Should he be so upset that I slept with someone?

[lennoxing]

I didn't know how else to title it.

I have recently started seeing my ex partner again, I'll call him Pete, again after a year apart, things were going really well and we both felt like things were going to progress into a relationship.

Last night, I told him about the people I had slept with when we were apart and he wasn't at all bothered by any of them except one, I'll call him Jim. He used to be insecure about my (loose) friendship with Jim when we used to be together as he's a little notorious where we live.

He said he knows nothing went on between Jim and I when we were together but he can't fathom how and why I find him attractive and the fact I have slept with him reminds him of other girls who sleep with him purely for clout and his notoriety.

He, at first, said he couldn't look past it and that it ruins everything for him. He said that because of this he won't be able to form an emotional attachment with me now. Pete said that Jim isn't a good person and he doesn't understand why I would sleep with someone so awful.

I tried to tell him it was purely physical, but he said that his personality should mean that he isn't even physically attractive to me. He said that he thought our morals lined up, and that me sleeping with Jim tells him that they do not.

After he had calmed down a little, he said that if he were to look past it then he wouldn't want me around Jim at all, even though we share many of the same friends and socialise in some of the same circles.

I really like Pete and wanted things to progress, but I feel like he's being unreasonable? I don't know. This whole thing is making me feel sick with worry, I don't know what to do or if Pete will even end up looking past this.

LadyWithLapdog I had to read that twice

😂😂 I suppose there’s a double entendres there but unintentional 😂😂

😂😂😂

@joysexjoysex

No one gets to judge your sex life. What a twat. It has nothing to do with him. Honestly I can't express what a complete dick he is for thinking he gets an opinion.

Well, actually he does. He doesn't get to dictate her sex life, but he can decide not to be in a relationship with her for any reason. They don't have to be good reasons, just good enough for him. Likewise OP can decide that his attitude is a turn off for her.

Honestly, people would be a lot happier if they were confident in what their red lines were, rather than trying to bend themselves into a shape chosen by someone else.

(though FWIW, Jim also sounds like a twat, and there are women who I would absolutely judge my husband for shagging when he was single)

Honestly, Good Friday and all that 😂😂

it doesnt matter if hes right or wrong. He feels the way he feels. He shouldnt have asked the question and you probably shouldnt have answered honestly, but you cant change the past. I think you should tell him that youre having second thoughts because you dont want this hanging over your head forever. You were single at the time and you dont have to answer to anyone

Of course he’s free to feel the way he feels. In which case he’s free to fuck off it matters so much to him.

What he can’t do is make it OP’s problem.

and i thought we were all locked down and isolated for the last year

Lots of people are still working in offices.

Lots of people aren’t in lockdown.

Oops wrong thread!

@nancywhitehead

I think him being so bothered by this says something about his personality. He can't accept that you are a free agent and can like/ sleep with who you want when you are not in a relationship. You don't have to only like the people that he thinks are acceptable. You are different people!

I wouldn't be able to be attracted to someone who thought in this way, he's likely to be controlling.

Yes, I agree.

It would be interesting to knnow what Jim had supposedly done to make him "notorious" or "not a good person" to Pete, especially since they've only met twice.

The explanation from @Boatingforthestars about Pete's possible reasons for jealousy is quite interesting, too.

I'd ditch Pete, he's giving every indication of being a control freak. Who you slept with when not with him is none of his business.