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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think oral sex is unpleasant?

382 replies

barnabybarbie · 31/03/2021 21:43

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I should specify - I mean receiving oral sex, not giving it. Giving it I don't mind either way, but receiving really gives me the ick for some reason (even hypothetically from someone I'm otherwise attracted to).

Am I alone in this?

OP posts:
DragonPoop · 02/04/2021 12:01

I can only enjoy it if I’m truly comfortable with whomever I’m doing it with. Obviously I enjoy it with my DH but when I was single it wouldn’t be something I would enjoy with every partner. It feels so intimate and personal

Ginuwine · 02/04/2021 12:15

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Why have grown women suddenly started using the word icky?
Exactly this - why?

It's a playground word for sure but it's a shorthand for the like minded hence why it's so popular on a jargon filled, cliquey forum such as this

DropDTuning · 02/04/2021 12:47

I dislike the word 'icky'.

But not half as much as I dislike 'grown women' telling other 'grown women' that their sexual preferences are wrong, inferior, inadequate or mistaken. I find it just a teensy-weensy ickle-pickle bit like a man telling a lesbian she just hasn't tried the right dick yet.

How about having the tiniest bit of humility and recognising that just because you enjoy something doesn't mean that someone else, who doesn't, is wrong? How about growing up enough to understand that people like different things?

DropDTuning · 02/04/2021 12:49

FWIW I've had a lot of partners, been with my husband for 13 years. Have done a lot of things (both sexually and otherwise) that I suspect many of the "lol u just haven't found the right man yet hun my dh could win an olympic gold" posters would find beyond the pale. And am completely confident in my own body. Still don't want to have him, or anyone, giving me oral sex.

Because.

I.

Don't.

Like.

It.

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 12:54

@DropDTuning

I dislike the word 'icky'.

But not half as much as I dislike 'grown women' telling other 'grown women' that their sexual preferences are wrong, inferior, inadequate or mistaken. I find it just a teensy-weensy ickle-pickle bit like a man telling a lesbian she just hasn't tried the right dick yet.

How about having the tiniest bit of humility and recognising that just because you enjoy something doesn't mean that someone else, who doesn't, is wrong? How about growing up enough to understand that people like different things?

That should work both ways, but it doesn’t, at least in this thread. Posters are being told that their desires are gross/icky/grim etc.

Those posters should also ‘have the tiniest bit of humility’ and recognise that just because they don’t enjoy something it doesn’t make someone else who does it grim, gross, ‘icky’ or any other playground adjective of choice.

DropDTuning · 02/04/2021 13:06

I don't think it's 'icky' or any other pathetic word. I'm not remotely interested in what consenting adults do or don't do between themselves.

What I've seen on this thread is a series of women answering a question and being told that they are inadequate, damaged, disturbed or wrong about their own bodies and their own experiences. It's foul.

LemonSherbetFancies · 02/04/2021 13:11

Love it but in the past have hated it. The smells in particular and the ick factor. With DP, totally different Blush

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 13:13

@DropDTuning

I don't think it's 'icky' or any other pathetic word. I'm not remotely interested in what consenting adults do or don't do between themselves.

What I've seen on this thread is a series of women answering a question and being told that they are inadequate, damaged, disturbed or wrong about their own bodies and their own experiences. It's foul.

You seem to be blithely ignoring the women who are answering the very same question and being told that their sexual activities and desires are gross, grim, icky and disgusting. They’re being shamed for having certain sexual desires. Why are you not calling out those posters the way you’re calling out the ones who are of the ‘you just haven’t had it done by a guy who knows what he’s doing’ ilk?

FWIW, I strongly feel that if someone doesn’t like it, they don’t like it. End of. Irrespective of the skills of the giver. But I feel equally strongly that nobody should be told their desires are gross just because someone else doesn’t share them. That’s quite pathetic and juvenile.

DropDTuning · 02/04/2021 13:23

Why are you not calling out those posters the way you’re calling out the ones who are of the ‘you just haven’t had it done by a guy who knows what he’s doing’ ilk?

Sure. Didn't think it was necessary for me to become the 100th person to say the same thing, but if it makes you happy.

Anyone who says that anyone else is wrong, mistaken, disgusting, inadequate, repressed, gross or icky in relation to their own sexual desires and experiences is a grotesque, stupid, patronising, pathetic, embarrassing dickhead.

Better?

Horehound · 02/04/2021 13:25

I love getting and hate giving lol

Horehound · 02/04/2021 13:37

Oh and also my husband loves giving it. I orgasm every time without fail from it and they are the most intense orgasms ever...Its amazing and the orgasms I have turn him on so much
So win win

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 13:37

@DropDTuning

Why are you not calling out those posters the way you’re calling out the ones who are of the ‘you just haven’t had it done by a guy who knows what he’s doing’ ilk?

Sure. Didn't think it was necessary for me to become the 100th person to say the same thing, but if it makes you happy.

Anyone who says that anyone else is wrong, mistaken, disgusting, inadequate, repressed, gross or icky in relation to their own sexual desires and experiences is a grotesque, stupid, patronising, pathetic, embarrassing dickhead.

Better?

And now we have sarcasm and passive-aggressive responses. Great.
TableFlowerss · 02/04/2021 13:45

I think there’s something really hot about the guy you’re in love with going down on you in general.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 02/04/2021 14:44

@sammylady37 actually there was only one poster saying another woman's desire was gross. ONE. How many have told OP that she hasn't found the right guy yet? That he's just not doing ir right? How many have questioned the posters that don't like it over their sexuality, their relationship, their ability to let go? A lot more.

Everyone else that expressed opinions like icky or gross didn't like it to any other poster or women in general. Just that they find the ACT gross and icky.

You're arguing against a point that hasn't actually been made except for one poster, and I suspect that's more to do with their own homophobia rather than women enjoying sexual acts of whatever nature.

Allabouttheangles · 02/04/2021 14:55

@dotdashdashdash I thought you were being general when you said it doesn’t make a difference if the person is good at it when lots of us said it did matter for us. I get now that you were only speaking for yourself. Sorry!

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 15:12

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@sammylady37 actually there was only one poster saying another woman's desire was gross. ONE. How many have told OP that she hasn't found the right guy yet? That he's just not doing ir right? How many have questioned the posters that don't like it over their sexuality, their relationship, their ability to let go? A lot more.

Everyone else that expressed opinions like icky or gross didn't like it to any other poster or women in general. Just that they find the ACT gross and icky.

You're arguing against a point that hasn't actually been made except for one poster, and I suspect that's more to do with their own homophobia rather than women enjoying sexual acts of whatever nature.

[/quote]
Nope, I’ve reference posters being told that their desires and their activities are icky etc. Not just their desires- that was indeed a point made by only one poster. But plenty replies have been along the lines of “no, it’s icky/it gives me the ick/it’s too slobbery” etc. Who is any poster here to tell another woman that what she does and enjoys sexually is gross/icky/whatever? Why the judgement and disparaging comments? Why not just accept that other people have different desires and do different things, particularly as posters are (rightly) demanding that their desires/likes and dislikes be respected, yet they’re not so respectful themselves. It’s hypocritical.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 02/04/2021 15:38

@sammylady37 you seem to be unable to differentiate between the act and the people engaged in it.

I think golden showers are gross and many many other things(most of them learned on MN 😬), because they are to me. I don't think the people engaged in it or that enjoy it are gross. I don't think their desires are gross. But the act itself when it concerns me is.

Lamb meat is smelly, disgusting and it makes me puke. Am I shaming or making a judgement on all lamb eaters when I say that?

IndecentFeminist · 02/04/2021 15:53

People are saying that they find the act slobbery or whatever, not the people who are enjoying it.

Honestly, it isn't rocket science.

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 15:59

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@sammylady37 you seem to be unable to differentiate between the act and the people engaged in it.

I think golden showers are gross and many many other things(most of them learned on MN 😬), because they are to me. I don't think the people engaged in it or that enjoy it are gross. I don't think their desires are gross. But the act itself when it concerns me is.

Lamb meat is smelly, disgusting and it makes me puke. Am I shaming or making a judgement on all lamb eaters when I say that? [/quote]
I’m more than capable of differentiating between them, thanks.
There have been lots of posts here where people have said that oral sex is gross/icky etc, as if their opinion is absolute fact, when it’s just subjective. I wouldn’t have an issue with people saying they personally find something gross or disgusting, but to issue a statement that an act itself is gross (and inferring that those who enjoy it are therefore partaking in something gross) is ridiculous.

To continue your analogy, there’s nothing wrong with you saying that you find lamb meat smelly and disgusting. But if someone said they liked lamb meat and you replied with a blanket “ugh no, it’s so disgusting! And smelly!! Omg how can you eat that, it’s just icky” then yes, I think that would be problematic. Saying “oh I don’t like lamb meat, can’t stand the smell” would be fine. There’s a difference.

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 16:00

@IndecentFeminist

People are saying that they find the act slobbery or whatever, not the people who are enjoying it.

Honestly, it isn't rocket science.

And it’s not rocket science to understand that some people may not like being told that sexism acts they enjoy are gross/icky/slobbery as of the other person’s opinion is the only valid one.
sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 16:01

^sexual acts, not sexism!

IndecentFeminist · 02/04/2021 16:33

You're taking this very personally. I would assume that people are saying it's 'icky' or whatever by way of explaining why they don't like it. So saying "oh god no, it's icky" is short hand for "oh god no, I don't like that because it is icky".

Probably when faced with a trill of "oh you just just have not met the right tongue yet".

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/04/2021 16:48

This thread is literally swimming in posters saying it is icky or gross. Not liking something is fine but these words, especially current MN favourite “the ick” has a playground mentality about it. It’s a word designed to put people down and shame people.

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 17:01

You're taking this very personally

Well to be fair, it’s hard not to take it personally when multiple posters are saying that sexual activities I desire and partake in are ‘icky’! And even more so when those posters want their opinion that they don’t like those activities to be accepted and respected but are happy to use derogatory descriptions of those acts to reinforce why they don’t like them.

MaLarkinn · 02/04/2021 17:05

I have a thing about mouth germs and if someone has a funny coloured tongue I can't do it!