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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to get baby christened/baptised?

151 replies

jellyfishinatent · 02/04/2021 16:12

Expecting first baby.

DP wants baby to be christened/baptised, I do not.

I am not in any way religious. Neither is DP but he for some reason he sort of identifies as Catholic. His mother is religious and goes to church weekly, prays etc but this is personal to her and she doesn't talk about her religion ie. doesnt push it on others if that makes sense. This is not a MIL thread btw- we get on very well!

DP wants baby to be christened because he was , and he thinks it's traditional (??). DP does not believe in God, go to church, pray etc etc.

I do not want baby to be christened because I am not religious, and neither is he! Baby will not be brought up as a Catholic, and to me it seems an odd thing to do if we are not religious.

AIBU to not want my baby to be christened as a Catholic, and they can make their own choice on their religious views/if they want to be baptised when they are old enough?!

OP posts:
ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 19:07

NeverDropYourMoonCup

Totally different wording at an Irish baptism or christening.
Three questions asked as I recall. One is about bringing the child up in the faith, the other is denouncing the devil and all his works and I can't remember the third - maybe something about continuing your own faith or something.

No exorcisms involved lol.

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 19:10

My dd slept through the entire thing like a Boss baby. My aunt had crocheted this ginormous white blanket which she was wrapped in. In hindsight, I suspect that she was passed out with the heat. All the other babies cried. Priest remarked on how she was such a good baby. I preened my feathers.

JumperooSue · 03/04/2021 19:13

YANBU. I didn’t want my daughter christened, neither me or my partner are religious but his family always have a christening when a new baby is born. It wouldn’t feel right to me to stand in a church and take part in a religious ceremony I have absolutely no belief in. I told my partner that she could be christened if she asks to be when she’s old enough to understand.

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 19:14

There used to be an urgency about baptising a child. It was often done within a day at hospital. As I said, if it was felt that the baby was in danger of dying, the midwife would baptise the baby immediately. My grandmother was very worried about my baby who was not baptised until she was 3 months old. That was because I wanted my Uncle as her godfather shit choice and he was coming home at Christmas. My grandmother did not rest easy until she knew that the child was baptised. She actually told me that the child 'won't thrive' until she's baptised. My poor Nan! The stress I put her under for 3 months until I got this child baptised!

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 19:16

Catholicism is all a bit woo. If you've been reared in it, it's hard not to be a bit superstitious even when you're a grown adult and know that logically it's all bunkum!

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 19:20

I remember reading something a couple of years ago on here I think, where the MIL went and had the baby baptised without the mother's knowledge! LOL. Older generations who really have faith, are terrified for the souls of the unbaptised. It's nothing mad or bad, it's just their faith and a fear of eternal damnation for a child.

YoniAndGuy · 03/04/2021 19:31

@ismiseeire

I remember reading something a couple of years ago on here I think, where the MIL went and had the baby baptised without the mother's knowledge! LOL. Older generations who really have faith, are terrified for the souls of the unbaptised. It's nothing mad or bad, it's just their faith and a fear of eternal damnation for a child.
Fear of eternal damnation does sound quite mad, yes 👍🏼
Captpike · 03/04/2021 19:54

And bad...

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 03/04/2021 19:58

@ismiseeire

NeverDropYourMoonCup

Totally different wording at an Irish baptism or christening.
Three questions asked as I recall. One is about bringing the child up in the faith, the other is denouncing the devil and all his works and I can't remember the third - maybe something about continuing your own faith or something.

No exorcisms involved lol.

I know - I was quoting the CofE words, as it feels as though some people were trying to make Catholic baptism out to be something awful in comparison.
FinallyHere · 03/04/2021 21:22

You can’t just go to a church and expect the vicar to christen a child

As PPs have mentioned, a Roman Catholic priest would never refuse the sacrament of baptism for any child, never mind the precious grandchild of a member of the church. You would however explicitly be promising to bring the child up in the church so can expect a lifetime of subtle and not so subtle hints about what you should be doing.

Things that you would already have solemnly promised to do.

Why promise to do things you have no intention to keep to? Imagine how embarrassing it would be to have the priest turn up and ask why you have not been being the child to Mass etc. It is indeed their duty to keep everyone who has made those promises up to the mark. Along with getting married and all sorts.

If you do find yourself going ahead, make sure you pass them onto DP every.single.time. And that he is ready to answer them and not just pass it off to you.

Bythemillpond · 03/04/2021 21:35

Why promise to do things you have no intention to keep to? Imagine how embarrassing it would be to have the priest turn up and ask why you have not been being the child to Mass etc

This is what happened to us. The priest was forever on our doorstep and it led to so many arguments as he wouldn’t take no for an answer
I think they only agreed to the christening to appease my aunts mother.

It wasn’t embarrassing to have the priest come round it was very annoying to have the visits several times per week

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 23:24

No exorcisms involved lol. - in an Irish RC baptism.

The baptismal exorcism rite is done by more traditionally minded priests.

I suspect people here are thinking of demonic possession type exorcism when they hear the word, as in The Exorcist.

There are 'major' and 'minor' exorcisms. Baptism can feature the minor kind, such as the prayer in the baptismal rite from Hitchin linked upthread.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 23:32

You are signing up to bringing the child up in the faith into which he/she is being baptised. Parents and godparents promise to fight against 'sin, the world and the devil'.

You are signing up to do your best to teach your child what your faith means to you, by word and/or example, and to teach your child to love your neighbour as yourself, like the vast majority of parents everywhere.

You have asked to have your child baptised. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him/her in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him/her up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbour. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 23:41

@mathanxiety

You are signing up to bringing the child up in the faith into which he/she is being baptised. Parents and godparents promise to fight against 'sin, the world and the devil'.

You are signing up to do your best to teach your child what your faith means to you, by word and/or example, and to teach your child to love your neighbour as yourself, like the vast majority of parents everywhere.

You have asked to have your child baptised. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him/her in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him/her up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbour. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

I said yes to all that with my own child and then banned her from playing violin at the church choir once she was confirmed! Don't fucking ask me why. I wanted her soul to be saved, but I wanted her to have nothing to do with the physical church. What she chooses to do in terms of religion now is up to her.
ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 23:44

I am so indoctrinated, that while I don't believe most things, I'm certainly taking no chances with my soul or my children's souls! Grin
Where the devil is concerned, I'm taking no chances.
#doubtingthomas (incidentally, my mother used to frequently accuse me of being a doubting thomas lol - it was whenever you asked questions)

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 23:48

Renouncing " Satan and all his works " is not an exorcism.

Correct. It's not an exorcism.

An exorcism, whether major or minor, involves prayer and blessing by the priest.

In lieu of the Creed at Mass, the priest can invite the congregation to essentially recite the Creed except in call and response form, prefaced by a question and answer about renouncing Satan and all his works. It is not an exorcism.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 23:49

Could she choose to play the violin in the church though?

TheBigGreenDinosaur · 03/04/2021 23:52

I haven’t RTFT but YANBU. You have differing religious beliefs so surely the logical thing to do is have a naming ceremony then the child can decide if they want to be baptised when they are older. We have not had our DC baptised, DH is atheist and I was christened CofE but do not practice. We both believe that religion is a personal thing and our DC can choose to follow whatever religion they want when they are older, if they choose to at all.

Yubaba · 04/04/2021 00:10

We had our DC baptised to keep the family happy and to keep our options open for schools, I really regret it now.
We opted for a secular education and the dc have hardly ever been to church, mainly weddings and church parade for scouts.
DH and I both grew up in religious families and had a church education and it’s total indoctrination.
We opted for a civil wedding because we don’t do religion but we gave in on the baptism and I really wish we hadn’t.

ismiseeire · 04/04/2021 03:44

@mathanxiety

Could she choose to play the violin in the church though?
No she fucking won't. When she's 18. Not on my watch however.
ismiseeire · 04/04/2021 03:49

@Yubaba

We had our DC baptised to keep the family happy and to keep our options open for schools, I really regret it now. We opted for a secular education and the dc have hardly ever been to church, mainly weddings and church parade for scouts. DH and I both grew up in religious families and had a church education and it’s total indoctrination. We opted for a civil wedding because we don’t do religion but we gave in on the baptism and I really wish we hadn’t.
If you don't believe in it, it's just pomp and ceremony. It's not going to change them in any way!

I'm a fully fledged Catholic (apparently) and the biggest heathen you could come across. Them being baptised is not going to limit them in any way. When they ask what is your/their religion at hospital for example you can simply say 'no religion' or your preferred religion or 'atheist'.

While I hate the Church beyond really any instituion in the world, I do still have some faith in what I was taught. Saints, Christmas etc. I pray to saints when in need. I do have the tiniest drop of faith - it's more a case of hedging my bets just in case there is something there and I end up going to hell!

ismiseeire · 04/04/2021 03:56

@TheBigGreenDinosaur

I haven’t RTFT but YANBU. You have differing religious beliefs so surely the logical thing to do is have a naming ceremony then the child can decide if they want to be baptised when they are older. We have not had our DC baptised, DH is atheist and I was christened CofE but do not practice. We both believe that religion is a personal thing and our DC can choose to follow whatever religion they want when they are older, if they choose to at all.
What on earth is a naming ceremony? Is it some sort of imitation of a Christening without the Christening bit? Just a party to celebrate the baby or is the name not revealed until the naming ceremony?

SURPRISE - HIS NAME WILL BE BOB!!!

ismiseeire · 04/04/2021 03:59

It's worth noting that I didn't eat meat on Good Friday (despite me not being a devout Catholic) and today is Easter Sunday when our Lord rose again which is to give us hope. I wish that I had hope sometimes. But I feel bad arguing about religion today really. I know that it won't help me. In fact, arguing on any day, will not help me!

sashh · 04/04/2021 07:43

And sharing the peace isn't actually literally spreading peace around, it's looking the people next to you in the eye and shaking hands (outside Covid times anyhow).

I thought that was the sign of peace.

And at no time did I suggest this was a major exorcism as seen in Hollywood.

FinallyHere · 04/04/2021 07:59

the tiniest drop of faith - it's more a case of hedging my bets just in case there is something there and I end up going to hell!

The way that religion uses fear to pressure people to comply is the thing that finally (sic) made me, well, decide not to comply.

I do absolutely do my best to treat others as I would like to be treated. I do not allow myself to be controlled by fear, so no organise religion for me. That just in case is the exercise of their control.

Just sayin'

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