Reporting your son

[Aqua55]

Looking at the rape culture in schools, and having a 7 month ds myself, i was wondering how many parents would report their school aged sons to the Police if they suspected or knew that they had committed a sexual assault.

Would the non reporters be ok with there being no prosecution or action taken if someone raped or murdered their own child? It would cut both ways surely?

The case that sticks in my mind was a girl cycling through a park minding her own business pulled off her bike raped in some bushes hit on head with brick and left for dead. The attacher was a local teen. His parents on realising it was him drove him to the police himself. In that scenario you would cover up for your son? Really?

The original post asked about sexual assault, not murder.

Teenagers have developing brains and poor impulse control

Which is why the justice system for juveniles is completely different from that for adult offenders, including sentencing options and guidelines.

For those who say they wouldn't report, how would you feel if you enable your child to escape the consequences of a sex crime and that child went on to become a serial offender? Or if their crimes escalated and became more serious?

Is there a cut off point where you'd change your mind?

Daffodil there are numerous posters claiming they would never report under any circumstances.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks, well said.

And I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

Perhaps they wouldn’t.

There are several nuances and caveats and I think it’s impossible to definitively say what you would and wouldn’t do in every circumstance.

I don’t think the system, for adults or juveniles, is set up to support the offender into becoming a better person. I think there are circumstances where I’d report my son but for sexual assault as a teen - no.

There’s someone on another thread whose teenage son has been arrested for downloading hentai (cartoon) porn featuring teenagers. So, technically a victimless crime, I suppose, but a sex crime all the same as it’s images of underage children.

Would people here report that to the police?

(The son in question is autistic and said he didn’t realise it was illegal because they aren’t real people in the images.)

I would never report my son for anything, I couldn't possibly imagine 'reporting' your own child to the Police. Family always comes first, no matter what. I would blame myself for failing to raise him with moral code and honour and would do anything to fix it, however, never would I betray him

Why is it seen as a betrayal? If it's a murder, sex crime etc then not reporting it gives him means and outlet to do it again? Isn't that a bigger betrayal of your son?

Terrifying, the mindset of some parents.

For all those saying that they would not report their sons in any circumstances - what would your do if your son raped you?

I note that no one really answered the earlier post of what you'd do if a grandchild told you about a parent, your son - would you still ignore if your son raped you?

OK, rape of their mother is unlikely with pre and young teens - but as older teens or adults?
I've never been one of the "she deserved it" threads, but after reading some of the 'my son could do anything' responses on here, I can accept there are some situations, like covering up son being a sexual predator, where a mother would completely deserve that.

I can honestly say the possibility of my son raping me has never crossed my mind every and I find the way you threw it out more than a little distasteful, to be honest. I realise you are talking hypothetically but as someone holding their 15 week old son who is sleeping contentedly on my shoulder ... I really am revolted by that.

There are all manner of directions a life can go in and I can’t guarantee my son will never harm anybody and I can’t guarantee I will never be in a position where I would report him if he did.

But that doesn’t mean we need to sit down and list the most depraved and horrible stuff known to mankind and say ‘well would you report THAT’

@daffodilsandprimroses

The original post asked about sexual assault, not murder.

Do you understand that sexual assault can mean life in prison? I think this is why some are quite surprised at the responses.

Of course I know that, hence the ‘hung for a sheep as well as for a lamb’ mentality that exists. It doesn’t make them the same crime, though.

@WelcomeMarch

There’s someone on another thread whose teenage son has been arrested for downloading hentai (cartoon) porn featuring teenagers. So, technically a victimless crime, I suppose, but a sex crime all the same as it’s images of underage children.

Would people here report that to the police?

(The son in question is autistic and said he didn’t realise it was illegal because they aren’t real people in the images.)

Right. Well that argument legitimises abusive pictures of children.

It was the oldest trick in the book to say it’s a drawing- unfortunately because possession is motivated by sexual gratification, the fact that there is no victim does not make it excusable.

Being autistic would make no difference to the crime committed.

Okay, what if one DS raped another of your DC? What would you do then? If you didn’t report it, I can tell you that the child who was the victim would feel that you put their attacker first.

That is how I felt when my DM said to me, ‘But he won’t cope if he’s sent to prison.’ The emotional blackmail was very hard to deal with.

Shocker -- mothers can forgive their children almost anything. Or is it more shocking that many MNers didn't know this. Complementary question:

Would you report your daughter to the police If you suspected or knew that she had made a false claim or report of sexual assault?

Stupid hysterical neurotic thread.

I would, but I would also have to consider what he had done and how to support him because he has autism and this may impact on his understanding.

Absolutely understand that images of children even as cartoon is still classes in the same way for the reasons listed above, but someone with ASD really might not understand that unless it was explained to them due to literal/rigid thinking. This is why I will be spending a lot of time educating my son about how to operate around bodily autonomy, consent, online content, respect for others so that he does have more understanding. Unfortunately no one gives you advice on how to approach this with a child who has difficulties in understanding due to disability, so I will be looking for resources myself as I doubt he will be able to understand the sex education curriculum fully.

For those not reporting - it is no surprise that we as women will never feel safe. We won’t even take care of each other. So while you can blame men we really need to take some responsibility for this. Also I would recommend you watch 13 reasons why to understand the impact of sexual assault on young girls

I can’t believe someone is seriously suggesting 13 reasons why as some sort of documentary.

And I’m not convinced there’s anything to be gained by coming up with more and more revolting scenarios and triumphantly declaring that if we would/wouldn’t report them the argument is somehow lost.

As for the cartoons I did not see the thread but I’m not sure about that.

There is a difference between shagging someone in a dog costume and beastiality.

Absolutely understand that images of children even as cartoon is still classes in the same way for the reasons listed above
I didn’t know that - in the sense of ‘never even crossed my mind to think about it’ - when my children were teenagers.

My older child did know and warned me to check what her younger brother was coming across in his anime-mad phase. Hence it struck a chord. That scenario could genuinely have been us through ignorance.

I wonder how many of the people who say they would report their son, have young children so not familiar with what the reality of parenting modern teens. I also wonder if this would be different answers on an american site

Btw id report my brother, father or husband much quicker than id report a teenage son, but if i did know my son was behaving badly in that sort of way, then it would be dealt with seriously, even if police were not involved

@Choconuttolata I read parts of “Sex, mind and emotion” by Hillier, Wood and Bolton. There was another book or website, I can’t recall the title though, about a parent and son with Aspergers who wrote about their experiences re this thread topic.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't hand him in even if he'd committed a triple murder! If I found out about a sexual assault, i'd try to deal with it myself and get him education and help. Just being honest.

Just want to add, I'd report any other human on earth in a heartbeat. But I'd never report my children for anything. Aware that's probably immoral.

Lexmitior sexual assault is often punished with much shorter sentences... eg 5 years, out in 2 . Or less.. if the CPS bother to prosecute at all.