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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do women fancy “bad boys”

142 replies

Opal93 · 31/03/2021 17:22

I have a very good, loving husband but their is a well know bad lad in our town and I get butterflies when I see him! Would know better than to go anywhere near him though lol but he used to live opposite me as kids and even though he was a bad pig even then I fancied him like mad!! Almost ALL my friends have been through all sorts of shit after falling for a “bad boy” type, and I just ask myself WHAT on earth is the big attraction? Even when fantasising about male characters women love a bad boy a lot of the time! I just wonder what is it about them that is so attractive? Especially to younger girls, is it just cooler?

OP posts:

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 31/03/2021 17:23

Absolutely no idea but I'm the same.

Not every woman is like that but it's such a common thing.

CuriousSeal · 31/03/2021 17:26

I've never been attracted to bad boys and I've always wondered this about friends that have fallen for this type.

I'll be following this thread to hopefully get an answer!

Salarymallory · 31/03/2021 17:27

How old are you?
Sort of an issue when I was teens and early twenties with a very few but not beyond that

Original poster

Opal93 · 31/03/2021 17:29

28 🙈😳 I thought I was far too old for this too lol!

OP posts:

PeskyRooks · 31/03/2021 17:29

I think it must just stem from caveman times when a rough tough 'bad' boy would be more able to fight a sabre tooth tiger if it attacked or could kill something to eat.

LostInABlizzard · 31/03/2021 17:29

You'll get over this as you get older.

A lot of young girls have a fantasy about taming a bad boy, or about having someone who is horrible to everyone but them. Personally I think it's a control fantasy.

The truth is no-one changes anyone in this life.

CarnationCat · 31/03/2021 17:30

I think it's the thrill and the risk. The 'good boys' can be seen as safe, reliable and predictable whilst the 'bad boys' are the opposite.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 31/03/2021 17:31

I never have. I like geeky men

LostInABlizzard · 31/03/2021 17:31

In the same way some men fancy rude, sullen, obnoxious women who are dismissive to them.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/03/2021 17:31

I reckon there is something genetically in our species that means modern day bad boys are the equivalent of strong Neanderthal man suitable for breeding...

I totally just made that up, like you couldn’t guess

wiltingflower · 31/03/2021 17:31

Is it the thought that with a bit of help they could be reformed into a law abiding and good bad boy but still retain attractive attributes?

MadameMinimes · 31/03/2021 17:32

Social conditioning. There are so many books, movies, tv shows and other stuff out there that reinforce the idea that bad boys are “sexy”. A lot of “romance” in fiction revolves around women reforming bad boy characters. The trope of women making men “better” is very pervasive.

UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:32

I suppose it’s maybe and excitement thing? Bad boys may create more fun situations than someone who sticks to the rules all the time. Personally think bad boy is code for absolute arsehole and avoid like the plague.

Rainbowqueeen · 31/03/2021 17:32

Because we are socialised into thinking that we can change them, that all they need is the love of a good woman and that our own needs and wants should be ignored in favour of those of men.
Look at teenage rom coms.
It suits men to cast women in the role of rescuer.

Ginevere · 31/03/2021 17:35

Defo a type. I’ve never gone for the bad boy, I go a bit gooey over kind, responsible men. Given that you can’t control what you’re attracted to, I’ve always been super grateful that I’m attracted to good boys!

My mum, meanwhile, has awful taste. We often joke that if she likes a guy there’s something wrong with him- and there always is! I’ve asked her what she likes about them and she can’t answer, I personally think she likes fixing damaged people.

Original poster

Opal93 · 31/03/2021 17:35

LostInABlizzard that’s a really interesting point! “A lot of young girls have a fantasy about taming a bad boy, or about having someone who is horrible to everyone but them. Personally I think it’s a control fantasy” one of my friends has been with her boyfriend for a while and she is determined that he’ll change for her, and that underneath he is wonderful, only to be continually screwed over by him of course

OP posts:

MarieDelaere · 31/03/2021 17:36

Personally I think it's a control fantasy

Interesting. Re both sexes.

GreenSlide · 31/03/2021 17:40

I think it's a sort of stage you go through when you're figuring out personality types and so on. I think most people as they go through relationships and get to know what people are like eventually realise that actually when they thought they wanted a bad boy, they really wanted someone masculine, sexually attractive, strong, able to take control of a situation but will also be sensitive to their partners needs and feelings and be a good dad. It is sexy to see a man who is strong and knows what he wants and can push back and stand up for you.

The real bad boys are the ones who piss about doing things like smoking dope all day and night, having kids they don't support, never clean so they either live in filthy homes or their partner is like a skivvy to them, paying for sex or hanging round strip clubs, beating their wives and children. If anyone genuinely fancies someone like that, maybe they have self esteem issues, I don't know. It wouldn't be for me.

LauristonLane · 31/03/2021 17:52

For me, it was because I thought they would keep me in line!

The opposite is closer to the truth though, that I would walk all over the nice guy.

My DP is a nice guy, when I met him and said to a friend ' but I don't do nice men', she said 'yes but this one has just a little touch of mischief!'...and that has been the balance I needed.

minou123 · 31/03/2021 17:56

@MadameMinimes

I was going to say the same thing.

MadameMinimes has explained it very well

ilikebungalows · 31/03/2021 17:59

I think some of them think bad boys are exciting and edgy and the rest of us are jealous that they can get a bad boy and have an exciting edgy life whereas the rest of us can't. An ordinary (often nice) guy is boring by comparison. Just showing off really.

Susie477 · 31/03/2021 18:02

I wouldn’t say I was attracted to ‘bad boys’, but I definitely need someone who has the self-confidence and strength of personality to stand up to me.

I do not suffer fools, so I would walk all over a wimp, a doormat or a people pleaser. It would inevitably end in disaster because I would get more and more frustrated by their passiveness.

MiloAndEddie · 31/03/2021 18:07

I’ve often wondered this but I am really not attracted to bad boys and never have been.

I wonder if it’s because I had a boyfriend who seemed nice but actually turned out to have many ‘bad boy’ tendencies and made my life a misery.

I am attracted to kind, helpful sort of men, basically my husband

user20211 · 31/03/2021 18:12

Oh GOD I loved a bad boy in my time!! Had my heart broken by many too, like the true sucker I am and the many women before and after me.

I think I read somewhere that the attraction is that the woman likes to think she can turn the bad boy good and therein lies the attraction.

I kind of get that. I also think that so many women are attracted to the bad boy that if you're the one who he has "chosen" then you're super smug about it at the time. I certainly felt that way

Ended up marrying a party boy/but of a lad, but not a total "bad boy".

dworky · 31/03/2021 18:13

Many don't, I certainly never have been.

Those who do have low self esteem, why else would you want to be treated badly?

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