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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Tik Tok isn’t ok for 10 yr olds

168 replies

user47000000000 · 02/04/2021 07:29

Worried about my niece who is allowed tik tok and Instagram etc. I don’t think SiL is hot on privacy controls and my niece pulled out of a bbq at ours last night with her cousins because she wanted to make tik toks... SiL supported this decision.

AIBU to think tik tok is not appropriate for a 10 yr old?

Any advice for helping her mum to see how to keep her safer online. I’m really worried about how vulnerable she could be.

OP posts:

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:48

You act like I’m deliberately exposing them to watching child pornography!! I

No I did not. How dare you. Another great example of how your judgement is skewed though. Jump to the defensive. Make something up I did not say.

It's child abuse, btw, not pornography.

RevolvingPivot · 02/04/2021 08:48

WARNING!!!!! - Distressing Content!!!!!

My dd10 was watching music on YouTube yesterday. A TikTok advert came on. She said someone filmed an alligator eating a dog. Wtf!!! Can't escape it even if you don't use the app!!!

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:49

Do you have children that age or teenagers?

I actually have both. Late teens and a preteen.

I also work in an industry that spends a lot of time heavily involved with the impacts of social media, tiktok in particular as that has no reasonable or safe filter.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:50

[quote ihearttc]@Washimal

I have full access to his phone so I know exactly what’s on there.

My 16 year old also lets me look at his phone as well if I ask.[/quote]

You can look at their phones all day long, you won't see the videos on the fyp that have been viewed earlier.

ZenNudist · 02/04/2021 08:51

You've told her and she ignores you? I think you've done all you can. If it comes up again you can say that you cannot believe she is letting her dd be exposed to such adult influences.

My 10yo wanted to make tik toks so we looked into it and decided it was highly inappropriate. My main worry was all the sexual content. Personally I can live with bad language and not sure about really disturbing stuff.

You could try telling her again thst if your dd sees some of these videos its going to normalise It for your dn and it depends if she's got any interest protecting her innocence. 10yo are not innocent innocent now and do have an awareness of sex but you could do without them knowing about pornographic behaviour.

Also it's awful for brain development. End up with a 60second attention span and only able to take in drivel.

Your best thing to do would be model good behaviour for dn. Take her out offer to have her for your sis and have social media free time and try and get her to understand she needs to respect herself because no one else is going to do it for her. Over time you can be a good influence amidst the bad ones!

Frazzled2207 · 02/04/2021 08:52

@BlusteryLake

There are actually two issues here - TikTok itself, and addiction to social media/screens. Personally, I don't let my 11 year old on TikTok because I don't think he is old enough. More of concern though, is that your neice is allowed to duck out of family occasions to persue social media interests.

Absolutely this. I have never been on Tik Tok but would never let my kids duck out of a family event because of social media!

Awrite · 02/04/2021 08:53

My 10 year isn't allowed it and my 15 year old understands what it does to concentratration levels so doesn't have it.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:53

@rainbowthoughts

I said...you are acting like I have done that. You said that I was exposing him to vile content.

I’m not defensive at all. You don’t know me. I try to make a habit of not judging people I don’t know. Clearly what works for you and your children, doesn’t work for me. I honestly can’t get worked up by what some random person on here thinks of me. Or get worked up by my 10 year old who is soon going to High School watching football and animal videos.

yoshiblue · 02/04/2021 08:54

YANBU - She is definitely too young to be using Tik Tok unsupervised. Our headteacher sent out a letter this week saying a number of children had raised concerns to their teacher about a video showing a masked creature that kidnaps children and they had been disturbed by it! Says it all!

I think a lot of girls in particular are getting into it to make dance clips but there is a lot of really unsuitable content on there as well. I know 5 and 6 year olds that are using it in my son's class, I dread to think if they are being left alone with it :-(

Morello339 · 02/04/2021 08:54

I have a 10 year old and I would never let him on Tiktok. It is far too sexulised and violent. I have it and most of the videos that come up are about trauma, abuse, only fans etc. The occasional sweet shop, cake baking etc that I've actually followed.

He is a very sensible child too but I can't risk him being exposed to that sort of content. I trust him completely to tell me if he saw something, I just prefer to protect him from that.

Saying that, I have 5 year old children in my class that have it. They have asked questions like ' why do policemen kill black people in America?' Which would be fine if spoken about in a sensible, age appropriate way, but this child had seen graphic images on Tiktok.

imjustanerd · 02/04/2021 08:54

I agree Tik Tok isn't really suitable for 10 year olds. I personally love it but the content on there is very varied, lots of inappropriate material for a 10 year old.

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 08:56

You said that I was exposing him to vile content.

But you are. Tiktok has some absolutely awful content, and you have no way of preventing your child being exposed to it. Allowing them access to Tiktok means you're allowing them to be exposed to vile content. The fact he hasn't, to your knowledge, seen it yet doesn't mean he isn't going to at some point.

Macncheeseballs · 02/04/2021 08:56

But that won't be all he's watching forever

Sometimeswinning · 02/04/2021 08:56

Good grief. My parenting decisions are based on absolutely that. Looking into it and knowing it's not appropriate.

I dont agree with you. I think you have banned something your child will still end up on in the next few months.

IndecentFeminist · 02/04/2021 08:58

But that isn't all that is on there, by a long shot. You won't be able to see what he has seen by looking at his phone after the event.

Even if he is sensible enough to move past (I think every parent thinks that of their child until they're not) or tell you, he's already seen it!

I also think that the continual drip drip of exposure to even some of the more 'harmless' stuff on there like ever so slightly too sexualised dances, or 'shopping hauls', or 'stay in your room for 24 hr' challenges, or 'only eat yellow food' games give a warped view of the world, how people look and behave etc. It isn't wholesome in any way shape or form.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:59

I said...you are acting like I have done that. You said that I was exposing him to vile content.

Potentially you are. The only think I have 'acted like' is someone, again, trying to got a parent to rethink their decision, for the sake of their own child.

I’m not defensive at all.

You definitely are.

You don’t know me. I try to make a habit of not judging people I don’t know.

That's a parenting fail IMO. You should be making judgements to keep your child safe every day of the week and that involves judging people you don't know. It's actually basic human nature to judge in order to make decisions.

Clearly what works for you and your children, doesn’t work for me.

I honestly can’t get worked up by what some random person on here thinks of me.

I don't t want you to get 'worked up' - I want you to listen, to understand, to consider and to think about what your child may be exposed to.

Or get worked up by my 10 year old who is soon going to High School watching football and animal videos.

Your lack of understanding is shining through here and you are exactly the type of parent I try to work with every day of the week.

Please, just do some research independently and think very carefully about this choice to allow your 10 year old use tiktok.

Monicuddle · 02/04/2021 09:01

I downloaded it for a look and found a public video by 9 year old in my child’s class wiggling around and mouthing “do you want to f**k me?”

That was enough for me.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 09:01

@Sometimeswinning

Good grief. My parenting decisions are based on absolutely that. Looking into it and knowing it's not appropriate.

I dont agree with you. I think you have banned something your child will still end up on in the next few months.

I am fully aware my youngest will use tiktok eventually, it won't be while he is 10 though

Emeraldshamrock · 02/04/2021 09:01

If your Dsis puts privacy settings on it.
Warn against identifying clothing etc.
My DD doesn't have the coordination or confidence to create videos.
She has learnt so much from the art and make-up videos.
It can be used safe enough.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 09:02

@Emeraldshamrock

If your Dsis puts privacy settings on it. Warn against identifying clothing etc. My DD doesn't have the coordination or confidence to create videos. She has learnt so much from the art and make-up videos. It can be used safe enough.

None of this keeps a child safe from the vile videos that people post. None of it.

Paddy1234 · 02/04/2021 09:03

Just an aside - I love Tiktok and my children are now older teens.
However what the hell is everyone's algorithm set too.
I have watched avidly for a year and I get lovely food/history/art come up.
I have never seen any inappropriate content come up

Paddy1234 · 02/04/2021 09:04

Your algorithms are set with what you interact with so I am actually worried about you lot!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 02/04/2021 09:05

But I heart, did you see my post which said I simply viewed my niece's clip and then something sexual came on a roll after it? Are you saying this is not the case when people are telling you? Also it's a real shame when the idea that 'everyone is doing it' normalises it and makes it ok and those trying to steer their dc clear as long as possible results in social difficulties for the dc.. So depressing. As I say I really think we'll look back and see the negligence of this. I am a teacher and the lack of concentration, imagination, motivation and conversation in the last 5 years especially with younger and younger primary children is heartbreaking... It's all some of them are interested in. Not aimed at you BTW, just in general.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 09:07

You clearly don’t like me and that’s absolutely fine.

I have made the decision based on my child. I would rather he have it with my knowledge and safe in the fact that he can tell me stuff then do it secretly which is what he’ll likely do at High School if I ban it. The teachers at the High School he’ll attend actually have TikTok pages and post content.

I’ve managed to raise a well adjusted 16 year old without any issues so I’m honestly not the sort of parent you think I am.

I’m willing to be educated, I will watch the documentary. But honestly hurling insults at me regarding the type of parent I am isn’t the way to go.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 09:09

@Paddy1234

That’s exactly my point. I’ve had it for 6 months and not seen anything like that...lots of cooking stuff, what I eat in a day and dog videos. I appreciate something could get through but the same could he said for anything else.

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