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Original poster

Why do women fancy “bad boys”

142 replies

Opal93 · 31/03/2021 17:22

I have a very good, loving husband but their is a well know bad lad in our town and I get butterflies when I see him! Would know better than to go anywhere near him though lol but he used to live opposite me as kids and even though he was a bad pig even then I fancied him like mad!! Almost ALL my friends have been through all sorts of shit after falling for a “bad boy” type, and I just ask myself WHAT on earth is the big attraction? Even when fantasising about male characters women love a bad boy a lot of the time! I just wonder what is it about them that is so attractive? Especially to younger girls, is it just cooler?

OP posts:
BadLad · 01/04/2021 09:51

@benorjerry

I think this works both ways, men also fancy 'dangerous' women. Maybe we all crave some relief from the boredom of regular life though we would run a mile in reality.
It does. I've never read it, but I can imagine there's some truth in the book Why Men Marry Bitches.
BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 09:51

They're interesting,especially for women who've had a nice secure 'normal ' upbringing/life.
For those with low self esteem, it is a challenge to be loved by someone who is too 'bad' to love. Like taming a wild animal, an achievement.

BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 09:55

Slightly different perspective but I'm a lesbian who dated a notorious 'bad girl ' in my younger years. Drugs, prison, crime.. the lot. I guess I wanted to find her softer side and wanted to be on her arm as the normal fluffy one she loved it didn't work

Legoninjago1 · 01/04/2021 09:57

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I never have. I like geeky men
Same here !!
RUOKHon · 01/04/2021 10:00

I have only ever been attracted to one ‘bad boy’ in my life. But during that time I was really quite obsessed.

Years later when I was over it and able to look at it objectively, I think the main attraction for me was not that I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to be like him. He just did whatever the fuck he wanted, to whomever he wanted, and kept getting away with it. And I wonder if on some level, I wished I could do that too?

TheKeatingFive · 01/04/2021 10:02

I think it must just stem from caveman times when a rough tough 'bad' boy would be more able to fight a sabre tooth tiger if it attacked or could kill something to eat.

This

Doona · 01/04/2021 10:10

I think the main attraction for me was not that I wanted to be with him, but I wanted to be like him.

Oof same. Most of my early crushes were based on jealousy, although I only realized it later.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/04/2021 10:39

I read a study about this and apparently bad boys are more independent so you don't run the risk of becoming their mother which is always deeply unattractive.

MoChridhe · 01/04/2021 10:50

Bad boys tend to display confidence. Confidence is sexy.

DinosApple · 01/04/2021 11:01

I've always gone for geeks. There's something about a practical sort who can confidently fix things that definitely does it for me.

My friend when we were teens always liked the bad boy types who were a challenge. Even in our 20s she was dating a guy who had an ankle tag and telling me he was misunderstood!

Different strokes and all that. Perhaps it is the confidence thing, I like the confidence but not the danger Grin.

CounsellorTroi · 01/04/2021 11:09

Strength. Confidence. Dominance. All attractive to women. The nice guys tend to be more submissive and that isn’t attractive.

I disagree. Treating women as equal, generally and in relationships, isn’t submissive or a sign of weakness or lack of confidence. Rather the opposite. And it is attractive.

Biscuitsanddoombar · 01/04/2021 11:39

@CounsellorTroi

Strength. Confidence. Dominance. All attractive to women. The nice guys tend to be more submissive and that isn’t attractive.

I disagree. Treating women as equal, generally and in relationships, isn’t submissive or a sign of weakness or lack of confidence. Rather the opposite. And it is attractive.

Agree. My DH is it’s as far as the opposite of “bad guy” it’s possible to get but the idea he’s ‘submissive’ is hilarious

I married him precisely because he was the first man to treat me as an equal; all the others had either given in too easily or tried to play the big “I am” which I’ve zero patience for

Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 11:43

They’re not bad boys

They’re twat and / or rude and / or just not that in to you

VestaTilley · 01/04/2021 11:53

Speak for yourself. I think men like that are dickheads.

I really don’t like “all women” generalisations.

Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 12:00

@VestaTilley

Speak for yourself. I think men like that are dickheads.

I really don’t like “all women” generalisations.

Yes dickheads. Similar to my twat description

My point is the label “bad boy” has undercurrent of sexiness.

Whereas they aren’t sexy in the slightest.

They are just rude twats who maybe aren’t into you

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 01/04/2021 12:01

Depends what you mean by bad boy. My DH is a musician, bit too fond of a drink so on the surface maybe people might put him in this category but under that, he's a lovely, sensitive person and a solid family man. If you mean blokes in jail etc then I don't get why any woman would want that.

Toilenstripes · 01/04/2021 12:19

I can’t stand bad boys. I see them as supremely unintelligent. They might have the brute strength to slay a sabre tooth tiger, but then they’d quickly get eaten by its mate. In my estimation it’s much better to have a geek with a strong practical side who could get you off a desert island. 😆 I’ve thought way too much about this.

NinthCircle · 01/04/2021 12:34

@TrishM80

I don't know why women fancy "bad boys" but it certainly keeps the relationships board ticking over when they all come on there whingeing about them!
Actually, I think that's a good point. The assumption on this thread is that 'bad boys' are macho, swaggering, cool alpha male types who get away with murder and it's fabulously flattering to have their attention, whereas the 'bad DP/DHs' described in endless and horrifying detail on the Relationships board are a dreary mess -- poor parenting, addiction, laziness, selfishness, poor physical hygiene etc. Is this what the macho bad boys turn into, or just how they emerge on better acquaintance and/or when put to the test of raising children and running a house?

(Interestingly, it's never never 'bad men', because apparently 'bad boys' are cool and have a spice of danger, whereas 'bad men' sounds the same as 'bad women' -- just drearily criminal/immoral/unpleasant.)

NinthCircle · 01/04/2021 12:43

@MoChridhe

Bad boys tend to display confidence. Confidence is sexy.
There's a really disturbing set of gendered assumptions on this thread that 'niceness' is somehow only performed by 'submissive' men, or that 'submissive' is the opposite of 'bad boy'.

I know one lesbian poster up the thread said she'd gone out with a woman with a criminal/drug past, but I genuinely wonder how most straight posters who claim to love a 'bad boy' would feel a 'swaggering' adult woman with addiction issues, a criminal past, and a tendency to get into fights would be regarded.

Let me respectfully suggest she would be considered a fuck up. No 'undercurrent of sexiness'.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 01/04/2021 12:49

I worry more about self professed "good guys"
They are almost always utter wankers beneath the surface.

reprehensibleme · 01/04/2021 12:59

Agree with Sheryl Sandberg 'You should date whoever you want but you should marry the nerds and the good guys'. (I did that Grin).

SofiaMichelle · 01/04/2021 13:07

In reality, it's nothing to do with this romanticised theory of the level of testosterone and some evolutionary attraction mechanism, it's down to an innate lack of self worth and thinking that's all you deserve.

Dress it up all you want but it's bollocks to make out it's anything else.

MiddlesexGirl · 01/04/2021 13:08

Me too. I'm in my 50s so clearly not something that is grown out of!

Shetoshe · 01/04/2021 13:20

I think it must just stem from caveman times when a rough tough 'bad' boy would be more able to fight a sabre tooth tiger if it attacked or could kill something to eat.

Yes it's probably a hangover from that mixed with a dollop of internalised sexism. I married not so much a "bad boy" (in that he wasn't some sort of wild party animal who couldn't be tamed) but he would be a bit of a "tough" guy and against my logical feminist brain I loved the idea of him being the strong "manly" type who could always come to the rescue if needed Blush.

Turns out those types often have their fair share of internalised sexism too and it certainly caused issues when we had young DC and he prioritised bringing home the bacon while I did the "woman's work".

Gah... that backfired on me... but even when I wanted to kill him and was struggling with crying babies and dreaming I'd married my nice, dependable, "soft" ex who would have completely hands on with DC, I was STILL sexually attracted to the troglodyte?! I couldn't understand it and it took me a while but I figured out - as did he - that is was completely related to my cycle. On the days I was ovulating I would be completely attracted to him, so there must be some sort of evolutionary reasoning behind it. I sort of wished I had evolved beyond it though as many women less primitive than me clearly have!

Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 13:22

@MistyGreenAndBlue

I worry more about self professed "good guys" They are almost always utter wankers beneath the surface.
And something a little sinister