting pissed again

dustydaffs · 03/04/2021 23:14

I would say no. The chances are it'll still be the centerparcs rule that you have to be from one household in august, our break has been cancelled because we weren't one household.

GuildfordGal · 03/04/2021 23:15

Incidentally OP, I think you're right to say no.

Original poster
Troublewaters2021 · 03/04/2021 23:15

@masterofthechef you are right.
He does have boundaries he doesn’t stay out later, he is home on school nights after clubs ( sports clubs not nightclubs ) before you know I’m
Accused of that to.

At weekends he has clubs on Saturday and normally goes up to the water lake on a Sunday
( so just incase like posited above who doesn’t believe someone who is born to a young mum can’t play rugby or go to a water sports club )
He got in to rugby at school and he was good at it. I have worked his whole life and so yes he doesn’t clubs. The water club is pay as you go and doesn’t cost even as much as sending a 6 year old to ballet.

He is home by 9 pm weekends.

OP posts:
me4real · 03/04/2021 23:16

I wouldn't. The older boys will want to get pissed etc and stuff.

Snookie00 · 03/04/2021 23:16

@Loshad. Don’t forget the sailing as well as the polo and rugby. It’s a wonder how a 14yo fits in any time to indulge have relationships with both boys and girls.

daisypond · 03/04/2021 23:19

If it was your teen who wanted to go to centre parks with his own older adult brother and they each brought along a friend, would you think differently?

GuildfordGal · 03/04/2021 23:20

I'm assuming the troll-hunters have already hit the report button? If so, you can stand down and take a relaxing breather.

OuiOuiKitty · 03/04/2021 23:20

I have a 14yr old ds and it would be a solid no from me. No going away with romantic partners and no going away with 21yr olds.

My ds is quite a young 14 and rigidly stocks to rules, I know he wouldn't drink and have sex but it would still be a no. I wouldn't want him to be put in a position where he might feel pressured into doing either of those things. And honestly he just needs proper adult supervision that I don't think would happen on a boys trip.

daisypond · 03/04/2021 23:21

@me4real

I wouldn't. The older boys will want to get pissed etc and stuff.
Why do you assume that? Most 21-year-olds I know don’t drink at all.
moochingtothepub · 03/04/2021 23:22

@Troublewaters2021

As to how to handle sleepovers, I insisted on separate rooms then gave up pretending I didn't know what was going on behind my back when I was working when dd was 16.5