Who IBU me or neighbour?

[RamblingRosita]

Every time I see my neighbour she pulls me up on something. I dread seeing her.

We live in detached houses and there is a fence that separates the two so it is actually quite private.

According to my neighbour my hedge blocks her light. Well, my hedge is below the legal height of 2m and she has trees growing the other side of my hedge which are 3 m's high so if her light is blocked it is not my doing.

The most annoying thing though is she has complained about my BBQs. Well, last year I had 1 BBQ and in 2019 I had 2. Apparently, she doesn't like smelling my food and can't go outside when I do it.

Summer is coming along and we are restricted to what we can and can't do and one of the things I want to do is spend more time outside, using my new BBQ.

Who is BU here and if it is her, what would you say? This couple has loads of their friends around all the time in their garden and are really noisey but hey, that's OK because that is them. She makes PA threats such as "I wouldn't want to make it an issue with the council". If she wasn't my neighbour I would have said something quite rude by now. We are actually quite quiet people and are hardly ever in our garden. plus is if half an acre so it's not like we are out and they are a couple of metres away.

Just have as many bbqs as you like. You don’t need to be friends with your neighbour. Being amicable is a positive, but not actually necessary. Just say “thanks for your feedback, I’ll make my own decisions though about my private property.”

She's being ridiculous, obviously. I'd love to hear the phone conversation with 'the council' when she rings to complain that the next-door neighbour who lives in a detached house and has a half-acre garden (!!) is having BARBECUES. THE HORROR!

You can imagine them putting down the phone with much head-shaking and 'we've got a right one here'.

She is taking advantage of the fact that you don’t want to have a fall out with her because she’s your neighbor. Trust me, this kind of people knows. I would say hello and if she’s trying to pull you up on something, say sorry I’m really busy and just walk away.
If she keeps bothering you, report her to the council for harassment. Also, keep track of her anti social behavior (the noise you mentioned) so if she complains about you, you’re going to do the same thing about her.
Childish but these type of people don’t understand courtesy and good manners, they’re controlling and miserable by the sound of it and will only back off if they know that their behavior has consequences.
Stop pandering to her because the more you’re trying to be nice, the less she respects you. Speaking from bitter experience here.

@sodoffmenopause

I'd be lighting a massive bonfire daily..

I'd be waiting for her to put her laundry on the line first and then I'd light the bonfire! and burn my garden rubbish. and fire up the BBQ. And turn on the outdoor sound system. and have a party for a lot of noisy children complete with fireworks.

‘If that’s how you feel, please go ahead and let the council know. Otherwise, you can stop commenting about us. I’m pretty certain that we really are good neighbours. Have a great weekend!!’ 😊😊

Next time she mentions the council say ‘well you can try them, but when I spoke to them about you they said garden noise and bbqs were fine so 🤷‍♀️...well, bye then (tinkly laugh)” See what she makes of that.

Can you call her bluff, say oh yes I didnt realise there were rules around bbqs / practicing an instrument in a detached house in the day / having hedges under 2m, maybe you should call the council and they can come out and check I'm not breaking any rules

Next time you see her approach roll your eyes, let out a massive sigh and greet her with ''what is it this time''.

Just say what you want with a massive smile on your face and a laugh. So if she says about the BBQ you say 'We've got a new one and its great. I suspect we'll be bbqing more' with the biggest cheeriest voice. Then ask after her husband or some other chit chat and make excuses.
Or 'I'm not sure the council will be interested as its less than 2m'. Isn't it beautiful out'. It's sort of difficult to argue with someone who is smiling broadly at you.

I learnt this from a boss of mine who was always having to deal with nonsense. He turned on his big cheery face and diverted the conversation while basically telling people to fuck off. It discombobulates people done the right way. Anything else will turn into a battle.

I wouldn't engage in any passive aggressive rubbish, id just tell her straight out to " fuck off and mind her own business". Then I would carry on as normal, let her report you to the council because you are doing nothing wrong.

Just reply.....”and your point is?”..........shrug your shoulders and walk away do not engage at all.

Nod, smile and ignore!!

I'd smile at her but refuse to engage, and if she suggests reporting to the council I'd respond with 'Please do, it would be good to have some clarification.'. Might make her think a bit, and puts her in the awkward position, not you.

@ThatsShitTryHarder

Really? You actually vomit when someone is having a BBQ? Have you seen your GP about that?

No need, I know the cause. Do you trouble your GP with every little thing? What a nuisance you must be.

"So sorry you're so unhappy in your home. Good luck with house hunting".

I hate entitled fuckers like this.

@moochingtothepub

BBQ are a bit annoying, but you are allowed to use it! I would refrain from using it before 5pm unless you warn her, (and limit lunchtime to once a month) and ensure you don't have noisy bbq's more than once a week (aka friends around) on average.

Bollocks to this. BBQ whenever you want. She’s not the BBQ police FFS. Likewise, tell her you’re quite happy with your hedge as it is and your daughter is quite within her rights to practice her clarinet, but she can contact the council if she wishes to do so. Idiot.

@moochingtothepub

BBQ are a bit annoying, but you are allowed to use it! I would refrain from using it before 5pm unless you warn her, (and limit lunchtime to once a month) and ensure you don't have noisy bbq's more than once a week (aka friends around) on average.

You are joking right? The OP can do what the hell she likes in the detached property she paid for. Not limit herself because of some moaning Minnie who, it appears, thinks the same rules don't apply to her.

Don't do this OP, you'll be on a slippery slope

I would just answer her every complaint with
big friendly smile
'Call the council'.
That will put her off her stride

If you’re getting a lot of wasps then make bottle traps now.
You need to take the top third off a lemonade or similar bottle.
Put a mixture of sugary neat squash and beer or vinegar in the bottom of the bottle. About 2/3 inches.
It’s important to put the beer or vinegar in so you don’t trap bees.
Put the top of the bottle in upside down and tape in place.

Dot around the garden near places where wasps or hornets may nest.
Hopefully you’ll catch the queens now before they make a nest.

We had a neighbour like this. She had issues with everything from DD chalking IN OUR garden to what washing I put in the line. I was really nice and accomodating to start with but that only made her worse. The demands became bigger and the judgement worse.
In the end I answered everything with
"Don't be silly Maureen, the council won't care."
She eventually fucked off and started bothering the new neighbours over the road.

Second the “ok” response unless she’s asking you a question.

I make sure to make sustained eye contact, look interested and pause so it looks like you’re considering her statement and are interested, and when she’s really waiting for a response (because she wasn’t when she approached you, she just wanted to vent) say “ok” and walk off.

You need to grow that hedge taller!

(So much harder to complain over :) )

You know that she is trying some disguised bullying on you - her demands are not reasonable.

You could react to her - but this would be the confrontation you wanted to avoid.

Or you could plan some responses:
-if the clarinet comes up - leap in with proud parental comments about how talented she is and all the things she has achieved etc. and how genius does require sacrifice from those around her :) Just don't stop talking unti the neighbour backs off

-Or you could give her the heads up that your DD isn't sure about the clarinet after all and that she is considering moving on to a drum-kit?

-perhaps her friends are forming a band? (Don't worry - you know what youngsters are like -they are unlikely to rehearse before 8am even at weekends. )

@Wellpark

Stop being a doormat. She's having a go at you because she thinks she can and because you let her away with it! Next time she tries her nonsense be a cheeky cow right back to her. Tell her you will have as many BBQs as you want and it's none of her business. And throw in va few eff offs while you are at it. What a nerve this woman has!!

This. Tell her that you will contact 101 about harassment.

Stop speaking to her.
Completely blanker her.

She makes PA threats such as "I wouldn't want to make it an issue with the council".

I’d be tempted to respond with a very hard stare and pointed “No. you wouldn’t, Angela”

And walk off letting her wonder what you meant.

Time to “ODFOD” the neighbour!