Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Panicking that we cannot afford this baby and we will not cope.

327 replies

Redrosesblue · 29/03/2021 22:51

I have just found out I'm pregnant and completly freaking out. DD has just celebrated her first birthday this week and this is a completely unplanned pregnancy.
We always planned to start TTC for DC2 when DD was at least 2 years 3 months so that by the time the baby arrived, she would definitely be entitled to her 30 free hours childcare. I earn good enough money and am the breadwinner. DH is self employed and his income has been hit hard by Covid (perfectly timed for mat leave with DD1 to start) and I ended up going back to work much earlier than planned to make sure we were okay.
There's no way we can afford double the childcare. DD will only be 1 year 8 months when this baby arrives so even if I take her out of childcare for my mat leave, she'll still be far off 3 by the time I need to go back to work which means double the childcare fees! I am terrified. We cannot afford this baby. I also suffered very badly with hyperemesis last time and I don't know how I will cope. DD is still breastfed to sleep and DH can't get her to sleep on his own. There's so many reasons why this is just not a good time! I'm so scared. I don't want to have to consider termination and never ever thought I would need to but I am so worried that there's no way we can make this work.

OP posts:
smigg · 29/03/2021 23:55

are you paying pension/student loans as take home should be higher?

Lalliella · 29/03/2021 23:56

I think a loan is the answer. You’ll have to pay for childcare for 2 in total at some time one way or another so why not take the hit now and pay less later? Your total outgoings over the years will be the same. I think a small gap is really nice, they’ll be little playmates! Congratulations by the way, if that’s appropriate.

Original poster
Redrosesblue · 29/03/2021 23:57

It's not that DH brings in nothing for months, it's that he can not get paid for months and then he'll get a larger payment that has to last longer. his business partner would also have to give up work if he did so it really is not a good option for him to stop.

OP posts:
smigg · 29/03/2021 23:57

Can DH get another job, I know it will be a wrench to give up everything

Original poster
Redrosesblue · 29/03/2021 23:57

Yes, pension is 9.3% NHS. No student loans

OP posts:
Yaya26 · 29/03/2021 23:59

Don’t shoot me for raising it anyone - sick leave for an extra few months at the end of your mat leave for DC2? Most women in my work tend to lengthen their mat leave this way sometimes for genuine reasons- exhaustion if they have a couple of young kids - not yet sleeping through the night etc. We get 6 months full pay sick leave.

smigg · 30/03/2021 00:00

you need to get dd1's childcare bill down. can you not reduce some days?

DipSwimSwoosh · 30/03/2021 00:01

Wow! I extended my mat leave with unpaid parental leave not for financial reasons, I wanted to make the most of my dc when little. I had 14 months off but would never have gone off sick! This might be an option for OP if you want more time with the kids and no childcare costs for an extra fee months.

Original poster
Redrosesblue · 30/03/2021 00:02

I already do 4 days condensed hours. Nursery is £6 an hour, we need 10 hour days. DH works 5 days and does pick up and drop off but has a 40 minute commute so still need the full 10 hours so cover his travel time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redrosesblue · 30/03/2021 00:04

I would feel too bad I think. I'd only been in this job 4 months before I got pregnant the first time. Now I've barely been back that amount of time again and here I am pregnant again. I bet they're thrilled they hired me

OP posts:
Original poster
Redrosesblue · 30/03/2021 00:06

I really appreciate all of your input. Thank you. I hadn't thought about a loan. And I suppose you're right in that the cost is the same it's just how spread out it is as we were always hoping for 2 children. Maybe this is an option to help with the financial worry at least. Thank you.

OP posts:
Littlebluetable · 30/03/2021 00:06

I think there's a few good suggestions here - like reducing the number of days your oldest is in nursery if possible - especially when you are on mat leave. It would be shame to pull her out completely but that would be a compromise. Local authority nurseries are often cheaper than private ones so that is something else to think about, if it's an option (often they are better too IMO). Childminders are much cheaper and your oldest one would still be getting the benefit of socialising with others. You will get a bit more child benefit, although slightly less than you get with first child I think. Reuse all your baby things - that will be a huge saving! Could you downgrade cars? Make sure you are doing Compare the Marker type things for all your bills. Cost saving everywhere could make a big difference. Agree that costs will be the same overall no matter when you had DC2. Also, perhaps speak to family about it. You've no reason to be embarrassed.

blueshoes · 30/03/2021 00:07

@Yaya26

Don’t shoot me for raising it anyone - sick leave for an extra few months at the end of your mat leave for DC2? Most women in my work tend to lengthen their mat leave this way sometimes for genuine reasons- exhaustion if they have a couple of young kids - not yet sleeping through the night etc. We get 6 months full pay sick leave.
Disgusting. I don't know any woman who does this in my workplace. If they did, they will be remembered.
smigg · 30/03/2021 00:09

based on your total incomings & outgoings can you save £500 a month till may leave?

firedog · 30/03/2021 00:11

@Redrosesblue

I would feel too bad I think. I'd only been in this job 4 months before I got pregnant the first time. Now I've barely been back that amount of time again and here I am pregnant again. I bet they're thrilled they hired me
Not your problem. It could be thus year or next. It's common tbh
Original poster
Redrosesblue · 30/03/2021 00:15

I can certainly try and save more. I've been saving £300 at the moment, I do buy DD unnecessary clothes and toys (just because I could) that obviously I will stop and try to be much more mindful on food shopping trips.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 30/03/2021 00:15

Could you extend your mortgage?

Notimeforaname · 30/03/2021 00:16

Disgusting. I don't know any woman who does this in my workplace. If they did, they will be remembered
I've lived and worked in 2 different countries and it was/is the done thing for a lot of women.

BillyIsMyBunny · 30/03/2021 00:18

I can understand not wanting to change your DDs nursery right now, however if you’d be pulling your DD out of childcare for the 9 months of your mat leave then after such a long break it wouldn’t be a terrible disruption for her to then start both children at a childminders. It would be a cheaper solution so far more manageable with two of them.

PurplePansy05 · 30/03/2021 00:22

I think we need to get away from thinking it is expensive, and rather, see it as an appropriately priced service.

I think we need to stop justifying the UK governments doing absolutely fuck all for parents on average or slightly above average income in terms of supporting them with childcare costs and encouraging working. We are squeezed like lemons. Childcare costs in this country per family are extortionate and disproportionate and it's not because people don't make much money but because people on middle incomes get no or barely any help making it impossible. If you ever bothered to compare the costs with any other EU country, your jaw would drop and this would be an eye opener. The UK is an unsupportive shithole for most working parents and consecutive governments onlg look at shifting the costs on parents and not offering them any relief whatsoever. It's an absolute disgrace.

OP 💐 it's very stressful and a shock to the system. I'd say get a loan. Get it as late as you can, save up as much as possible now and get a longer term loan. This plus get DH to work a second job/more hours/change jobs for the time being. You will make it work. Don't forget increased child benefit and some nurseries give a sibling discount too. Every little helps! xx

smigg · 30/03/2021 00:22

if you save like mad, don't use childcare whilst on mat leave (you can sometimes find morning sessions that are a bit cheaper then nursery) & then move both to a childminder you may be ok.

TheGriffle · 30/03/2021 00:25

Just a quick Google on the loan idea, £15000 (roughly 9 months nursery for both kids) repayments over 3 years is nearly half what your paying currently for nursery so a loan might not be a terrible idea.

Panicking that we cannot afford this baby and we will not cope.
Hoorayforsunshine · 30/03/2021 00:26

Hugs OP - in some places childcare is available from 2 if you are below a threshold income. Try to speak to your council and see if there is any available provision.

You will make it work. Congrats on your pregnancy.

Ailurusfulgens · 30/03/2021 00:26

Definitely find out if you can go interest only on your mortgage. Alternatively extend the term to bring the monthly payment down.

HoppingPavlova · 30/03/2021 00:27

What about the option of your DH working weekends? That would actually suit a lot of working people as well who prefer to be home while people are in their yard doing the tree, win/win. It may be inconvenient for the partner but is only for a year and may be a better option for the partner short-term than the business folding?