aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

[Stovetopespresso]

it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated

This is the biggest load of virtue signalling I’ve seen yet. You’re both ignorant and insulting OP, mainly of our intelligence if you think for one second you’ve refused to benefit at all from your inherited lifestyle and wealth.

I wear both my grandmother’s signet ring and also her engagement ring every day. I’ve been wearing her signet ring more or less constantly for the past 27 years. It doesn’t have a coat of arms on it - just her entwined initials. I don’t see anything wrong with family jewellery (one of my sisters has her wedding ring and her pearls, the other has her eternity ring and her watch).

OP I know exactly what kind of ring you mean, and the kind of man who would normally wear one. I’ve worked with a lot of this type of person. It is a signal that they are “Old Boys Club” types.

I would find it rather cringey and naff too.

@Stovetopespresso

no not racist particularly, I think the colonial suff happened after coat of arms was 'awarded', but isn't I a bit ooh look at me I'm posh, isn't it cooler just to tuck it away in a drawer?

Maybe he doesn't want to be cool though - and I am not sure wanting to be cool is any better than wanting to be posh (if he does want that).

I think it it's hard to say a family signet ring 'means' anything - unless there is something really overt on it - otherwise it just means whatever it signifies to the wearer, which perhaps in your DP's case is just a connection to people who've gone before him?

I work in a jewellers, we sell soooooo many for 16,18,21st birthday presents, to the slightly older generation who want one for a significant birthday... We have women of all ages asking for them too.
When my 90yr old grandpa died 4 years ago, we found 2,one that was presented to him for one of his big birthdays, and another older (1800's) broken one that when my 16yr old son turns 21 I will fix and size for him.
Oh we also sell them as alternative wedding rings so overall I think yabu

@Fluffyandsilly

OP I know exactly what kind of ring you mean, and the kind of man who would normally wear one. I’ve worked with a lot of this type of person. It is a signal that they are “Old Boys Club” types.

I would find it rather cringey and naff too.

Sure, but she married him and if he’s from that background then a ring doesn’t change that. Someone upthread mentioned Crazy Rich Asians. This can’t be new information!

It would be exactly the same as being embarrassed of your DH proud of a lower-class family tradition

Agreed.

It seems as though it is OK to be proud of and celebrate your family history so long as it is humble.

DH and I are far from "posh". We do have a small number of items passed down several generations - watch, medals, photographs, certificates. None of them of any great monetary value but they have sentimental value to us and it is a connection to our families past.

If we can treasure items from our family past why should your DH not do the same

@knocke

Trampling others? How conceited! 99.9% don't register it and/or do not care.

Why do you think people wear them? When the Middletons were awarded a coat of arms why do you think they had rings made if 99.9% of people don't care or register?

Maybe because they liked it the way other people like flashy cars, clothes with obvious logos, or flashy jewellery.

I think it's somewhat disingenuous to not acknowledge the past.
It's ok to say the ring signifies attitudes then, and historic progress has meant that people who came from unknighted stock are doing the same job that he is, and probably at a higher level, so it just shows that our wonderful times honour individuals from all backgrounds.

If he went back further he might find some scoundrels and peasants. Life's rich tapestry has ups and downs.

He isn't showing off. And this is an example of something quite different - not being unpleasant, but just commenting on attitudes - to Prince Harry always having to be known as a prince and a duke, in every sentence in which his name is mentioned, practically, which I do find uncomtemporary and inconsistent with bare feet and surprising people with his normality.

[quote Stovetopespresso]@ThrowingAShellstrop yes on his pinky. maybe I could suggest he turn it in to a Prince Albert [/quote]
Yes, do that, a cock ring is as classless as you’re probably going to get signet ring wise.

Here’s my signet ring guide (as there seems to be some debate between posh/naff etc), gleaned from my working class Eastender uncle who was a jeweller up west:

SR made of anything other than gold - Eastender
SR made of 9ct or 18ct yellow or old gold - Old posh
SR worn on little finger of left hand - old posh
SR with seal engraved coat of arms or family crest - old posh
SR with coat of arms or family crest in pristine condition - Made in Chelsea or employee of Foxtons estate agency
SR worn on random finger - Eastender
SR worn in a cluster of other rings - fashion item
SR engraved with entwined initials - Eastender
SR with small diamond in star setting - Eastender
SR with bark finished shoulders - Eastender
SR with seal engraved Carnelian or similar face - old posh
SR with onyx anything - Eastender
SR with Masonic symbol - dodgy as fuck
SR with college symbol - American
SR with nothing on its head, lightweight, cast metal - out of a Christmas cracker or from High street jewellery such as Ratners

disclaimer - I am neither for or against old posh or Eastenders
** if you are busy swopping your signet ring to your little finger you’re trying too hard and you should know nobody’s fooled.
if you’re old posh, drop the Estuary accent, nobody’s fooled by that either Tarquin.

I agree with you all the way, including backing down when you realised how much it means to him.
I dislike what they stand for too. Something to keep in the bedside or desk drawer ideally.
Did your DH’s family hold office in former British colonies? Or worse still were they involved in the slave trade? I always think of the Lascelles’ wealth deriving from this evil when we drive past Harewood House on the way to Leeds Bradford Airport.
I know the current family can’t help it and I think there is some sort restorative action attempt, - not enough in my view, but it is a deep, indelible stain.

I had my grandfather's resized for me - my dad didn't wear jewellery

I love how soft it is - 18ct, 6 grams of soft coloured gold with worn initials - you can just see the 'R' (we had the same initial)

I love it 🥰

@YouokHun 🤣🤣

[quote Stovetopespresso]@IHaveBrilloHair do you mean do I think so? yes I think inherited wealth and privilege are inhibiting social mobility and a ring could be a stealth boast, almost secret signal that a certain type (of man) gives off to another?
I think we need to change our view of history and what with blm, increased awareness of sexism etc so this ring might be passé[/quote]
Sorry...what?

I don't have any idea what you're on about. I doubt that a signet ring means anything like that to 99.9% of the population.

It's a piece of jewellery that has sentimental value to him. What he does with it is absolutely none of your business.

If your family doesn’t have a Coat of Arms then it’s just pretending to be something you’re not.

@Ohyesiam

it shows your family were baronets or something a long time ago

Really?

Be a shock to my dh who came from a long line of steelworkers.

Lol at 'baronets'

I might have reached underclass from 'scum'

There was a character in Agatha Christie's 'Death on the Nile' who hid his coat-of-armed signet ring in the drawer - 'Young Lord Dawlish' , I think, because he was socialist. And it was disingenuous. If rich and refined people of cultured education can approve socialism, then surely this elevates the beliefs in question to ethical principles because it shows that individuals don't just espouse causes which match their social set and ingrained attitudes. It's better if more privileged people say 'Look, I'm privileged in some ways, but I'm a socialist. I vote Labour. It's the right thing to do'. Your hubby could even make an argument for the squiry ethics and pastoral care of the 18th Century being closer to X or Y Labour leaders or MPs ( many Labour ones are quite posh) of today. He could take the line that he thinks Labour is the natural home of the discerning and critically-thinking. He doesn't need to be embarrassed and see a disconnect.

But, as an aside, I marvel at the way posters think Mumsnet is THE place to canvas for opinion about hereditary coat of arms and nice points of etiquette. Forget Tatler or whatever. And there are a few engagement rings threads on here, which I know, again from Agatha Christie - ' Hickory Dickory Dock', this time - are indicators of social class, as gentry in the early to mid 20th century and before used to spend a relative packet on the big-stoned engagement ring.

The thing is, everything is a signifier of wealth / status really. Even if people don’t think they’re doing it, they are. What they wear, how they act, talk, cars they drive, houses they live in. Class is something different and discussed so much on Mumsnet but if we’re talking about wealth and family background then we all display it and we all make judgements about it. Perhaps a signet ring - one with a family history and a crest etc is just another form of that? Is no one allowed to be anything other than working class anymore for fear of offending anyone? It’s all rather ridiculous.

The inverted snobbery is very real on mumsnet and yet everyone is very quick to fall over themselves to be classed as middle class on most of the threads about class.

The City is full of posh boys wearing signet rings on their little finger. They make my vagina clamp shut. Eugh. (And I quite like posh boys - I even married one. But there is a certain type that wears these.)

Some people would love to have something that made them feel connected to their grandparents and other dead relatives, so fair enough to your husband, even though such rings aren't to my taste.

@eurochick

The City is full of posh boys wearing signet rings on their little finger. They make my vagina clamp shut. Eugh. (And I quite like posh boys - I even married one. But there is a certain type that wears these.)

Quite. They’re usually insurance brokers who originally hail from Bromley.

It sounds like you care quite a lot about what people think of you, OP. Your DH sounds quite comfortable in his skin. I know which one makes for greater happiness in the long term.

Is it a Masonic one OP? My DF wears one that has been passed down and I always feel quite embarrassed by it, worn on the pinky it seems quite effeminate to me. I definitely feel the symbolism behind it is wrong and quite spooky, for reasons that I can't really articulate.