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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think oral sex is unpleasant?

382 replies

barnabybarbie · 31/03/2021 21:43

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I should specify - I mean receiving oral sex, not giving it. Giving it I don't mind either way, but receiving really gives me the ick for some reason (even hypothetically from someone I'm otherwise attracted to).

Am I alone in this?

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 02/04/2021 08:21

Totally agree with @sammylady3 and @BurbageBrook. There is absolutely no need to go for language such as calling desire “gross”. 🌈

StarlightLady · 02/04/2021 08:33

To those who have made comments about it’s where wee comes from etc, the answer is simple; wash.

Think about the things you do and touch with your hands, from wiping when you go to the loo, to changing tampons, to, for some, pooey nappies, to general grime. Nobody is suggesting forgoing general hygiene. Oral and hygiene should go hand in hand in the same way as oral and orgasms. 💄

TheVamoosh · 02/04/2021 09:08

I was lucky to have such memorable first experiences and that was one of them when we first DTD he spent ages relaxing, massaging and then giving me oral which made me orgasm incredibly intensely

Sounds like my idea of "feathery stroker" hell!! 😆

Washimal · 02/04/2021 09:26

I'm another one who thought for a long time that I didn't like recieving oral...then I met my DH. Turns out I'd just never been with anyone who was very good at it before, even guys who were very competent at all the other stuff.

I can see why some posters are saying that those who don't like it are "missing out" because IME the orgasms you get from really good oral are very different and much more intense than from other types of stimulation. I would be sad not to have experienced that I think. But if people aren't bothered and they're happy without it then that's fine.

Nothing more awkward than getting oral from someone who doesn't know what they're doing though! Makes me cringe remembering some encournters from my teens and early twenties. I think it's the combination of boundless enthusiasm and utter ineptitude that's a complete turn off Grin

tisonlymeagain · 02/04/2021 09:44

@Washimal

I'm another one who thought for a long time that I didn't like recieving oral...then I met my DH. Turns out I'd just never been with anyone who was very good at it before, even guys who were very competent at all the other stuff.

I can see why some posters are saying that those who don't like it are "missing out" because IME the orgasms you get from really good oral are very different and much more intense than from other types of stimulation. I would be sad not to have experienced that I think. But if people aren't bothered and they're happy without it then that's fine.

Nothing more awkward than getting oral from someone who doesn't know what they're doing though! Makes me cringe remembering some encournters from my teens and early twenties. I think it's the combination of boundless enthusiasm and utter ineptitude that's a complete turn off Grin

I agree. Bad oral is the worst. How do you tell someone to stop because it's shit?
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 02/04/2021 09:46

Can we please just accept that someone could be the World Champion Cunnilinguist three years running, but it still wouldn't mean diddly squat if the recipient didn't like oral. FFS people, it's not that hard to comprehend, surely?

Apparently it is.Hmm

tisonlymeagain · 02/04/2021 09:50

It's not hard to comprehend - not everyone is going to like everything - but lots of posters are sharing their experience of also not liking receiving oral but changed their mind with a different partner.

It was a question posed in AIBU so you're going to get a variety of responses and some of them ARE going to be YABU if other people like and enjoy it. Nature of the board isn't it?!

CarolineF123 · 02/04/2021 10:04

This reply has been deleted

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thenightsky · 02/04/2021 10:04

@TheVamoosh

I was lucky to have such memorable first experiences and that was one of them when we first DTD he spent ages relaxing, massaging and then giving me oral which made me orgasm incredibly intensely

Sounds like my idea of "feathery stroker" hell!! 😆

God yes. Can't stand 'feathery' strokers.
DropDTuning · 02/04/2021 10:33

@Washimal

I'm another one who thought for a long time that I didn't like recieving oral...then I met my DH. Turns out I'd just never been with anyone who was very good at it before, even guys who were very competent at all the other stuff.

I can see why some posters are saying that those who don't like it are "missing out" because IME the orgasms you get from really good oral are very different and much more intense than from other types of stimulation. I would be sad not to have experienced that I think. But if people aren't bothered and they're happy without it then that's fine.

Are you missing the fact that many of us said we can and have had orgasms that way and we still don't enjoy it?

Why is there such a bizarre insistence that you know other people better than we know ourselves?

I've had two long marriages, several short term relationships, and plenty of casual sex. I'm 40. I think I probably know my own body, preferences and experiences better than a random on the internet.

It's patronising and ridiculous. Do you do this with food, drink, music and other things too?

dotdashdashdash · 02/04/2021 10:33

@Allabouttheangles but I've said up thread that I've had oral from people good at it and I don't like it. I dislike oral. I dislike it even if I orgasm from it. Orgasm's for me do not make good sex.

bagpuss90 · 02/04/2021 10:35

I once had a bf who had no clue on how to do it. He had a beard -seriously it was like having my lady bits assaulted by a jack russell terrier with a Brillo pad in its mouth

VioletSunset · 02/04/2021 10:37

I can see why some posters are saying that those who don't like it are "missing out" because IME the orgasms you get from really good oral are very different and much more intense than from other types of stimulation.

Well In my experience the best orgasms come from PIV sex and nothing else comes close. And lots of other women would agree.

dotdashdashdash · 02/04/2021 10:40

Well In my experience the best orgasms come from PIV sex and nothing else comes close. And lots of other women would agree.

I definitely agree with that. I've had sex with men and women, and I enjoy both but orgasm's from PIV are my favourite.

Esther95 · 02/04/2021 10:47

You can only speak for yourself at the end of the day. You can't say ' well I love it so everyone else must too, and if you don't there must be something wrong with either you or your partner '

World doesn't work that way. Your own experience does not fit everyone.

caringcarer · 02/04/2021 10:50

I like giving and receiving. It is especially good if I stand up and lean back against a wall and he kneels down in front of me and pushes upwards.

me4real · 02/04/2021 11:06

That said, I’ve always been a very sexual being, but wasn’t confident enough to truly follow/explore all my desires/needs until my early 30s and imagine id have felt ‘exposed’ in a way I couldn’t have handled until I’d truly reached my sexual acceptance.

@Dimsummummy I can be quite a sexual being, I just don't happen to like this particular thing, and prefer others.

ll other forms of orgasm can be self stimulated (without the intimacy) through masturbation of some variety, but oral sex can’t! Therefore the sensation is the unicorn?

PIV is quite hard to do to yourself. Smile Using a vibrator internally isn't the same IMO.

But this is the most intimate act ever! If you don't enjoy you are missing out big time

@AnotherSunrise No. I'm not missing anything as I don't enjoy that particular sensation. I probably enjoy some other things more than you do.

And I agree with PP's, I'd rather they were where I could stroke their flanks more readily etc.

My ex was alway trying to nag/pester me into letting him give me oral when I don't like it. It made him feel better about hi impotent micropenis. It was very coercive, he even said maybe I could get therapy to liike it as 'a lot of women like it and you could be missing out.' So problematic.

How do you tell someone to stop because it's shit?

@tisonlymeagain I think you could say that, well maybe a slightly more tactful version. Then try and tell them what you like. If they stil can't get them too shape up then bin if need be. If they get offended at you saying you prefer they do it some other way (everyone's different and maybe their ex liked it done differently) they're no loss.

Alconleigh · 02/04/2021 11:20

It pretty much IS sex to me. It's the best bit by far (for me, I appreciate not everyone as per the thread). I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who didn't like doing it; it's too important a part of sex for me.

LarryIsNotHappy · 02/04/2021 11:32

Agree, it's totally icky. Major bone of contention for me and DH on two fronts, firstly he believes he's an expert as everyone before me has loved what he did! His words obviously, but not my experience. Secondly, I object to him giving me oral and then thinking it's okay to start kissing me straight afterwards 🤢🤢.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/04/2021 11:42

Why have grown women suddenly started using the word icky?

sammylady37 · 02/04/2021 11:50

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Why have grown women suddenly started using the word icky?
Especially in relation to sex - it’s really juvenile.
Alsohuman · 02/04/2021 11:56

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Why have grown women suddenly started using the word icky?
I know. Or even worse “gives me the ick”. It makes me feel faintly nauseous.
LarryIsNotHappy · 02/04/2021 11:57

Does "unpleasant" make it better? Hmm

Alsohuman · 02/04/2021 11:59

@LarryIsNotHappy

Does "unpleasant" make it better? Hmm
Yes, because unpleasant is a real word, not made up playground nonsense. 🙂
LaBellina · 02/04/2021 12:01

I love receiving oral sex. I didn’t know what the fuss was all about when I was with my ex who would go down on me with hesitation but couldn’t make me come even once during our 10 year lasting relationship.

After we separated I started to date other men, learned what it takes to make me come. I absolutely LOVE it now.

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