aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

[Stovetopespresso]

it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated

Lots of these responses are people either misunderstanding what a signet ring like the one you describe is, or misunderstanding why that’s a crass thing to be advertising in this day and age (particularly entertained by the idea that his ancestor might have ‘worked hard’ to buy it).

It's weird & I don't understand why people keep saying "I wear a necklace or ring my parents/gps gave me", so do I but that's not what the OP is about.

My DH also had a signet ring, one with an emblem from his Mother’s past. She was half Russian and half Belgian so not always a symbol of British imperialism.

I understand exactly the type of ring and person that we are talking about and tbh it is irrelevant whether they wear a signet. You can spot them the moment they open their mouth. It cannot possibly be a surprise to OP that her DH is from a particular background.

YABU clearly

@knocke

Lots of these responses are people either misunderstanding what a signet ring like the one you describe is, or misunderstanding why that’s a crass thing to be advertising in this day and age (particularly entertained by the idea that his ancestor might have ‘worked hard’ to buy it).

It's weird & I don't understand why people keep saying "I wear a necklace or ring my parents/gps gave me", so do I but that's not what the OP is about.

And what's it matter? It's his choice to wear it.

@bongsuhan that blog is amazing!

I think a few people have made the point already that you have a DH problem not a signet ring problem...

And what's it matter? It's his choice to wear it.

Of course it's his choice but the OP can have an opinion about it.

wtf are you talking about

What harm does it do for him to wear it? I don't come from a signet-wearing family, but if I did, I'd be hurt and insulted if my partner criticised it. I'd be hurt and angry if I felt they expected me to feel bad about my family's history.

No family on Earth has a perfect history, especially by modern standards. Wealthy or poor, we all have a few embarrassing stories and "bad uns" lurking somewhere in the family tree. There's nothing wrong with having a little pride in your family name and traditions.

Thats me doomed then. I have my great grandmothers signet ring on my little finger. She came from old money. I also have a ring that was my nannas. She was from old money too.

I’m quite middle class and I’ve never heard of signet rings being a sign of wealth/ heritage - I genuinely thought they were very very chavvy (for want of a better word)

Here in Italy signet rings are associated with the Mafia (kiss The Godfather’s ring as a sign of loyalty type of thing). Especially on the little finger.
DH started talking about a pinky ring for a significant birthday. I steered him towards a simple rectangular dark stone on a gold band.

YABU

I agree with him. It was horrible of you to trash his family tradition for no good reason.

Your posts appear full of prejudice, sustain and judgement. His family heritage is a part of him whether it be good, bad, rich, poor or whatever. This sounds very much like a “keep it in the cupboard, swept under the rug” kind of thing which generally doesn’t go well

@Gnomewithaview

I’m quite middle class and I’ve never heard of signet rings being a sign of wealth/ heritage - I genuinely thought they were very very chavvy (for want of a better word)

You’re thinking of sovereign rings. OP is talking about the type of signet ring that Prince Charles wears, with a coat of arms.

Hidden in a drawer wtf! I’d be hurt beyond hurt if someone (anyone let alone my partner) wanted me to hide my background.

Wow an actual champagne socialist! It's 2021, no one gives "secret" signs to others by wearing rings. I've worked with/for people of every social class. The way one behaves,speaks, the school you went to shows whom is whom. Signet rings were used to seal documents with melted wax...hence the aristocratic links.

Do you ask believe that freemasons control the world?

OP YANBU. It’s puzzling that loads of posters seem to have selective understanding of your post.

My DH is also from landed gentry/feudal lords (in another country) and this is something we literally never talk about or mention to anyone. I doubt any of our friends know.

In this day and age I completely agree with you that signet rings, and other signifiers of status inherited through generations, are better kept in the safe.

It would be exactly the same as being embarrassed of your DH proud of a lower-class family tradition

Either way you think you are too good for them, which is a very strange way to consider the partner you have chosen.

You are way overthinking this...

@Yellownotblue

OP YANBU. It’s puzzling that loads of posters seem to have selective understanding of your post.

My DH is also from landed gentry/feudal lords (in another country) and this is something we literally never talk about or mention to anyone. I doubt any of our friends know.

In this day and age I completely agree with you that signet rings, and other signifiers of status inherited through generations, are better kept in the safe.

That is as harmful and as odd as pretending that you didn’t grow up in a council house.

YANBU OP (and many posters clearly have no idea what type of signet ring you are talking about).
In our circle of family and friends, many have family crests and signet rings but most of them never wear them. I even know a few who have altered their family name in order to be more “discreet” during their education and professional life and not attract any bias. Usually the ones wearing these rings are those “living in the past” and keen to show they belong to a superior class.
Maybe you could gently ask your DH to compromise and only wear it in a family context?

In this day and age I completely agree with you that signet rings, and other signifiers of status inherited through generations, are better kept in the safe.

I love the fake naivety

Because it makes a difference if people wear a signet ring or not. Look at Prince Charles again: if he removes his, he gets confused for the local postman.

@Stovetopespresso does he have an ancestral home? If so then the presence of a ring makes little difference! 😆