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AIBU?

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Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
Blindstupid · 01/04/2021 14:22

I’m loving how many people are saying the dh is good/honest/dealing with it in the right way - he added her on Fb when he never usually adds anyone other than family and close friends!

The way she went out of her way to pull up and say ‘hello you’ when she didn’t realise OP was in the car, suggests there’s been more than 1 conversation about the weather.

He could easily be telling OP what’s happening as a way to allow and normalise things.

Or he could be genuinely not interested .....

EmbarrassingMama · 01/04/2021 14:23

Shouldn't the DH be the one to tell her to back off, not the OP?

FamBae · 01/04/2021 14:26

@VettiyaIruken

Go with him on the school run, stick out your tongue, lick his face from chin to eyebrow then look her straight in the face.

I used to do that with chocolate when I was a kid so I didn't have to share.

Bagsied.

(Seriously though, it sounds like a silly crush. Nothing to worry about)

Pmsl Grin
namechangeaga1n · 01/04/2021 14:50

This is bizarre behaviour. I don't think the OP is insecure and think many people would find it unnerving. I'm not sure anything can really be done. It sounds like your DH head is screwed on though. There are women who happily keep trying with a man they like irrespective of his interest or situation - it's a bit creepy.

Chailatteplease · 01/04/2021 15:04

@firedog

Any reason you feel so insecure?
What does insecurity have to do with it?

OP YABU to be uncomfortable with this. I’d find it disrespectful to myself and my marriage. I’d tell her to back off, the cheeky bint.

Chailatteplease · 01/04/2021 15:05

Sorry that was meant to be YANBU

catmumandhumanmum · 01/04/2021 15:06

I wouldn't like the fb add unless she's the mum of dc friends. They are good friends when you're not around, surely he would introduce you to her, it's a bit weird.

TheSparkleJar · 01/04/2021 15:14

I wouldn't do anything. She'll just see it as proof that you are threatened by her chemistry with him, or however she'll spin it.

If you really want to get at her, be affectionate with your DH at the school gates. I'm not suggesting groping or snogging, just put your arm around him or hold his hand. She'll look a bit daft giggling about him while he's clearly coupled up with you.

TheSparkleJar · 01/04/2021 15:16

I’m loving how many people are saying the dh is good/honest/dealing with it in the right way - he added her on Fb when he never usually adds anyone other than family and close friends!

I've done that. I find it impossible to dismiss a friend request from someone I know in any capacity in real life.

It sounds like he has represented everything accurately. She ignores him when his wife is there, she chats to him when she's not. She has a crush, I doubt there's anything more to it.

Lovedove · 01/04/2021 15:28

@EmbarrassingMama

Shouldn't the DH be the one to tell her to back off, not the OP?
This. Why is dh telling her all about this woman’s flirtations and adding her on Facebook. He needs to sort it out by either having a word or ignoring her going forward. She sounds like a saddo going after attached men, can’t stand women who do that
BelleSausage · 01/04/2021 15:48

Ignore her, OP.

She is the kind of woman that likes male attention and has to cultivate flirtations wherever she goes.

Your DH seems like a good egg and trustworthy. Don’t feed her craving by making a drama out of it. She is making herself look like a prize tit to everyone else.

CatherinedeBourgh · 01/04/2021 15:56

Meh. I’ve had situations where women were blatantly making passes at dh, sometimes in front of me. I’ve also had men do it, for that matter, and tell me they want to do him.

Apart from acknowledging their impeccable taste, of course, I never felt the urge to do anything. To paraphrase Michelle Obama of course he has the opportunity, if I thought he would take it I would have to think he’s not the man I know and love.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 01/04/2021 16:03

Her behaviour is odd and slightly stalkerish. You are not insecure to be unsettled by it.

But, in my view, confronting her, making public displays of affection in her presence, trying to befriend her, even waving at her, will all mark you out as insecure in her eyes. You aren’t. But that’s what she will tell herself.

Do nothing. If she turns things up a notch then it’s your DH’s job to deal with it.

Sassysally12 · 01/04/2021 16:18

If he blocks her on Facebook, she won’t be able to see his profile anywhere or re-add him. Your right to be annoyed, she’s taking the piss but at least DH is being open and honest with you. Hopefully the more he tries to stay clear of her the crush wears off

Lorieandrews · 01/04/2021 16:36

So I was taught an invaluable piece of information from my mum

You can’t control what others do. But you can control how to react to it. So in theory. You can control everything. Even the weather

It took me a good 25-30 years I see how impressive it is. But anyway. You can’t control her. But control joe you react. To me it seems he’s doing everything to show you she means nothing. How you react says it all really.

Lorieandrews · 01/04/2021 16:37

The weather thing btw. I mean yes. You can’t control how sunny it is. But even on a rainy day you can see the sunshine.

I’m not describing it as well as she did!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 01/04/2021 16:39

@Famousinlove

Tell DH to start wearing crocs on the school run?
Walking sandals with brown wool socks, beige shorts and a string vest.
Skatastic · 01/04/2021 16:50

Get a t-shirt printed for him with your smiling face on and make him wear that every school run. This would boil my piss even though I know it shouldn't and I should be the better person and blah blah but I would want to poke her in the eye with a shitty stick.

FelicityCentre · 01/04/2021 16:52

I may be seen as paranoid but I would be questioning what DH is saying. He may be feeding you a narrative. He doesn't regularly add people but added this woman. Also the "hello you" is very familiar for someone he barely speaks to. How difficult would it be for you to turn up on the school run unexpectedly and wait by the car for DH (with full view of the playground)? You've seen it when DH knows you're watching so I would want to have a look when he doesn't expect you there.

ThisMammaCat · 01/04/2021 16:53

Sorry this is making you feel like shit, OP.

The fact that she sent him another friend request after clearly being deleted just shows she is shameless and perhaps has poor self awareness regarding how she comes across. She doesn't sound like much of a threat at all.

Is there any chance you can find a way to be flattered that someone fancies your DH?

I few years ago I noticed one of the teachers staring at my DP quite a lot, and he didn't seem to notice- We've been together for a long time too, and been through a lot, and I was wholly flattered because that teacher is such a beautiful woman and she was eyeing my fella. I mentioned it to him and he was oblivious bless him- the school run is never associated in his mind with anything other that trying to avoid people while dropping the kids off.

Given how this woman acts when you are there vs when you are not I would actually be tempted to give her some ribbing about it, which would probably come in the form of offering to pimp him out to her if the price is right....but my sense of humour is incredibly immature at times, this isn't advice I'd give...just what I'd be tempted to say lol

She does sound incredibly desperate, which is not an attractive trait at all.

ThisMammaCat · 01/04/2021 16:55

I forgot to add, some of the jokey replies in this thread made me laugh so much my bladder made threats (I'm heavily pregnant).

Also, the "hello you" thing, to me, sounds like she was trying to put a focus on him, and doesn't necessarily mean they have had any conversations your DH hasn't mentioned. Some women are just very predatory, it doesn't have to mean something untoward has happened.

SeptemberAlexandra · 01/04/2021 17:37

Just ignore and don’t give her the satisfaction of thinking it gets to you. She’ll soon get bored.

custardbear · 01/04/2021 18:37

any flirting today?

U2HasTheEdge · 01/04/2021 18:56

Your husband doesn't add many people on FB so why did he add her? I'm not entirely sure the 'I didn't want to appear rude' excuse cuts it. I am sure he finds it flattering, which isn't necessarily an issue.

I don't care if someone else fancies my husband. It has happened before- not a problem. I would only have an issue with it if I was concerned about the way he reacted to that.

Accepting her on FB would be the only thing that would annoy me. It would be out of character for my husband to add someone he barely knows, to add someone he barely knows and who fancies him would be a concern as it would be out of character.

ILoveShula · 01/04/2021 19:31

Might it be mentionitis., a story to cover his tracks?

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