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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my dp to go out?

142 replies

Bezi · 09/11/2007 21:25

my dp has just gone out to town, it was a last minute decision and I now cant help but be annoyed about it and also feel guilty for being annoyed. I dont think I'd mind so much but he`s been out every weekend for the past 4 weeks bar 1. what makes it worse is the last time he went out he didnt get in until 9am without no phonecalls since 4pm the previous day, I was furious to say the least!!

OP posts:
hayCHingleBells · 09/11/2007 21:28

Sounds like my dp.
He is out too, apparently was going to be home by 8!

Soo predictable.

I dont really enjoy going out, too much hustle and bustle for me. But i hate being home alone even more.

YANBU

colditz · 09/11/2007 21:29

Well as long as you get to do the same thing, I would not be annoyed. If you don't get to do the same thing, I'd go ape.

And as for staying out until 9am? Where the hell was he? I'd find out, then find out if it's true!

maximummummy · 09/11/2007 21:34

MINE IS OUT STRAIGHT FROM WORK sorry caps on! i'm jealous i wanna go out too

DeathBySnooSnoo · 09/11/2007 21:39

YANBU.

do you get to go out every week as well?do you both go out as a couple?

i must say i i dont think i'd stay with somebody who rolled in at 9am after a night out.the only explaination i would accept for that would be given to me by the police turing up at 9am,not my oh

Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 21:40

Aparently he was at a mates called Kevs, although I text the only Kev on his phone (he had left his phone at home)asking if he knew where he was at 8am that morning but got no reply, when I asked dp if Kev had told him I sent a msg he said it was a diff Kev. so no way of finding out if telling truth jst got to take his word for it. I am actually going out tomorrow so cant really complain its just when I go out I give plenty of notice and come home at a resonable hour and its only the 2nd time been out without him since having ds (7 months).

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 09/11/2007 21:48

Why did he leave his phone, what if you had an emergency?

Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 21:53

Think that was a genuine mistake he went out straight from work, I'd taken him to work that morning and he left it in car.

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Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 21:55

is dp home yey HayChingleBells?

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Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 21:56

sorry yet not yey

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DeathBySnooSnoo · 09/11/2007 21:56

did kev not have a phone?or were there no payphones in any of the places he went to?he should have gone home and picked his phone up before going out,especially if you have a young baby.

splishsplosh · 09/11/2007 22:02

Sounds like mine.
Was out all night Saturday, popped out very late Wednesday, out to a friend's for a meal yesterday til 11ish, out tonight still at sports club, out tomorrow for a meal...

We've been out once as a couple in the evening since dd born (to the pub), otherwise he has a great socaial life. My social life is in the day, I suppose, but coffee with kids in tow is not quite the same.

He always assumes whatever he wants to do is fine, because i am a built in babysitter of course.

Could have something to do with why i want him to moveo out....

so, yanbu at all

Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 22:08

Well splishsplosh I simpathise, think men are just selfish or just plain stupid. sounds like your man has lots of friends who like to eat!Do any of his friends have kids? think that half the prob with mine he's the only one out of his mates with a family.

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chocchipcookie · 09/11/2007 22:08

I have read all these posts twice I am so stunned.

Don't you wonder where he is, what the hell is he doing all this time?

If my dh was out until 9am with no calls and no explanation I would insert his mobile where he could definitely find it.

hayCHingleBells · 09/11/2007 22:11

Nope, not back yet.

I dont spose hell be in until he cant drink anymore - which will either be around 2am or if he goes back to someone elses, he will fall asleep there and ill see him tomorrow morning.

This is the best bit, he will come in and stink out my house with beer breath, body odour (is still in his work clothes is a builder), farts and feet.
Then make a mess in the kitchen cos obviously he hasnt eaten tonight and will be starving in the morning.
Will be tired and grumpy fpr the rest of the day, sleeping on and off.
Eating crap etc.

GRrr

hayCHingleBells · 09/11/2007 22:14

I dont wonder where he has been at all.

He is one ugly mother fucker (bad language esp for mn, sorry) when he is drunk.
He stinks too.

I know for a fact no girlie would look twice at him like that.

And ive had countless reassurances that he is exactly as i suspect when he is out. Which is ugly, rude & smelly.
He wouldnt look twice at another woman - i just know it.

Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 22:14

I guess I just trust him, that occassion was the only time Ive ever really doubted him, but your right, I was far too soft on him I think I felt quilty for not trusting him, but its his fault I didnt trust him.

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Original poster
Bezi · 09/11/2007 22:19

sounds like you love your man very much hayChinglbells! but I know what you mean about when they come in, thats one of the reasons I dont like him going out, he is about as usefull as a sack of spuds the next day, when he should be spending time with ds.

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DeathBySnooSnoo · 09/11/2007 22:29

' think men are just selfish or just plain stupid'

not all men.only the tossers who think they can take the piss.

so what if he's the only one of his mates with a family?if it were my dh behaving like that he wouldn't have a family any more so could go out when the f**k he liked.

why do women stay with dick heads???

splishsplosh · 09/11/2007 22:29

Bezi - dp too - out till all hours, then needs to sleep half the day recovering. My dd's favourite game is the sleep game, puts cushions and duvets down, gathers blankets etc and urges all around her to sleep, before urging "awake now" - have no doubt that is because she sees dp asleep so much, and mainly sees me trying to wake him!

Yes, his friends are mainly single and/or childless, and he seems to think he is no different.

Original poster
Bezi · 10/11/2007 11:01

well its all kicked off now, dp came in at 6am, he did have the decency to phone me twice between 3am -4am both times he said he was in the taxi queue!When he came in we had a big row he said he didnt care what I think and dosnt understand what the prob was. when I got up this am I sent a msg from his phone to the persons whos house he said he'd gone to, simply saying 'shaagged' meaning hunover feel like shit coz this is something I knew dp would prob write, he got msg back asking why he had gone to Easleigh (an area of Southampton) I marched upstairs threw the phone at him and called him a lying bxxxxxd!!He didnt really give me an explanation just went ape at me for checking his phone and not trusting him!!!He's gone to work now dont no whats gona happen when he gets in.

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fireflyfairy2 · 10/11/2007 11:12

Did he tell you he was somewhere different Bezi?

I can tell you what would happen here when he got in... his bags would be sat packed at the back door when he came in!!

Original poster
Bezi · 10/11/2007 11:21

Yer he said he had gone to the mates I text.

I cant do that I love him and want to make things work we have a 7 month old son. I have no family where we are living so I cant even go and stay with them for a few days.

What makes it worse is my parents are taking us to Tenerife on tuesday fully paid for by them, I was really looking forward to this hol I thought it would do us good to spend some quality time together, now dp is threatening to not go and saying I cant take dp.

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Original poster
Bezi · 10/11/2007 11:21

sorry cant take ds

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splishsplosh · 10/11/2007 11:29

Bezi - you may want to work things out, but unless he's prepared to see where you'r coming from, how's that going to happen?
You think there's a problem, he doesn't...
You need to explain what you expect from him, and set some boundaries, because the way he's carrying on means he thinks you should accept whatever he does.

I'm not the best to say this, because my dp is the same, and to be honest I've pretty much given up now, because he thinks I should accept the relationship as it is, and be happy, but it's always all about him and his needs.

How about counselling? Any chance he'd agree to that?

Have you been together long? Has he always been like this? Has he changed since your ds born?

Plinkyplonk · 10/11/2007 11:31

I can definately relate to everyone on her, last week dh went out tues night, did nothing all day weds as he was too rough, got a phonecall at 8.20pm on thurs night and was out by 8.40. This week, out tues night, rough all day weds, then out thurs night, rough all day friday and has the cheek to ask me to put kids in breakfast club on weds morning so that he can go out for the landladys birthday on tuesday night without having to worry about getting up the next morning etc.

Which means I have to get up at silly o clock to get myself, dd1 & dd2 dressed, myself some breakfast then take them to b/club and myself to work, all whilst he lies on the sofa smelling the house out.

I think not and I THINK he knows if he does go out, gets pissed and does his usual we are over.