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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 02/04/2021 10:32

I agree with Hopping. Such a first world problem. People are so obsessed with this. She slept one night in the bed. He could just have changed a pillowcase if he was that bothered. That is probably the only but of bedding that would have been soiled in any way unless mother in law is incontinent. Having survived as a family of 5 with no Tumble dryer, I wash sheets when there is some sunshine and towels when they need it. My kids are young adults now and no-one has been unwell as a result of this. As others have said, if we had a guest who was not close family, they would get fresh sheets but with close family sometimes would not bother depending on situation and freshness of sheets that were on.

SoftSheen · 02/04/2021 10:33

Reasonable for someone to be a bit annoyed when they return late-ish, tired, and find that their bed hasn't been changed after someone else has slept in it. Understandable to comment negatively on this. NOT reasonable to scream at anyone.

MrsMaizel · 02/04/2021 10:34

@MimiPigeon

Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.
Why are you even having sex with a man who acts like this ?
ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 10:37

So what if OP forgot? She did other laundry. She invited DM to stay in their bed. She should have washed the sheets first if she was likely to forget.

As for DH behaviour, if he is angry / aggressive etc then that's another issue but I think DH was not unreasonable to be annoyed that the sheets weren't changed and it was too late for him to do it.

ZooKeeper19 · 02/04/2021 10:37

@MimiPigeon this ->
NOTHING warrants shouting and screaming at your wife. Especially not a duvet!

He needs to apologise and if this happens more often you need to reconsider if this is really ok.

I am sorry to hear people behave like this. It's abuse.

FedNlanders · 02/04/2021 10:37

I wouldn't care if it was changed or not. He's outrageous

Housecar · 02/04/2021 10:40

Has he apologised to you?

Rukaya · 02/04/2021 10:41

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting

No it isn't. WTF is wrong with the uber clean freaks on here? You need professional help.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 10:43

@MimiPigeon

Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.
ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 10:44

It's not "uber clean" or "freaky" in any way to not want to share bed sheets.

There are clearly the people who are hygiene conscious and those who are not

It makes me think of people who think they don't need to wash their hands when they go to the loo if it's "just a number 1"

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 10:44

@Rukaya

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting

No it isn't. WTF is wrong with the uber clean freaks on here? You need professional help.

So do guests complaining that the bedsheets are not freshly changed in their hotel room. After all, the guests before only stayed one night didn't they? Better for the environment to stick with weekly or better monthly washing Grin
LittleBearPad · 02/04/2021 10:44

Why are you even having sex with a man who acts like this?

🤪 because presumably that was another week when the DH hadn’t been an arse.

For what it’s worth I’d be horrified if guests stripped their beds - that’s not their job.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 10:45

@Rukaya

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting

No it isn't. WTF is wrong with the uber clean freaks on here? You need professional help.

I agree - it's only disgusting if she'd had an "accident" - in which case the mattress would nee more of a priority anyway.

I wouldn't like to sleep in someone else's sheets, but it's just a bit "yuk" - hardly disgusting.

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2021 10:45

@thebillyotea you are very odd.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 10:47

[quote LittleBearPad]@thebillyotea you are very odd.[/quote]
I am starting to realise it Grin

No one has complained to my face yet because I give them clean beddings, I should start a thread on MN to see what my friends and family say behind my back.

SarahBellam · 02/04/2021 10:48

It really doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do. The point is that your husband is an abusive prick who completely overreacted to the extent that you had to hide in your children’s’ room all night. That is not normal. Yes, it’s fine for him to be disappointed and to sleep elsewhere but blowing up and scaring your wife is not on. And people here saying that they’ll die if they have to sleep on a bed that a family member slept on for one night or that you can buy new bedding for £20 are completely missing the point. That is not the solution. The solution is to find a way to get the husband to stop acting like an abusive prick.

UrAWizHarry · 02/04/2021 10:51

@ElderMillennial

It's not "uber clean" or "freaky" in any way to not want to share bed sheets.

There are clearly the people who are hygiene conscious and those who are not

It makes me think of people who think they don't need to wash their hands when they go to the loo if it's "just a number 1"

Fairly obviously, washing your hands after using the loo is essential.

But unless you are in the habit of eating your bedsheets or eating off them, sharing a set of sheets for a night because you forgot to change them is hardly in the same league. The health risks of doing so are virtually non-existant. You might have to sleep next to a bit of hair belonging to another person, at worst.

lanthanum · 02/04/2021 10:52

Over-reaction. I wouldn't want to sleep in bedclothes someone else has slept in, but for one night it would have worked to change the sheet and pillowcases, and turn the duvet over so that it's the other side you're in contact with, or use a sheet between you and the duvet.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 02/04/2021 10:53

Maybe you should have just ironed them. Bit of heat to kill all the “disgusting“ bacteria from your mum and they’ll feel nice and crisp.

Where did you husband sleep in the end?

MintyMabel · 02/04/2021 10:53

I forgot. I was busy cleaning shit off his child and doing all his laundry that he’d dumped in the basket earlier in the week.

Your child too. But why start with cleaning and ironing instead of starting with the master bedroom, knowing it needs done?

Anyway, you made a mistake, doesn’t deserve being screamed at. If that’s what he’s done before, staying seems like a bad idea.

Kotatsu · 02/04/2021 10:56

My parents would always strip the bed after staying - even though I'd assure them there was no need.

TBH I'd have changed it, since it's a small job, but then I'd have changed it myself if I'd been travelling and got back at 9 too, since it's a small job. Or if not changed, taken the cover off and used a second sheet or a blanket or something if I was so offended by my mother-in-law sleeping under it.

TBH, I'd be fine with the duvet if I was knackered anyway, but I would change the pillow cases (and I usually double bag them too, just because they get easily stinky and are a pain to wash and dry without ruining)

Jaxhog · 02/04/2021 10:56

It's gross not to change the bedding, but he was out of line to yell.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/04/2021 10:56

@lanthanum

Over-reaction. I wouldn't want to sleep in bedclothes someone else has slept in, but for one night it would have worked to change the sheet and pillowcases, and turn the duvet over so that it's the other side you're in contact with, or use a sheet between you and the duvet.
Exactly!

He's not going to catch the "lurgi".

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/04/2021 10:57

Not changing the bed for your mum was yuck enough. And if I came home at 9pm after working away and the bedding still wasn’t changed I wouldn’t be happy either. Double yuck. It is, as someone said, just basic hygiene. But each to their own. He defo shouldn’t have shouted.

Flowers24 · 02/04/2021 10:58

omg massive over reaction by him, is he normally like this?