Should NRP use all of their annual leave to have their children more?

[SpongebobNoPants]

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?
Situation is NRP has children EOW and 1-2 times a week for dinner, every bank holiday weekend, and time off for RP to go on solo holiday twice a year.
RP is a STAHP to 2 secondary aged children.

YABU - NRP should use all of their holiday allowance to have the kids more
YANBU - NRP can use annual leave for a few personal days too

By the same logic, it’s none of his ex’s business what DP does with his free time

Completely agree, you're all far to involved in each others lives. I've probably missed this further up but how long have they been separated.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect all his annual leave to be used for the kids. Everyone needs some downtime away from work and kids. Not saying that always possible for everyone but we book days off work when the kids are in nursery just for some downtime to chill out.

@SuperCaliFragalistic I’m not bothered... but when she’s kicking off at my front door because my DP has had a couple of days off it’s got my back up.
She’s an incredibly entitled woman and it annoys me

@SuperCaliFragalistic they’ve been separated 11 years

Your partner is absolutely not being unreasonable. His ex is being quite controlling and over-involved.

If she turns up at your house being verbally abusive and you're frightened, calmly ask her to leave. If she won't leave and continues to verbally abuse you, call the police.

He’s been incredibly stressed, working ridiculous hours since the start of the pandemic. Working the weekends in between having the kids etc.
I think he deserves a rest bless him

Why not use holiday club? Nrp can work and have children more often.

I think he deserves a rest too - but it's hot nothing to do with what holidays she goes on. Why can't he just tell her straight? He's been letting her walk all over him for years by the sounds of it.

Gotta love a thread about parents arguing about wanting time WITHOUT their children.

It sounds exhausting - the fair free time debate.

No they shouldn’t have to use all of their annual leave at all.

Mainly because life doesn’t work like that. I don’t use all my annual leave to have my kids at home - in fact I’ve taken a couple of days whilst they’re in childcare so I can get things done for myself and the house.

NRP can never get it right because any insinuation that they need time to themselves or time to sort things which dont revolve around their kids - they are then deemed a shitty parent who is failing everyone and treating their ex like shit because “they don’t get a break”. But the reality is EVERYONE needs down time. Work is not down time. If the RP doesn’t work then they have time to themselves for 5 full days a week plus the time the kids are with other parent.

My SC mother doesn’t work - the kids are in school plus at ours every weekend and stay at their grandparents regularly. Therefore she has 9-3 child free every week day and one full weekend night and day.

My partner has one day a week he doesn’t work or have kids. How is that any better than the RP who has at least 30 hours to themselves every week.

@Bluntpencil

Why not use holiday club? Nrp can work and have children more often.

For a 12 and 16 year old??

She sounds loud. And angry.

How does she manage financially? How does she not work?

@blackcurrantjam I have no idea, none of my business but she lives very comfortably

And yes. She’s a very angry person 😂

Really it's up to people what they do. Holidays in Goa! Amazing!

Can they stay with friends/family so you guys can get a break? Or not use AL to look after them? Can't they stay at home, go to friends while he works? . Then you could use AL to go to Goa !

@blackcurrantjam 😂😂😂 I want to go to Goa!
To be fair after the last year I’d be happy with a trip to St Ives!

It is irrelevant that she doesn't work. It really is.

If their arrangement is that they share the holidays, then they share the holidays. Tough if that's all the annual leave he has. And tough if she has lots of spare time while he doesn't. If he isn't happy with that arrangement, he needs to change it.

I completely agree she can't dictate what he does on any other days he takes off. And yes, if she pitches up at your door, or sends you endless emails, then that's harrasment.

And really at 12 and 16 the kids aren't that exhausting. My 12 and 16 year olds cook. They spend time alone. They don't need constant looking after. And I assume that for the last 12 months, they've been at home like most other 12 and 16 year olds. So she hasn't really had a lot of time off over the last year has she?

Ex sounds batshit.

This. It's got precisely fuck all to do with her what your DP does with his annual leave!

@HelenHywater

It is irrelevant that she doesn't work. It really is.

If their arrangement is that they share the holidays, then they share the holidays. Tough if that's all the annual leave he has. And tough if she has lots of spare time while he doesn't. If he isn't happy with that arrangement, he needs to change it.

I completely agree she can't dictate what he does on any other days he takes off. And yes, if she pitches up at your door, or sends you endless emails, then that's harrasment.

And really at 12 and 16 the kids aren't that exhausting. My 12 and 16 year olds cook. They spend time alone. They don't need constant looking after. And I assume that for the last 12 months, they've been at home like most other 12 and 16 year olds. So she hasn't really had a lot of time off over the last year has she?

You've entirely missed the point

They have agreed contact

He fulfills that

She wants him to use all annual leave for extra contact

And I don't think it is irrelevant that he doesn't work because if she was a full time working mum of two toddlers with not s minute to herself it'd be totally different.

He only had them EOW. Surely the other 26 days per month childfree are enough?

@HelenHywater this isn’t taking away from the time he has his kids, this is extra as a bonus because he was a key worker who worked extra during the pandemic on his “weekends off”.

Also as I’ve stated in my previous post, during lockdown they were here whenever they wanted to be because I was working from home so I facilitated that. I also stated they’ve been offered to stay tonight but they didn’t want to.

He’s had 3 days off to himself. It did not impact any arrangements and we asked them to stay extra.

And no, it is not irrelevant that she doesn’t work. She has far more free time than any of us in this situation.

@Willyoujustbequiet

He only had them EOW. Surely the other 26 days per month childfree are enough?

Again, he will be working most of them. It's not actual free time is it?

@Willyoujustbequiet well your maths is off unless there’s 34 days in a month? And seeing as he has been working 12 days out of every 14 for the majority of the lockdown bar the annual leave he had to have his kids, no he has not had much free time.

I also generously have had them here a lot during lockdown whilst working full time and homeschooling 2 primary aged kids.
She has it the easiest by far.

I get that you're annoyed and want to support your DP but you also come across as borderline obsessed about what his ex is doing with her life. If you're jealous of her then change your own life, stand up and do something different.