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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to get baby christened/baptised?

151 replies

jellyfishinatent · 02/04/2021 16:12

Expecting first baby.

DP wants baby to be christened/baptised, I do not.

I am not in any way religious. Neither is DP but he for some reason he sort of identifies as Catholic. His mother is religious and goes to church weekly, prays etc but this is personal to her and she doesn't talk about her religion ie. doesnt push it on others if that makes sense. This is not a MIL thread btw- we get on very well!

DP wants baby to be christened because he was , and he thinks it's traditional (??). DP does not believe in God, go to church, pray etc etc.

I do not want baby to be christened because I am not religious, and neither is he! Baby will not be brought up as a Catholic, and to me it seems an odd thing to do if we are not religious.

AIBU to not want my baby to be christened as a Catholic, and they can make their own choice on their religious views/if they want to be baptised when they are old enough?!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 03/04/2021 01:15

Might be useful for school admissions. Baby will only get wet, it's not going to make them follow a religion. That's a personal choice for later, baptised or not.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 04:36

Polish Catholics are Roman Catholics.

One of them was Karol Wojtyla, aka Pope John Paul II.

There are several small Catholic denominations in eastern Europe which are in communion with Rome (meaning they accept the authority of the Pope).

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 05:31

Eastern Orthodox? In full communion with Rome and refers to itself as Catholic. Lots of history to explain it. Loads.

The Orthodox Churches and the Roman Church split in the Great Schism of 1054, with mutual excommunications of leaders (which were revoked in 1965 by Rome and Constantinople).

Churches in Europe and western Asia which are in communion with Rome have their roots in Antioch, Alexandria, Armenia, Constantinople (Byzantium) and Chaldean (Syrian) traditions. These include the Romanian Greek Catholic Church. There are 23 churches in all iirc, with membership of about 18 million people.

sashh · 03/04/2021 06:11

I have actually never been to a christening!

The RC version includes an exorcism, it's hidden a bit more these days but it is still there.

Do you really think your child is born sinful and needs an exorcism?

I've been to a number of baptisms/christenings but the nicest ceremony was a naming.

We basically turned up with presents, ate food and toasted the baby with champagne.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 06:26

There is a difference between 'sinful' and 'original sin'.

Stillfunny · 03/04/2021 06:28

Renouncing " Satan and all his works " is not an exorcism.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2021 06:36

Rite of Exorcism:
"Almighty and every-living God, you sent your only Son into the world to cast out the power of Satan, spirit of evil, to rescue man from the kingdom of darkness, and bring him into the splendour of your kingdom of light.
We pray for this child: set him/her free from original sin, make him/her a temple of your glory, and send your Holy Spirit to dwell with him/her.
Through Christ our Lord."

Original sin refers to our fallen nature. Human nature if you will. It's the absence of original holiness.
Sinfulness refers to actual committed sin - our choices.

MsTSwift · 03/04/2021 08:01

I am always taken aback by how full on pledging religion is at christenings - wedding much more low key. I think unless one of you had genuine faith it would be a very uncomfortable situation.

Dh parents not religious at all but he was christened because it’s “what you do” which I thought very odd. He is a fervent atheist now and resents it.

Camomila · 03/04/2021 08:32

As a Catholic I wouldn't get offended if you got your baby baptised for cultural/traditional reasons...plenty of people describe themselves as Cultural Catholics but don't believe in God.

I don't think you should do it if you feel uncomfortable though, you could have a lovely naming ceremony for your baby instead.

Stillfunny · 03/04/2021 09:05

@mathanxiety. The original sin part is no longer used in most diocese .

2orangey · 03/04/2021 09:19

Our local town hall does naming ceremonies for a couple of hundred quid. Or you could just have a party at a cafe/village hall/at home to welcome the baby. I don't think a Christening is very relevant if you aren't Christian's.

Sindragosan · 03/04/2021 09:45

@Stillfunny

The concept of limbo is no longer acceptable in the Catholic Church It is not ever referred to anymore as it is an outmoded and backward thinking practice. I say this as a practicing Catholic and some one who worked on Baptism classes. If a couple presents themselves to get a child baptised , the priest does not question their motives or care about their marital status. But they are asked to attend some classes to understand what is involved and what they are being asked to committ to. At that point if you don't agree with the ceremony , you dont have to go any further. Because of shortage of priests, it is usually done once a month and if there are too many requests, they may ask people to go the next month. Once or twice , somebody may question a religious fact but it is explained that it is not open to debate.The ceremony is the same as it ever was for years. All are welcome , it is up to you if you want to accept the terms.
I'm pleased to hear things have changed. I've only been at a handful of weddings and christenings over the last decade, my Catholic knowledge is clearly out of date but in a good way.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 03/04/2021 11:30

@mathanxiety

Eastern Orthodox? In full communion with Rome and refers to itself as Catholic. Lots of history to explain it. Loads.

The Orthodox Churches and the Roman Church split in the Great Schism of 1054, with mutual excommunications of leaders (which were revoked in 1965 by Rome and Constantinople).

Churches in Europe and western Asia which are in communion with Rome have their roots in Antioch, Alexandria, Armenia, Constantinople (Byzantium) and Chaldean (Syrian) traditions. These include the Romanian Greek Catholic Church. There are 23 churches in all iirc, with membership of about 18 million people.

Thank you for having the patience to explain it when I didn't. I tend to try and stay clear of ecumenical matters when I can.
sashh · 03/04/2021 12:30

Renouncing " Satan and all his works " is not an exorcism.

It's literally called, "Rite of Exorcism", @mathanxiety quoted.

Bythemillpond · 03/04/2021 12:40

We had this in our family. The christening led almost to a punch up with the priest involved who wouldn’t leave is alone.
We were a multi family home and one uncle had married someone who was catholic and like you the catholic aunt didn’t go to church. We aren’t a Christian household
The christening led to daily visits by the priest for them to bring the child to church. He wouldn’t leave us alone.
I think at one point the police were called.

No idea what it is like now but I would not want to find out.

WednesdayalltheWay · 03/04/2021 12:51

Christenings are awfully dull and probably a nightmare for the parents trying to get the baby to be awake at the right time etc, don't know why you would bother.

MrsDThomas · 03/04/2021 12:55

We didn’t baptise the kids. There is absolutely no point in it. My late MIL said they would be “closer to god” and i told her in a polite way to sod off with her religious claptrap.

I was baptised as my grandma told my mum to do it 46 yrs ago. Those days are well and truly over.

catsandchaos · 03/04/2021 13:10

My family are Catholic. My mum saw sense not to baptise me and let me make my own choices

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 03/04/2021 13:43

@sashh

Renouncing " Satan and all his works " is not an exorcism.

It's literally called, "Rite of Exorcism", @mathanxiety quoted.

And sharing the peace isn't actually literally spreading peace around, it's looking the people next to you in the eye and shaking hands (outside Covid times anyhow). It's a fancy phrase for being friendly and making some sort of human connection whilst thinking nice thoughts during Mass.

The implication of an exorcism in sashh's comments was the 'The Power of Christ Compels Thee!' stuff of Hollywood. Which is ridiculous in the context of Baptism. although some babies do puke in a way more akin to a horror movie at times

It's also in the Book of Common Prayer for the CofE

I demand therefore,

Wherefore, after this promise made by Christ, this Infant must also faithfully, for his part, promise by you that are his sureties, (until he come of age to take it upon himself,) that he will renounce the devil and all his works, and constantly believe God's holy Word, and obediently keep his commandments.

DOST thou, in the name of this Child, renounce the devil and all his works, the vain pomp and glory of the world, with all covetous desires of the same, and the carnal desires of the flesh, so that thou wilt not follow nor be led by them?

and the only real difference is it's referred to as The Decision these days;

'In baptism, God calls us out of darkness into his marvellous light.

To follow Christ means dying to sin and rising to new life with him.

Therefore I ask:

Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?

I reject them.

Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?

I renounce them.

Do you repent of the sins that separate us from God and neighbour?

I repent of them.

Do you turn to Christ as Saviour?

I turn to Christ.

Do you submit to Christ as Lord?

I submit to Christ.

Do you come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life?

I come to Christ.'

Same intent, just a slightly different name referring to it. One that's less open to being hijacked by somebody not keen on Catholicism - albeit still open to being used as a criticism by an anti-theist (I use that rather than atheist because an atheist might not have any negative opinion) 'how dare they say an adult can make a 'decision' or speak for a child?', etc.

Palavah · 03/04/2021 13:58

@mathanxiety

Do you think there's any harm in it?

You're not signing the baby up for anything they have to keep on doing.

Contrary to suggestions here, it's up to the baby what he or she decides to believe or observe in the course of life.

Speaking as the relative of a large number of self identified Buddhists, atheists and humanists here, all baptized Christians.

You are signing up to bringing the child up in the faith into which he/she is being baptised. Parents and godparents promise to fight against 'sin, the world and the devil'.

Where does it go next - catholic school?

Captpike · 03/04/2021 17:02

@BlackeyedSusan

Might be useful for school admissions. Baby will only get wet, it's not going to make them follow a religion. That's a personal choice for later, baptised or not.
If the OP isn't Catholic, why would she want her child to go to Catholic school?
CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 03/04/2021 17:55

YANBU. Neither of you are religious, you are being honest if you do not baptise your baby. I am religious but respect a person who is honest about their faith (or about not having one) more than someone who fakes it for some social approval or to get a child into a particular school.

PerspicaciousGreen · 03/04/2021 18:57

@Captpike Loads of people want to get into Catholic schools who aren't Catholic. They're seen as better schools in many areas and they reckon they can just ignore the Catholic bit. Then lots of them complain that the school is too religious! I mean, would you complain a Muslim school was too religious for stopping to pray five times a day? But for some reason Catholic schools are rude to practice Catholicism...!

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 18:59

If the OP isn't Catholic, why would she want her child to go to Catholic school? Usually because they are the better schools.