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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 01/04/2021 12:10

Years ago I accidentally started acting like I fancied a school dad.

It started with some accidental eye contact which I would quickly look away from. Then I realised I probably looked like I was being all coy and flirtatious so I started feeling a bit awkward so I tried not to notice him which meant that I kept noticing him.

One time at least it must have looked like I was looking at him and giggling, when really I was laughing at a funny story another mum was telling.

He must have told his wife because once when I passed her in the street she looked at me like she was trying to size me up. I just pretended not to notice.

Once I was queueing in the local shop. There were two queues opposite eachother and I looked up and saw him looking back at me from the opposite queue. I turned my head and pretended to look at the nearest shelf. After about a minute I realised I was staring at packets of condoms. I quickly looked forward again and made eye contact with him again. I cringe imagining how he must have told his wife about that. "She pointedly made eye contact with me then looked at the condoms and then looked back at me. Blatantly coming on to me."

Although come to think of it all these times I made eye contact with him a lot of them must have been because he was looking at me first.

I kind of wish they had said something to me so I could point out how ridiculous it was to think I would fancy someone who looked about fifteen years older than me with a huge beer belly and a sort of bohemian Jeremy Clarkson vibe about him.

But it's probably best that no one said anything and no big deal was made, no insults were hurled and everyone stayed civilised.

LucilleTheVampireBat · 01/04/2021 12:11

I'd tell another couple of mum friends and have a good laugh at her to her face, silly cow

How insecure would you have to be to do something like that. I'm cringing reading it.

People fancy other people. If you feel the need to mark your territory in order to "protect" it, you have got a problem.

ThatOtherPoster · 01/04/2021 12:13

Is she on Instagram?

I wouldn't do any of the suggestions on here except run her over but I would start telling the other mums what's going on. In an "OMG you'll never guess what this woman is doing" gossipy way. Not in an "I feel threatened" way.

magicstar1 · 01/04/2021 12:14

It sounds like your DH is responding in the right way...keep refusing her friend requests etc.
I was out one night with DH and friends...all sitting in a circle, and a woman came over, plonked herself down on DH's lap and whispered "It's your birthday" Someone happened to take a photo right then, and all you can see if DH leaning back away looking horrified, and everyone else looking at me. I was laughing.

Springsnake · 01/04/2021 12:15

Your dh is the problem
He needs to blank her compleatly .
Act like she doesn’t exist
All this trying not to be rude is encouraging her

YoghurtLover · 01/04/2021 12:16

Unless your partner shows that he's interested, then I'd leave it alone?! Is she so incredibly attractive that you have something to worry about? The worse thing to do is to become paranoid, invite the woman into your life by Facebooking her/trying to befriend her to 'warn her off' lol, or and in the process, make your husband think you're mad.

blowinahoolie · 01/04/2021 12:18

@silverfish00

I'm not sure why so many posters are advising me to send her a Facebook friend request? Why would I do that when she and I have never spoken before? I'd look like an absolute loon.
Facebook - work of the devil🙄
Parkerwhereareyou · 01/04/2021 12:18

* Yep- this is a perfectly rational response to a fb friend request and a "hello you" in a public place. Not even a tiny bit of an over reaction.... hmm**

Artesia
Yes just like you’d be overreacting if a shark just started nibbling your toe harmlessly over the edge of the boat and you pulled your foot away ....

Honest, the woman is overstepping.

But Excilente is totally right.

You can roleplay the Colombian confrontation in your head. And then your DH can actually stop this. ☺️

Timeisavirtue · 01/04/2021 12:29

Some people have no shame unfortunately.

thebestnamehere · 01/04/2021 12:34

Go up to her when she makes a beeline for him and say, Oh it's you! Hubby said one of the mums fancied him!

Iwonder08 · 01/04/2021 12:35

Your DH is not interested, why are you worried?! You don't need to act as a guard dog

ILoveShula · 01/04/2021 12:39

@Iwonder08, if you weren't really hungry and somebody offered you a chocolate, would you say no? What if they kept offering?

custardbear · 01/04/2021 12:40

Sounds like you've a decent DH and she's just a tramp - I'd be inclined to hold my DH hand and perhaps have him point at her and you both laugh - burn understand why you don't want to do that I would though Wink

Artesia · 01/04/2021 12:43

[quote ILoveShula]@Iwonder08, if you weren't really hungry and somebody offered you a chocolate, would you say no? What if they kept offering?[/quote]
That's just depressing- the idea that her DH is suck a weak willed idiot that he'd be immune to her persistent feminine wiles. Credit the man with some decency.

HighNetGirth · 01/04/2021 12:43

Comedy answer: join your DH on the school run and batter her with your handbag, old-school style, while your DH hops around in the background crying "Leave it babe, she ain't worf it!"

More seriously, please do nothing at all. There is no need, by the sounds of it, and this woman probably loves drama- hence the flirting campaign-so it could escalate very quickly.

CookPassBabtridge · 01/04/2021 12:53

Absolutely zero wrong with having crushes on other people, and the school playground is ripe for it.. a bit of flirting or glances make the world go round.
But she is being totally over the top and disrespectful. It needs to be kept in her head not affecting anyone else.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/04/2021 12:56

There isn't a lot you can do about her behaviour. Your DH has done all the right things in dealing with her

Interviewedundercaution · 01/04/2021 12:58

If she sends him another FB friend request he should ignore it. Then she can't send another one. If he declines it she can keep sending them.

BabyItsAWildWorld · 01/04/2021 13:02

You seem to think most of this 'flirting' is through eye contact, waving, and laughing...that's a very limited medium, which would quickly tire.

If it was just that, and your DH ignored it and blanked her, it would dry up quickly.There's only so much looking at and giggling from afar you can continue to do.

But the 'hello you' and facebook request sugegts that they do actually engage in some intercations more than that. And I'd suspect there is chats and a bit of laugh at the school gate going on.

Your DH is mentioning it to you because he's confused. He knows there's this 'thing' which feels a bit weird, but he's not sure what his role is so he's trying to be up front to you, but not really acknowledging what it is or his role.

If I were you I'd say to my Dh 'look she fancies you and is a flirt, you need to totally blank her otherwise you're sending her asignal, even with polite chat. It's making me feel worried, can you assure me you will draw a clear line and blank this women please?'

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 01/04/2021 13:04

You don't do the school runs but know all the gossip about this woman Hmm Maybe that's colouring your judgement because so far all she's done is say hello, smile and add him on Facebook.
I'm surprised your DH is turning this into a drama. Perhaps he listens to all the gossip too.
Either you trust your DH or you don't. If you trust him, you don't need to do anything. If you don't trust him, then he is your problem not a woman at the school.
Also, if he isn't a looker maybe she is being friendly for another reason eg work expertise; they know someone in common, etc.

Kittykat93 · 01/04/2021 13:05

Lol at all the women on here saying how 'hot' 'uncommonly attractive' and 'gorgeous' their husbands are...of course you find him attractive hes your husband..doesn't mean everyone else does 😁

Ginuwine · 01/04/2021 13:08

@Kittykat93

Lol at all the women on here saying how 'hot' 'uncommonly attractive' and 'gorgeous' their husbands are...of course you find him attractive hes your husband..doesn't mean everyone else does 😁
Why cut people down for expressing their viewpoint though?

If you find someone attractive then it's mathematically possible someone else will too, especially as your attraction and "claim" has put a frame around the person and given them context and perceived value

BrownEyedGirl80 · 01/04/2021 13:09

Is she very attractive op?

AndyBarbersIntern · 01/04/2021 13:09

She’s just succeeding in making a bit of a twat of herself. I wouldn’t give it any more head space. Your DH has been open with you and obviously isn’t interested.

Alsohuman · 01/04/2021 13:11

If I were you I'd say to my Dh 'look she fancies you and is a flirt, you need to totally blank her otherwise you're sending her asignal, even with polite chat. It's making me feel worried, can you assure me you will draw a clear line and blank this women please?

If my bloke asked me to be rude to someone and implied that he didn’t trust me, I’d tell him to fuck right off.

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