aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

[Stovetopespresso]

it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated

@Aliensrus

Completely agree with you OP. I work in City finance and the pinky finger signet ring is definitely an upper class inherited wealth old boys club signifier. Not sure the other posters really get where you’re coming from.

Agreed, it's definitely a certain type of man that wears them. Plus the rings are ugly, so a definite no from me too OP.

Let him wear his ring if it floats his boat.

'you're no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. We're both quite left wing!' - I am completely perplexed by this. History is already whitewashed, hence why the statues of the slave traders were being torn down?

@hereyehearye

It’s one thing to be bothered by class inequality, and quite a different thing to resort to insult and to calling your opponents pathetic right wing twats.

I love how it’s okay for you to call me names, but when I point it out I’m condescending.

One can have differences of opinion without getting down to fishwife level.

@hereyehearye
Who is ‘rigidly enforcing’ accent and appearance?

Come on, people are not bothered about "class inequality" or anything of the sort,
people are miffed not to belong to the upper class or not being able to pretend to be part of it somehow.

That's what reverse snobbery is always all about.

I never knew signet rings had anything to do with 'class' and see nothing wrong with a man wearing one if he wants to. I bought one for my husband when we got engaged and he wore it most of the time, nobody thought anything of it, it was simple and plain. Anyway he eventually lost it :-).

[quote Yellownotblue]@hereyehearye

It’s one thing to be bothered by class inequality, and quite a different thing to resort to insult and to calling your opponents pathetic right wing twats.

I love how it’s okay for you to call me names, but when I point it out I’m condescending.

One can have differences of opinion without getting down to fishwife level.[/quote]
fishwife level?

crawl back under your rock, sweetie. no one is doffing their cap to you.

[quote Knitterbabe]@hereyehearye
Who is ‘rigidly enforcing’ accent and appearance?[/quote]
I'm pretty sure all the city boys in signet rings and red trousers are reinforcing accent and appearance. That's why all these jobs are full of city boys and no one who didn't go the right schools and the right prep schools can get a look in.

But apparently the class system is fine and long as it's subtle.

I feel exhausted and in need of a stiff drink just reading this. God knows what it must be like dealing with it in your marriage.

I never knew signet rings had anything to do with 'class'

I honestly mean that nicely, but who do you think tend to have family coats of arms?

To be fair if I saw someone wearing a signet ring I would imagine they got their fashion inspiration from Delboy out of only fools and horses.

Of course now I know its family tradition I think its great. I love that stuff

They don't all have family coats of arms. My husband's didn't. My dad had one too and didn't.

I suppose if your family has a coat of arms, and not many do, it is acceptable to have it on your ring but still has nothing to do with 'class'; in that case it's a tradition. Women wear signet rings too, my mother gave me one years ago and - guess what - I managed to lose it. It didn't have a coat of arms but our family did not have that anyway. It was a nice ring.

It's a silly thing to make a fuss about.

The OP is specifically talking about a signet ring that has a coat of arms on, that's it.

I wear a plain gold one, that's not what the OP is talking about.

I didn't realise having a coat of arms was anything to hide or be embarrassed about. If the guy wants to wear the ring and it is traditional in his family to do so, why not? I doubt anyone else would notice, frankly.

Far better than big rings with stones and sovereigns I would have thought.

To me, signet rings usually indicate estate agent on the lower end of the intelligence spectrum. I know several like this and I don't doubt the ring helps ingratiate them with those of similar ilk.

(I have a signet ring in my jewellery box and haven't touched it for years, nor would I.)

But I also think if he likes then why not, really. Those he thinks me might offend probably won't know or care what it stands for, so it's not as though he's doing anyone any harm.

Might lower your street cred in some of your friends' eyes, but so what! My husband lives in a Schoffel and I have just had to get used to that. He is not the fabulous novelist/acerbic barrister a teenage me dreamed of, but I still quite like him.

I don’t like signet rings particularly when combined with the red chino crowd. It IS a class indicator for them. But it is a very old tradition - Roman, Cretan etc.

Utter nonsense. Are we ok to hold on to items that don’t express so-called privilege? I’ve got my dad’s old chisels, is it ok to keep them or is that an insult to unemployed people who couldn’t afford to buy chisels?

@Jacopo

Utter nonsense. Are we ok to hold on to items that don’t express so-called privilege? I’ve got my dad’s old chisels, is it ok to keep them or is that an insult to unemployed people who couldn’t afford to buy chisels?

You can hold on to items provided (1) you aren't posh and (2) the item itself isn't posh or could be considered posh.

If you fail to meet the obligations of (1) and (2) above the item must be removed from you with force, if necessary, coupled with copious cries of virtue-signalling and "Tory scum". And then you shall be sent to re-education to repent your sins for a time to be determined by the MN hivemind.

I didn't realise having a coat of arms was anything to hide or be embarrassed about.

It depends on your point of view, some would say yes, some no.

Anyone can have a signet ring. Also, anyone can have a coat of arms (authentic if they have the dosh to pay for one at the College of Arms as involves proper ancestor research to make sure there isn't one in existence already that you might be entitled to use -otherwise, they will devise one according to your wishes and officially"grant" it - lots of art design and a beautifully written and decorated document involved, which accounts for the vast expense). You don't have to be posh. I think you are being poshist here.

This thread is ample evidence that signet rings still work as shibboleth.

Far better than big rings with stones and sovereigns I would have thought.

Yep far classier to have a coat of arms despite your ancestors links to slavery then a tacky diamond or chavvy sovereign, ever so common 🥱

This thread is ample evidence that signet rings still work as shibboleth

True dat!

I don’t like signet rings but I don’t find them classist. I don’t think they are some sort of secret sign you belong to the barronet club.

I agree op. Have always thought they were actually rather more naff than you though.
You were absol right to let things lie as it’s precious and meaningful to him.
Somewhere there’s a laugh to be found.