Reporting your son

[Aqua55]

Looking at the rape culture in schools, and having a 7 month ds myself, i was wondering how many parents would report their school aged sons to the Police if they suspected or knew that they had committed a sexual assault.

@Ncagaintoday
@ReginaFalange85 Maybe not your boys but some boys. My Dbro was the apple of DM's eye he'd babysit us, clean up, emotionally supportive a great son to her.
We went on holidays to a camp site 25 years ago his mate dared him to have sex with a not so pretty girl, he did and made a massive foolish laugh of her on the site.
I ran and told, DM beat him with a sweeping brush.
It was the day I saw men could/would lie for sex they don't even have to like you a little bit.

@Plumbear2

I think a more appropriate question be be son or daughter. As a parent to a 12 year old boy I'm becoming increasingly sickened that the media is portraying boys as sexual predators 😠 before they have even started in life.

@Plumbear2 - another one that wants to stick their head in the sand and pretend that teenage boys do not rape, maintain the wall of silence and taboos that keep victims from reporting, often manipulated or bullied into silence by their abuser? You don't think the life a ten year old girl that is raped is damaged? Maybe your son is not a sexual predator - but you can't pretend that no twelve year old boys are, or that their actions should be excused because of their young age - all in the cause of you not liking the truth being reported in the media.

@Ncforthistoday - how brave of you, I appreciate how hard reporting what happened must have been, but you did the right thing. I wish that my mother had had your courage.

@Penistoe We shouldn’t be focusing on reporting the kids so if you knew your son had raped his sister, or a peer from school, you'd prefer to keep quiet about it?

@Babygotblueyes -yes, exactly. Schools do not have the tools to mediate on this stuff and they should not be doing so. It should be really clear to all pupils what is expected, and that a failure to comply with any of the policy will mean further steps are taken.

Sexting for example - okay, set a phone policy.
Sexualised comments - okay, parents notified and possible suspension
Sexual assault - report to the police, first instance

Schools should not be mediating with parents, and they are. It must be very hard being a teacher with this stuff. They need a lot of help from the Government to have the authority to make it stick and they don't have it.

@ReginaFalange85

I am a mum of two sons who have been the strongest force I could ever wish to have. They support me through thick and thin. To hear males put down by women so rapidly hurts me. Maybe you don't have the same relationship. Seek it.

My mum would say the same about my brother. He groomed, abused and raped me for years.

@ReginaFalange85

I cannot talk to stupid people.

Are you actually going to answer any questions or just mumble along to yourself?

It’s always very interesting when the mothers (or wives) of apparently good men/boys would rather silence women and girls about their experiences than be angry at the other men/boys who have caused women and girls to have the opinions they do

It says such a lot

It really does. It's a sad truth that behind most predators is a wife or mother sticking by him in the wings no matter what and this is what this poster reminds me of

I am a mum of two sons who have been the strongest force I could ever wish to have. They support me through thick and thin.
Why are two DC aged 7&8 emotionally supporting their DM through thick and thin? DC should not be supporting parents like that so young.
Would it be a man who caused the thick & thin time in your life initially?

@ReginaFalange85

My boys are 7 and 8 but somehow they àre abusers. Disgraceful to read this. My boys have defended me in the most awful circumstances. You horrible people that have your 2.4 lives, check his test messages.

Why have your boys had to defend you? What an odd thing for such young children to have to do.

BTW literally NO ONE said your boys are abusers. Stop making things up.

@Emeraldshamrock

I am a mum of two sons who have been the strongest force I could ever wish to have. They support me through thick and thin. Why are two DC aged 7&8 emotionally supporting their DM through thick and thin? DC should not be supporting parents like that so young. Would it be a man who caused the thick & thin time in your life initially?

This !!!!

Well yes... if its real, those boys sound like they parenting their mother.

@Emeraldshamrock

I am a mum of two sons who have been the strongest force I could ever wish to have. They support me through thick and thin. Why are two DC aged 7&8 emotionally supporting their DM through thick and thin? DC should not be supporting parents like that so young. Would it be a man who caused the thick & thin time in your life initially?

It's odd isn't it. And it's very damaging to children to use them as an emotional crutch. At that age they went the support of a parent, not the other way round. the parent should be the strong force in the relationship!

It isn’t always black and white. I haven’t had to deal with the question whether or not I should report my DS (I don’t have a DS), but my DSis and I did have to decide whether or not to press charges against our DB. He was the only one left who could have been taken to court, as the others were dead. (One was alive and carefully investigate, but the CPS decided that there wasn’t a realist chance of conviction.)

My DB had joined in with the abuse, but he was also being sexually abused himself. There was absolutely no indication that he had been an abuser as an adult and he was also very vulnerable and badly damaged. So when the police decided that there was no public interest involved in prosecuting, we agreed that we wouldn’t pursue it. (They would have pursued it if we’d decided to press charges.)

My DM was very defensive of my DB, went on about how he wouldn’t cope in prison; she’d forgotten that we were going through hell ourselves being faced with that decision.

So my DM’s instinct was to defend her DS. We decided ourselves not to pursue the charges but the consequence was that we had no contact with my DB. (We’re not NC, we exchange Christmas and birthday presents and I’ve had a couple of awkward meetings with him. He idolises our F, which makes it hard to be around him anyway.)

@Mittens030869 I'm so sorry. It must be very difficult seeing him and hard knowing he was abused too.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows Very odd description 7 & 8 years old defending their DM in the most awful circumstances now emotionally supporting DM.
A lot for their little shoulders.

@sergeilavrov

I have two sons, and it makes me anxious to even consider they would behave in such a way. I will probably got flamed for this but if I’m truly honest with myself, I would believe the person reporting yet would act to insulate my sons from any life changing consequences. So, if they can enter a sexual treatment program in another city or country; pay for the support the woman needs. That goes against everything I believe as a survivor, and makes me a hypocrite - yet I know it’s probably my likely reaction. My DH would probably not protect them. In the country we live in, sex crimes are almost always a death penalty offense, something we both support. I just couldn’t allow that to happen to my children.

We are so quick to talk about consent for things like hugs and hand holding and chasing in the playground, big on personal space, and that girls see the world differently. I hope this makes it so I never have to do the wrong thing at the expense of someone else.

I think a lot of people would do the same.

I’d like to think I’d have no problem reporting my child (I don’t have boys) but if I knew with 100% certainty their lives would be at risk, I’d definitely fight to protect them as much as I could. I know I would draw the line at serious and violent crimes (murder) or crimes against children though, those I would have no doubt I’d shop them for.

I think the point is that these are crimes against children - girls at school. The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in England.

@Ncagaintoday glad you popped back. I've been thinking about your situation a lot and have huge sympathy for you. I imagine it would be like your child died, but you'd be a "monster" for grieving. Inconceivable for almost anyone and obviously we all think it would never be "our son".

I have 3 sons.

No, I wouldn't report them. And I think a good proportion of those that say they would are either outright lying or, whilst they like to believe they would, probably wouldn't when push came to shove.

@BurgundyBells so you'd let them get away with it and likely go on to attack other girls

@waterlego

There was, I believe, one case in UK history in which a woman was convicted of rape, as a ‘joint enterprise’*, because she had been restraining the victim while a man committed the rape. Hideous.

Acting alone though, no, a woman cannot commit rape according to UK law.

*‘Joint enterprise’ might not have been the wording of the charge, but it was something along those lines. ie she assisted and enabled the crime to take place.

some of these women saying they'd keep quiet and protect their little darlings whatever, and not report them whatever they'd done - would probably dumbly stand by, watching and restraining the victim

I didn’t need to report as he’d already been arrested and was on remand. I supported the prosecution’s wish for him to receive a conviction and custodial sentence. At that time he was a danger to others and himself.

As a mother of sons it does not mean that I support and protect them at the expense of public safety.

@BurgundyBells

I have 3 sons.

No, I wouldn't report them. And I think a good proportion of those that say they would are either outright lying or, whilst they like to believe they would, probably wouldn't when push came to shove.

So you'd let them get away with heinous crimes then?

@BurgundyBells so you'd let them get away with it and likely go on to attack other girls

Those are your words, not mine. I just answered the question honestly. No, in the vast majority of circumstances I wouldn't report my son.

[quote BurgundyBells]**@BurgundyBells so you'd let them get away with it and likely go on to attack other girls

Those are your words, not mine. I just answered the question honestly. No, in the vast majority of circumstances I wouldn't report my son.[/quote]
@BurgundyBells they're not "my words", that's the reality that you have to face if you're gonna take this stance. Do you think predators stop at one victim? No, and by keeping his secret you're enabling more attacks.

Genuine question: say you ignore their first offence - what about their 2nd, 3rd, 4th? His 25th? Is there any point where you WOULD report him?

@Medeaaah

I would never report my son for anything, I couldn't possibly imagine 'reporting' your own child to the Police. Family always comes first, no matter what. I would blame myself for failing to raise him with moral code and honour and would do anything to fix it, however, never would I betray him.

Never? Not even for murder, or terrorism?

Bloody hell.

I was shocked when the someone I know covered up a serious motoring offence for her 17-year old, but I like to think they would report the child for a sex offence.