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Original poster

Why do women fancy “bad boys”

142 replies

Opal93 · 31/03/2021 17:22

I have a very good, loving husband but their is a well know bad lad in our town and I get butterflies when I see him! Would know better than to go anywhere near him though lol but he used to live opposite me as kids and even though he was a bad pig even then I fancied him like mad!! Almost ALL my friends have been through all sorts of shit after falling for a “bad boy” type, and I just ask myself WHAT on earth is the big attraction? Even when fantasising about male characters women love a bad boy a lot of the time! I just wonder what is it about them that is so attractive? Especially to younger girls, is it just cooler?

OP posts:
lazylump72 · 31/03/2021 18:15

In my youth I played with a lot of bad boys...the kick for me was breaking them.Total control and a right buzz knowing that for all their reputations I could literally bring them to their knees and make them want to keep coming back.Once I found their weakness and they displayed it,it was always me who lost interest. I have grown up a lot since and turned out quite normal now!!! The chase,the capture the release!

Happycat1212 · 31/03/2021 18:15

I’m not but it’s obviously very common. I think it’s about being the one who “tames” them for those that do though

Aria999 · 31/03/2021 18:16

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I never have. I like geeky men
Me too
Biscuitsanddoombar · 31/03/2021 18:19

@Rainbowqueeen

Because we are socialised into thinking that we can change them, that all they need is the love of a good woman and that our own needs and wants should be ignored in favour of those of men. Look at teenage rom coms. It suits men to cast women in the role of rescuer.
This x million

Women & girls are bombarded with this is books, in films & on tv

“He’s not really bad he’s just saaaad and the reason he behaves like a twat is because he’s soooo hurt inside. Only the love of a good women can save him”

Susie477 · 31/03/2021 18:24

Because we are socialised into thinking that we can change them, that all they need is the love of a good woman and that our own needs and wants should be ignored in favour of those of men.

Bugger that.

I’m like the New Zealand All Blacks, in that I operate a ‘no dickheads’ policy.

Sn0tnose · 31/03/2021 18:29

I’ve had shockingly bad taste in men in the past. If there was a criminal record, a drug habit, a reluctance to work, a liar, a cheat or a general shitbag within a ten mile radius, that is who I would date. Partly because I knew a lot of very passive men with no sense of humour who bored the socks off me and partly because I used to have lots of commitment issues so it was safe to date ‘bad boys’ because commitment was never going to happen.

It was a bit of a surprise when I realised that there were nice, decent, strong, funny men.

SplendidSuns1000 · 31/03/2021 18:29

It depends whether your version of a bad boy is a criminal or has bad boy behaviour or if they just have the bad boy look.

Dh isn't a criminal, partier or drug taker but is pretty scary and intimidating in a big bad biker way- i wouldn't fancy the criminal type of bad boy though.

Houseofvelour · 31/03/2021 18:30

I think maybe on a subconscious level, it's because some of us may like a project and want to be the one that gets them to change?
I dunno 😂 I always liked bad boys but got burnt too many times. I'm now with a good one and am so glad I married him. Even with him, at first, I wasn't even sure if I fancied him because he was 'too nice' 😂 (my maid of honour delighted in telling everyone this during a speech at our wedding)

Tehmina23 · 31/03/2021 18:32

I have never liked 'bad boys' I prefer men who are kind to people & animals, good looking but not arrogant about it, intelligent & interesting to be around...

Anyway my neighbour likes bad boys, her ex earns his money illegally, hangs out with a gang of similar lads, oh yes & he's very controlling & made her life hell...
I thought he was a bully, I could not stand him.

The bad boys & wannabe gangsters at school & in the local area always tended to bully those they looked down on... it's not an attractive trait to me.

Northernparent68 · 31/03/2021 18:38

@LostInABlizzard

In the same way some men fancy rude, sullen, obnoxious women who are dismissive to them.
Do they ?
BigFatLiar · 31/03/2021 18:40

I suspect when you're dating, the 'bad boys' seem like more fun. When you marry/settle down it comes as a surprise when the don't change.

What does surprise me reading so many of the entries on MN is the number who marry someone who mistreats them and goes on to repeat it by having a new relationship with someone just the same.

Lindy2 · 31/03/2021 18:42

I always quite fancied the bad boys. I come from a pretty straight laced family and went to a very academic, sensible school. I craved a little bit of badness and excitement. 😂

It was just fun dating them though. When it came to marriage and building a life together I went for a much safer choice and over 20 years later I'm still very happy with that.

BigFatLiar · 31/03/2021 18:42

Look at teenage rom coms.
It suits men to cast women in the role of rescuer.

Written mainly by women and nowadays verging on soft porn.

User133847 · 31/03/2021 18:43

It'll never change. There'll always be women that fall for the biggest brutes and arseholes.

User133847 · 31/03/2021 18:45

@wiltingflower

Is it the thought that with a bit of help they could be reformed into a law abiding and good bad boy but still retain attractive attributes?
No, it's just evolution. Nothing more to it.
midsomermurderess · 31/03/2021 18:47

I know someone who falls for these types; serial cheats, one was a drug dealer. She has zero self esteem, simply doesn't see that she deserves better.

MissConductUS · 31/03/2021 18:50

My first husband was a bit of a "bad boy". He turned into a chronically underemployed, entitled, irresponsible dick head over time. My current DH is a bit more quiet, geeky, and very successful. He's been a lovely husband and father. Thank god I never had children with the first one.

AgathaAllAlong · 31/03/2021 19:04

“He’s not really bad he’s just saaaad and the reason he behaves like a twat is because he’s soooo hurt inside. Only the love of a good women can save him”

This is so spot on. The hot sad boy, who only acts out because they are so smart and sad for the rest of these losers, but only you see through to their true wonderful self. The fact that only you see it, and that they have chosen you out of all of these other people to be their true hot and less sad self with, shows that you are both so special and meant for each other. Except often the guy is just a bit of a self important dick.

Agree also that there is another type of bad boy, the one who actually is harmful - those are had by women who don't think that they deserve any better, and who are manipulated into keep thinking that it's lucky that anyone wants them, awful as they are.

Somethingsnappy · 31/03/2021 19:09

It's a sexual/hormonal thing, isnt it? 'Bad boys' are associated with higher testosterone levels perhaps and therefore seem more manly?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 31/03/2021 19:19

As a few pp's have said, I agree that it is girls/women who set the bar low, or are insecure, maybe because of how their dad treated their mum, if their father was even around.

That sounds abit armchair psychology, sorry, but women who chose shit men, have been fucked over somewhere in their lives by a man and 'bad boys' can spot vulnerabilities a mile off. That's why women stay with men who don't call them, stand them up etc.

These so called bad boys aka, twats, feed these women breadcrumbs and they interpret that as love.

PugInTheHouse · 31/03/2021 19:25

I think it is purely for the sex. I mean I would take Damon from The Vampire Diaries every time over his nice brother Grin

PugInTheHouse · 31/03/2021 19:26

I would never have dated a bad boy long term, more short term hook ups!

Suzi888 · 31/03/2021 19:28

That they’ll be able to change them? I don’t get it eitherConfused

jessstan2 · 31/03/2021 19:38

Excitement. Seeing the seamy side of life. Going to places and meeting people that you wouldn't otherwise. Not boring.

Morgoth · 31/03/2021 19:38

There’s 1000 videos on YouTube and thousands of articles on the internet by social commentators and evolutionary psychologists and biologists discussing this.

Basically for all the reasons everyone has already said upthread. Bad boys are perceived to be more confident, assertive, not averse to risk, sexually confident, unpredictable, always back themselves, know what they want and get it, decisive, a maverick, secure in themselves, not desperate, a heartbreaker, an overall alpha male etc... it can be a very intoxicating combination of factors to a woman!

This bad boy archetype is then solidified and reinforced in romance fiction, films, books, TV and especially social dating situations in every single era (The age old nice guy loses the girl he likes to the exciting, thrilling bad boy but then she finally realises he’s a melon head and realises the nice guy was right for her all along).

It’s the same old story every generation!

I’ve dated both types of guys (mainly nice) but I’ve realised that both bad boys and nice boys have the capacity to break your heart!