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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to get baby christened/baptised?

151 replies

jellyfishinatent · 02/04/2021 16:12

Expecting first baby.

DP wants baby to be christened/baptised, I do not.

I am not in any way religious. Neither is DP but he for some reason he sort of identifies as Catholic. His mother is religious and goes to church weekly, prays etc but this is personal to her and she doesn't talk about her religion ie. doesnt push it on others if that makes sense. This is not a MIL thread btw- we get on very well!

DP wants baby to be christened because he was , and he thinks it's traditional (??). DP does not believe in God, go to church, pray etc etc.

I do not want baby to be christened because I am not religious, and neither is he! Baby will not be brought up as a Catholic, and to me it seems an odd thing to do if we are not religious.

AIBU to not want my baby to be christened as a Catholic, and they can make their own choice on their religious views/if they want to be baptised when they are old enough?!

OP posts:

Livpool · 02/04/2021 21:34

My DS was baptised as a Catholic. DH is a Catholic and attends mass. I am an agnostic and do not. I had no feelings either way so happy for our DS to be baptised as DH wanted it.

If you aren't though then I would say no. Both parties have to agree to what is quite a big step (religiously speaking)

huggzy · 02/04/2021 21:39

My children aren't christened.

I'm not christened, my Dad said that we should be allowed to make our own choices when we're old enough to do so. OH is christened, although his parents aren't actually religious they just had their children christened because it was what people did.

I don't believe in god but I felt it would be disrespectful of us to stand in a church and promise to bring my children up to believe in god, when I know that's not true. Just to be clear I don't judge others who do that, it's just the way I feel,

SnackSizeRaisin · 02/04/2021 21:40

Yanbu. I'm.sure most people who have babies baptised don't believe in any of it, and that's fine as there's a traditional element to it, but I would still feel uncomfortable myself if I was to stand at the front of a church and basically lie. I would look into alternatives such as a blessing in a church, or maybe a humanist ceremony, if he wants some kind of celebration or recognition. Or just have a party because!

Whenthingsgobumpinthenight · 02/04/2021 21:50

You could always just have a naming ceremony with friends and family.

I’m Catholic, not really practicing and not certain what I believe but I did have my DCs baptised, DH baptised Methodist but never went to church. and not religious at all, he was happy for me to do it. Not sure why I wanted to do it but something in me wanted to. A lot of the parents in our DCs school are the same, one parent Catholic one not and it’s usually the dads that are Catholic. It’s quite amusing when religious events come up and the mums refuse to sit through mass or even worse the bible classes to get our DCs ready for their sacraments, all the dads look so pissed off to be stuck in church being preached to when they could be at home or in the pub.

ismiseeire · 02/04/2021 21:54

If he has absolutely no faith, then fine. But being Catholic, it's highly likely that he will have been indoctrined in some way. Historically, even if a baby was still-born in hospital, nurses/midwives had the ability to baptise the baby on birth to save it from limbo (a place where innocent babies' souls went before the 80's - then they upgraded to first class seats to heaven in the 90's after a period in pergotary in the 80's I think). Weird but ye, happened.

Strangely, we were told, as part of our doctrine, that if we ever came across someone dying, that we would say an Act of Contrition into their ear, so that they wouldn't go to hell. It takes a couple of generations for things to die out.

Baptism is essentially the cleansing of the original sin (Adam & Eve). A bit of a lot to burden a newborn with, but if you've grown up with that doctrine, you don't question it really.

ismiseeire · 02/04/2021 21:56

Films about exorcism make me very happy to be Catholic lol.

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 21:57

You could have an informal baby naming ceremony.

ismiseeire · 02/04/2021 22:01

If I'm possessed - please call the Vatican.

Druidlookingidiot · 02/04/2021 22:01

@drpet49

Baby naming ceremony? Sounds ridiculous and grabby.

What a truly ridiculous response. The two I’ve been to, involved family and close friends gathered for an informal ceremony and then afternoon tea.

EileenGC · 02/04/2021 22:08

Catholic belief is still that you need to be baptised to go to heaven, I think they softened their stance on babies going to hell, and they go to limbo instead. Catholic priests probably would baptise any child on that basis, that its the soul of the child at risk otherwise.

This is something I struggle so much with and can’t imagine the pain and uncertainty it has caused people who lost their children at a young age. One of the doctrines from the Catholic Church I will never understand.

What is this belief based on? ‘The soul of the child is at risk’? Where in the Bible does it say innocent babies go to hell or limbo (that’s before we start debating the existence of either of those)? I belong to a Christian denomination which bases all its doctrines on the Bible. To see one of the biggest religions in the world say these things is so sad, because it’s not based on anything God said or left written for us. How utterly heartbreaking for all the generations that blindly followed the church’s teachings, who aren’t actually based on the Bible...

GoldenOmber · 02/04/2021 22:33

Where in the Bible does it say innocent babies go to hell or limbo

It doesn’t say that in official Catholic doctrine either if that helps at all? Catholic teaching is that the souls of unbaptised children who die are entrusted to the mercy of God, who is better placed than we are to sort out the mechanics of salvation but who is merciful and loving and wants all to be saved.

EileenGC · 02/04/2021 22:49

@GoldenOmber

Where in the Bible does it say innocent babies go to hell or limbo

Exactly. Then why are (or were) people told their babies would go to hell or limbo if they died before receiving baptism?

GoldenOmber · 02/04/2021 22:57

Then why are (or were) people told their babies would go to hell or limbo if they died before receiving baptism?

Well, official Catholic doctrine didn’t tell people that, I can’t speak to why any individual person or priest at any given point may ever have told someone that. Just thought that if you are saddened that Catholic doctrine says unbaptised babies go to hell, you might have been relieved to learn it’s not Catholic doctrine?

Dita73 · 02/04/2021 23:06

I wasn’t christened or given a middle name,nor were my children and my grandchildren. It’s not some kind of protest,we’re just not at all religious. None of us got married in church either. I have a lot of respect for people who genuinely have religion in their lives and for them it’s a great thing to do but I despise people who see a christening as an opportunity to have some kind of party and just get pissed up with their friends

partyatthepalace · 02/04/2021 23:08

Why does it bother you if it’s what your DP wants? it just sounds like he feels a cultural bond to Catholicism and wants to mark that. I can see you might find it irritating, but there is no practical disadvantage to you.

Elsiebear90 · 02/04/2021 23:15

YANBU, I was christened and am an atheist. I was asked to be a godparent for my best friend’s daughter, they were quite open about christening her so she could attend the local Catholic school as it’s the best school in the area, they’re not religious at all. I thought fair enough, you have to do what you have to do to help your child, I was honoured to be asked and felt like even if I’m not religious then I will still help to raise her and be there for her as long as her parents want me to be.

I didn’t realise until I was actually at the Christening that you are made to repeatedly promise you will help raise the child as a Christian. I’ve never attended a Catholic christening before, and have only attended a few Protestant ones as a child, so went into it all very naively, but I did feel quite uncomfortable that we were all lying over and over again to the priest and congregation. So I don’t think YABU at all.

ismiseeire · 02/04/2021 23:28

In ye olden times, a lot of people would be in the church for a baptism. For their religious faith, it was a way of them being reminded I suppose of the promises they had made.

I particularly love the bit that goes something like: Are you willing to denounce the devil and all his evil works? First time I became godmother, I was 16 and I was a little bit thrown by this question. Thankfully my godmother's Mum was English so hadn't a clue what was going on really either.

My dc have had all sacraments of growing up in Catholocism. Despite everything I know to the contrary, it's hard to shake off that fear of 'woo' if it's not done. If it means something to him and means little to you, then fine. My ideal ideology would be Buddhism. If a future husband wanted my children undergoing various rituals, I'd be fine, once dc were fine with it as they became old enough.

I like to cover all bases. If the devil is there, I want my dc baptised (because of course they move to the top of the queue to get into heaven).

MunaZaldrizoti · 02/04/2021 23:31

Seems a ridiculous thing to do just because he was christened 🙄

Stillfunny · 02/04/2021 23:32

The concept of limbo is no longer acceptable in the Catholic Church
It is not ever referred to anymore as it is an outmoded and backward thinking practice.
I say this as a practicing Catholic and some one who worked on Baptism classes. If a couple presents themselves to get a child baptised , the priest does not question their motives or care about their marital status. But they are asked to attend some classes to understand what is involved and what they are being asked to committ to. At that point if you don't agree with the ceremony , you dont have to go any further. Because of shortage of priests, it is usually done once a month and if there are too many requests, they may ask people to go the next month.
Once or twice , somebody may question a religious fact but it is explained that it is not open
to debate.The ceremony is the same as it ever was for years. All are welcome , it is up to you if you want to accept the terms.

YoniAndGuy · 02/04/2021 23:33

Is he traditional in other ways, such as for example insisting on the baby having your surname, as you’re not married? 🙂

ismiseeire · 02/04/2021 23:34

South American countries, Italy, Ireland are usually Roman Catholics. Then you've a lot in Poland who follow a different Catholocism? Similar, but not Roman Catholic.

If it means no inconvenience to you to have it done, then go for it. It's a day out!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 03/04/2021 00:07

@ismiseeire

South American countries, Italy, Ireland are usually Roman Catholics. Then you've a lot in Poland who follow a different Catholocism? Similar, but not Roman Catholic.

If it means no inconvenience to you to have it done, then go for it. It's a day out!

Eastern Orthodox? In full communion with Rome and refers to itself as Catholic. Lots of history to explain it. Loads.

Good enough for Catholic admissions, though.

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 00:37

Well you have Roman Catholic (who follow the pope) and then you've a different Catholic with slightly different teachings maybe. Romanians, Polish Latvians etc. I think the only difference is that they don't see the Pope as the Head of the Church? They essentially follow the same beliefs as the Roman Catholic Church?

Moelwynbach · 03/04/2021 00:40

Im a churchgoer and if people are unsure or want a ceremony to mark the occasion we do a Thanksgiving although not sure if this is a C of zE thing only.

ismiseeire · 03/04/2021 00:41

I could be talking through me arse there. I've never asked. I've known some people who said 'yes, we're Catholic, but we're not Roman Catholic'. I never questioned what they meant. Sharing houses years ago, some Romanian room-mates celebrated Easter on a completely different day to us. Never passed a bit of heed apart from asking oh what's your religion? Catholic!

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