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Original poster

To think Tik Tok isn’t ok for 10 yr olds

168 replies

user47000000000 · 02/04/2021 07:29

Worried about my niece who is allowed tik tok and Instagram etc. I don’t think SiL is hot on privacy controls and my niece pulled out of a bbq at ours last night with her cousins because she wanted to make tik toks... SiL supported this decision.

AIBU to think tik tok is not appropriate for a 10 yr old?

Any advice for helping her mum to see how to keep her safer online. I’m really worried about how vulnerable she could be.

OP posts:
ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:18

@rainbowthoughts

Please, you know absolutely nothing about my parenting or anyone else’s so please don’t judge. I never let my children have anything I haven’t checked first, DS1 wasn’t allowed any social media until he was way over 13 as it concerned me too much despite all his mates having it much much earlier which was awful for him at High School.

I got TikTok first specifically to check that it was ok and if I’d have seen anything that concerned me, clearly I wouldn’t have let DS2 have it. I’m not sure whether it’s because neither of us have an actual account or we’ve been lucky but I repeat I have never seen anything concerning on there at all. He can only watch videos, 95% of them are cute animals and the rest are football videos. He is an oversharer...tells me everything so if there was something he was worried about then I’d know about it.

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 08:19

Probably in normal times I wouldn’t have allowed it it but I can honestly say I haven’t seen anything on there which would concern me.

But unless you're sat next to your Ds every time he uses it you can't say that he hasn't seen inappropriate and often horrifying things. Children don't always say when they've seen things that upsets them, especially if they think doing so will mean they lose access to whatever site / app it was.

Bottom line, you have no idea what you're DS is watching on there.

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 08:20

your

Edit button please MN.

Lorw · 02/04/2021 08:20

I’ve seen people on there who talk about kink and show you sex toys, sex workers advertising their only fans, videos of people being beaten, animal abuse etc, I haven’t followed any of these things but somehow me liking videos has caused the algorithm to change at times and I certainly didn’t like any thing like that so it’s definitely worth keeping an eye on if your kids use it. Sad

PandaFluff · 02/04/2021 08:21

[quote ihearttc]@PandaFluff

Considering we have been in lockdown since Christmas and my DS normally has football training 5 times a week he has really struggled with being bored, there is only so many local walks you can do.[/quote]
I'm not against screen time at all. I just think something like you tube is better where there are longer videos. It depends on the child but I've seen a 9 year old just flick through tik tok and just found it strange like their attention span couldn't cope with a 10 second video as it was "boring" (mostly the educational ones.

Macncheeseballs · 02/04/2021 08:22

Just because you haven't seen anything bad on it, doesn't mean it does not exist, believe me it does

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:23

@AaronPurr

Most of the time he is sat with me watching it, I don’t allow electronics upstairs so he has no choice. And he talks constantly about what he is watching and over shares so I think he’d tell he. At some point we have to trust our children’s judgements, he is off to High School next year.

He actually wouldn’t be bothered if I removed it, he lives for football. This was just something else to keep him occupied these last few months.

moochingtothepub · 02/04/2021 08:24

The pulling out of a social event is the more worrying aspect to me. Watching videos or making them is fine when there's nothing else happening but should not be prioritised. Same goes for computer games, watching tv etc. My dd is coming out with us, 3 line whip when I know she would rather game

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 08:24

At some point we have to trust our children’s judgements, he is off to High School next year.

You can do that without exposing them to the cesspit that is tiktok

Ionacat · 02/04/2021 08:28

TikTok is not okay for 10 year olds. Even if you use it in restricted mode, it still allows unsuitable vidoes through. Read any of the websites like commonsense media and they clearly advise it for teens only.

With the internet and social media, I find it easiest to relate it to real life. Would I allow my 10 year old to be contacted by strangers? Err no. Would I allow her to watch 15/18 films? No. Therefore as there is a risk of her coming across that on TikTok, then she’s not allowed it. YouTube on the TV fine as I can see it, on a tablet or phone - no.

Sometimeswinning · 02/04/2021 08:30

Surely they will just discover it for themselves so teach them now how to stay safe on there. Perhaps some parents could look into it a bit more before making assumptions and banning it for their children.

Goleor · 02/04/2021 08:31

I dont think any social media is appropriate for young children. There is just no way to control what they see on there unless you watch them every second. Even youtube for kids has some pretty messed up stuff on it.

Washimal · 02/04/2021 08:31

A 12 year old I work with was left traumatised by a video of a man shooting himself on Tik Tok. He didn't go looking for it, it was 'hidden' in a Tik Tok entitled "look at this cake I made" or something. It's common when violent/offensive content gets removed for people to keep sharing it by hiding it in more innocuous looking Tik Toks, which means not only does the content keep spreading but kids have no way of actively avoiding stuff that's inappropriate or upsetting. Other kids have told me about clips they've seen on there depicting rape, self-harm and glamourising Eating Disorders. There's nothing "harmless" about it.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:36

@Sometimeswinning

Surely they will just discover it for themselves so teach them now how to stay safe on there. Perhaps some parents could look into it a bit more before making assumptions and banning it for their children.

Good grief. My parenting decisions are based on absolutely that. Looking into it and knowing it's not appropriate.

FireflyRainbow · 02/04/2021 08:37

YANBU op. It's just lazy parenting.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:38

[quote ihearttc]@rainbowthoughts

Please, you know absolutely nothing about my parenting or anyone else’s so please don’t judge. I never let my children have anything I haven’t checked first, DS1 wasn’t allowed any social media until he was way over 13 as it concerned me too much despite all his mates having it much much earlier which was awful for him at High School.

I got TikTok first specifically to check that it was ok and if I’d have seen anything that concerned me, clearly I wouldn’t have let DS2 have it. I’m not sure whether it’s because neither of us have an actual account or we’ve been lucky but I repeat I have never seen anything concerning on there at all. He can only watch videos, 95% of them are cute animals and the rest are football videos. He is an oversharer...tells me everything so if there was something he was worried about then I’d know about it.[/quote]

I will judge EVERY parent that tell me tiktok is k for their child in the age group we are discussing. Every. Single. One. Every. Single. Time.

If you don't want to listen to someone that would rather your child wasn't exposed to vile content, that's on you. Being defensive here isn't helpful.

Your child is at risk. There isn't a defence for that.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:40

@Sometimeswinning

That’s exactly my point. As a parent you need to educate yourself first and foremost, I got the app and have used it myself first and like I’ve said I personally haven’t seen anything worrying. I trust my DS to either tell me or scroll past if he sees anything that he feels isn’t appropriate. The same as I trust him to deal with other things.

At High School next year he is going to come across a lot worse than a few videos on TT.

I have a 16 year old DS who talks to me about everything, girl issues, mates issues, peer pressure to drink etc because I’ve brought my children up to tell me stuff.

I can’t seem to get across what I mean but I want them to have relation with me where nothing is hidden, if they see or hear something uncomfortable then they know they can talk to me about it not keep it hidden.

Washimal · 02/04/2021 08:40

He is an oversharer...tells me everything so if there was something he was worried about then I’d know about it.

I work in a school. If I had a pound for every time a parent has told me their child "tells them everything" and I've then had to show them something on their child's phone that has completely shocked them I'd be a very rich woman.

RevolvingPivot · 02/04/2021 08:41

My 8 and 10 year old had it. Their settings were private. They had 6-8 followers, kids from school. However they could view anyone's videos that were public and some of them were doing stupid things that could really hurt themselves. I deleted it when that guy killed him self. I do feel bad as dd1 will be at secondary school soon and I don't want her to feel left out as I know what kids are like but I don't like it.

AaronPurr · 02/04/2021 08:44

I trust my DS to either tell me or scroll past if he sees anything that he feels isn’t appropriate.

By the time he's watching something inappropriate it's too late to just scroll past. Some of the stuff on Tiktok is bloody horrifying for adults, let alone a 10 year old.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:45

@rainbowthoughts

You act like I’m deliberately exposing them to watching child pornography!! I repeat for the millionth time, I have never seen anything inappropriate on there. There very well maybe stuff that he shouldn’t see but the same could be said for YouTube, Roblox or any other media channel.

I would hazard a guess that 95% of the kids in his year have TT, so clearly we are all putting our child at risk. Best I get on to Social Services then. Or maybe they should concentrate on the children in his class who are actually being neglected.

Do you have children that age or teenagers?

IndecentFeminist · 02/04/2021 08:46

It's a no from me. DD is 10 and we looked at it together for a bit to suss it out, but the For You page is too unpredictable. She wanted it for the viral dances etc, but even those are way too sexualised and I'm not having that.

rainbowthoughts · 02/04/2021 08:46

That’s exactly my point. As a parent you need to educate yourself first and foremost, I got the app and have used it myself first and like I’ve said I personally haven’t seen anything worrying.

Interesting you think as parents we should educate ourselves but you are not willing to listen to anyone telling you the other side of the coin.

I trust my DS to either tell me or scroll past if he sees anything that he feels isn’t appropriate.

By the time he makes that decision it is too late. He has already seen the inappropriate video. Another point to consider is that your child is 10 and has not have the ability to make a judgement in what is appropriate and what is not in the same way you or I would.

The same as I trust him to deal with other things.

It is not your son you are putting trust in here, it's literally the world. Anybody, and I mean anybody, can be putting content up that your child will see.

Stop seeing it as a dog against you and a situation where you need to trust your child. Learn from this post. Please.

ihearttc · 02/04/2021 08:46

@Washimal

I have full access to his phone so I know exactly what’s on there.

My 16 year old also lets me look at his phone as well if I ask.

HumbertTheBee · 02/04/2021 08:47

@washimal The man shooting himself was the Ronnie McNutt suicide, it became a trend for a while to trick children into watching it by playing 'safe' clips before cutting. I think it was on the news and a lot of letters got sent out a schools