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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Tik Tok isn’t ok for 10 yr olds

168 replies

user47000000000 · 02/04/2021 07:29

Worried about my niece who is allowed tik tok and Instagram etc. I don’t think SiL is hot on privacy controls and my niece pulled out of a bbq at ours last night with her cousins because she wanted to make tik toks... SiL supported this decision.

AIBU to think tik tok is not appropriate for a 10 yr old?

Any advice for helping her mum to see how to keep her safer online. I’m really worried about how vulnerable she could be.

OP posts:
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 02/04/2021 09:09

Oh my god monicuddle Sad It might be ticktock so that young neighbour is on... Others are not now allowed play with him which just results in more indoor time... On screens. I really do despair and if I had pearls I would definitely be clutching them on this issue. Nokias were given going into secondary but when they were replaced by smartphones, no one batted an eye at the massive difference and what it would mean.

Paddy1234 · 02/04/2021 09:10

I am with you heart.
I now have two great children 16 and 18. Both doing great and well adjusted. Went with the flow on parenting. Boys a gamer but has a gf and going to a good uni. Daughter also off. Used instagrams, tiktok - everything. Policed it enough. Go for walks etc

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 09:10

The teachers at the High School he’ll attend actually have TikTok pages and post content.

Shock I work in a school and teachers having Tiktok specifically for their job isn't something i've come across. Social media policies in schools are usually very strict about this sort of thing, and many teachers stay off sites like this, or have the highest privacy settings.

Paddy1234 · 02/04/2021 09:12

And what's even better is you can see through the algorithm what they look at unlike YouTube
So there is a great form of monitoring

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 09:15

@ihearttc

Nobody is hurling insults at you Hmm

Like I said previously, if you drop your defensive attitude you might be able to start understanding.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 09:16

@AaronPurr

Well there are thousands and thousands of teachers pages on TT so clearly they all must be doing it somehow.

They aren’t personal pages...for example it would be

Londonhighschoolpedepartment

DS1 had loads of PE and English work on there over lockdown.

Mugginyouleftrightandcentre · 02/04/2021 09:17

I judge any parent who allows their primary school child on Tik Tok. There are a few in my DSs class on it but tbh, most people are quite judgy about it! I really thought we were getting to a place where, as parents and kids, we were becoming much more savvy about online safety, but then I see pre teen kids on Tik Tok and think we have a long way to go. My 10yo DS knows not to even bother asking about Tik Tok, WhatsApp etc, we have always been very open about online safety, and we are all aware (including DS!) that once he gets a phone for secondary school it's going to be more difficult to control what he is exposed to, but that we will guide him where we can. I have done quite a lot of Internet safety training through work so am fairly clued up, and as my kids get older I know the line between keeping them safe and allowing them freedom to privacy and to make their own judgement will get harder to tread, but while they are still at primary school I think 'No Tik Tok' is a fairly easy and achievable boundary!

As for ducking out of a family event, particularly after not seeing people in so long, to make Tik Tok videos, what the fuck?!

blackheartsgirl · 02/04/2021 09:17

Yanbu.

I let my 9/10 year old on tiktok as I believed it was it was OK then I saw how it took over her life. She was on it constantly, she'd walk down the street tiktokking and doing dances, she wouldn't come of it for meals. Then the suicide video did the rounds, she told me some of her friend seen it and I took her off it the same day

I have the family link app on our phones now. Shes not allowed Snapchat, Instagram tiktok or kik or any of the other dodgy sites and limited times a day that she can access her phone.

I've got my daughter back. Shes much happier and is interested in being a normal ten year old. Sadly amongst her friends shes a minority cos they're all on bloody tiktok and snapchat

Poorlykitten · 02/04/2021 09:18

Well, the official age rating is 13 and there’s usually a reason for this, so no. It’s a pile of crap anyway snd can’t be good for their attention spans. I heard lots of toxic things about in anecdotally so not for my kids. I’m sure they will survive without it.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 09:19

@rainbowthoughts

You have, you said that I’m just the sort of parent you work with therefore making out I’m not a good parent!

I’ve said I’m willing to be educated, not entirely sure what else you want me to say unless you want me to agree with everything you are saying. It hasn’t been my experience so I can’t do that unfortunately.

Scbchl · 02/04/2021 09:19

I have had to delete my sons tiktok it was horrific. There was links to pornhub in comments. Link to take my lollipop. Loads of links to a website with live chats with videos and strangers who were paedophile and masterbating. There was a comment made meatswing.com which took you to a graphic video of two gay men having sex. very luckily we have virgin media parental controls and he couldn't see any but when he showed me id check on my mobile. On top of that there was the video going round of the guy blowing his head off not long ago.

Its a site heavily used for grooming children now and anyone who naively thinks its innocent is deluded. If you let your children view videos alone you are mental.

babbaloushka · 02/04/2021 09:20

[quote ihearttc]@rainbowthoughts

You act like I’m deliberately exposing them to watching child pornography!! I repeat for the millionth time, I have never seen anything inappropriate on there. There very well maybe stuff that he shouldn’t see but the same could be said for YouTube, Roblox or any other media channel.

I would hazard a guess that 95% of the kids in his year have TT, so clearly we are all putting our child at risk. Best I get on to Social Services then. Or maybe they should concentrate on the children in his class who are actually being neglected.

Do you have children that age or teenagers?[/quote]
Some of the videos are deliberately disguised to look like harmless ones, a bit like Elsagate.

Mellivora · 02/04/2021 09:25

I read how a convicted child sex offender had their flat raided. He had awful images of child abuse in a high category but he also had lots of Mothercare catalogues. He was getting off to just really regular pictures so any video or picture of children can have literally the scum of the earth getting their kicks from it.

Sometimeswinning · 02/04/2021 09:27

@mugginyouleftrightandcentre I think the point is closing down an issue to a 10 year old is not going to help. I would go as far to say I'd judge parents for not putting the time in now when they are close to getting their own phones, mobile data etc.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 09:27

You have, you said that I’m just the sort of parent you work with therefore making out I’m not a good parent!

Again, your judgement is skewed. Great example.

What I meant by that comment is that you are not listening, jumping to the defensive and being really hard to reach. It's not uncommon.

What I did not say was that you are not a good parent. I haven't got any information about your parenting other then you let your 10 year old use tiktok and that one snippet tells me nothing about your parenting.

It tells me you either A. Don't care, or B. Don't know. I always assume the latter in the fist instance, hence trying to make you see that tiktok is dangerous. A lot of parents don't know this and it's in no way indicative of their overall parenting.

CoffeeWithCheese · 02/04/2021 09:28

Mine aren't allowed it, or instagram or facebook yet - I'm well aware that they will get exposed to this stuff at friends' houses where the parents aren't as conscious of internet safety (I have the rule that I want tech to be kept downstairs where we're in general earshot of what they're watching on youtube anyway - apart from DD listening to audiobooks in bed where the iPad has to stay on the landing in Bluetooth headphone range for her).

Very aware that unfortunately this shit is going to crop up at some point however we handle it - so putting in lots of focus discussing how the sites try to keep you hooked and watching more and more and how algorithms do this, and about how idiots think it's funny to bait kids into seeing dodgy stuff so they hide it in harmless looking videos (Rick Astley - you were a good child-OK example to use for this) and how to deal with things when they do crop up.

PandaFluff · 02/04/2021 09:32

@Monicuddle

I downloaded it for a look and found a public video by 9 year old in my child’s class wiggling around and mouthing “do you want to f**k me?”

That was enough for me.

That is horrendous. Did you report it to the school?
iMatter · 02/04/2021 09:34

[quote ihearttc]**@rainbowthoughts

I said...you are acting like I have done that. You said that I was exposing him to vile content.

I’m not defensive at all. You don’t know me. I try to make a habit of not judging people I don’t know. Clearly what works for you and your children, doesn’t work for me. I honestly can’t get worked up by what some random person on here thinks of me. Or get worked up by my 10 year old who is soon going to High School watching football and animal videos.[/quote]
But you are getting defensive.

@rainbowthoughts is absolutely right in everything they have said. They are offering you advice, I would suggest you at least give it some consideration.

Millymomooo · 02/04/2021 09:36

Half of my sons class and most of the kids in my neighbourhood are all on ticktoc.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 09:38

@iMatter

I have already said I will, I’m going to watch the documentary later. I’m getting defensive because it feels like a personal attack when I’ve already said I’m going to look into it more. At this point I can only judge what I have seen.

Anyone would feel defensive when it feels like their parenting is being judged. As a parent you can only do what is best for your child.

Millymomooo · 02/04/2021 09:39

I actually watched a girl in my sons class, who is also my neighbour, who’s 10. Twerking with tiny shorts on and her dad is oblivious sitting in the background eating his tea and toast.

babbaloushka · 02/04/2021 09:39

Have had a similar issue with my Dsis, her son is around the same age and autistic, but she has let him have unlimited screen time since about 3/4. His younger sister is the same, on their iPads in restaurants, gatherings, they can't go more than half an hour without them.

They are also on Tiktok, and my Nephew has a youtube channel that they set up for him at 7(!) for him to record himself playing games and upload them. Her Facebook privacy is non-existent and I've warned about their massive digital footprint and how easy it would be to find them IRL, especially the kids, but she isn't fazed. Public photos of them all over FB from babies, multiple tiktok dances (some inappropriate) and loads of youtube videos. It's madness, I don't know how some adults are so ignorant of the dangers.

m0therofdragons · 02/04/2021 09:40

Lots of my dtds class had it from year 3 but my year 8 doesn’t have it. We’ve discussed it but nope I’m not happy at this age. That said, I’ve learned it’s best to stay out of other parents choices as they won’t change and will hate you for judging them. I downloaded Tiktok to check it out and initially I was like “oh this is quite fun” then I got the competitive anorexic girls post and I soon changed! Mind you my 9yos don’t have phones which is unusual in their class so apparently I’m strict.

Emeraldshamrock · 02/04/2021 09:42

I have watched the makeup tutorials.
My understanding was inappropriate sexual videos were removed and monitored.
Obviously I was wrong.
DD is 12 loves art she is prudish too.
I'll have a chat with her.
Many of the teenagers are moving from tictok to only fans that is concerning.
My niece is 19 has 200,000 followers I've watched her stuff it's dancing and skits no sex acts.

CroydianSlip · 02/04/2021 09:50

I would be so so concerned by children missing out on real life social interaction in favour of utter nonsense on phones. Especially when we've had so little chance to socialise recently.

I have a yr 6 child as well as 2 younger ones, and we are pretty much teetotal on screens. We only have TV at weekends and they don't have phones or ipads or anything. They're not missing out on anything. They're happy, healthy, have loads of friends, play out all the time and don't come home asking for any of this stuff so I don't think we're massively out of step with social norms for their age and stage. I don't get the argument that because they're going to see inappropriate/upsetting/addictive at some point, you have to start now!

My older one knows she will have a phone as she goes to secondary school and we have talked loads about what it is to be used for etc.

I don't regret keeping my children off this stuff. If they've been bored in lockdown they've gone and done some colouring, jumped on a trampoline, read a book or played lego.

From the op point of view though, I'm not sure what more you can do when it isn't your child unfortunately.