Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

Totally agree Op.

I posted about a situation where one spouse died and shafted their partner (married) in their will.
Initially I posted it as gender neutral, but eventually revealed it was a husband who had been left destitute by his wife. That's when the tables turned and posters became very abusive about a man in his position, daring to challenge her will. If it had been the other way round he would have been supported

OW on MN tend to get a pasting.

I'm incredibly interested at the OP posting 3 things which IMO highlighted their own double standards more than anything else!

Lots of hurt feelz on this thread. Awww 😘Has it come as a shock that some women think different things from other women? Or that not all women subscribe to 'be kind'?

I'm also not sure how a woman being angry/ upset at something that happens in her personal life is a proof that MN / women are terrible for double standards.

The fact that it was the man who was married but his behaviour got no mention also is a double standard

And not sure why this person is being singled out anyway tbh.

@notanothersaveusername

Totally agree Op. I posted about a situation where one spouse died and shafted their partner (married) in their will. Initially I posted it as gender neutral, but eventually revealed it was a husband who had been left destitute by his wife. That's when the tables turned and posters became very abusive about a man in his position, daring to challenge her will. If it had been the other way round he would have been supported

The same posters changed their mind about what advice to give after a gender reveal?

Link?

I didn’t say women are terrible for double standards. I used it as a common scenario I see on here, that has double standards.

When people say “you wouldn’t say that if this was a man”, I can well believe the poster would actually say that. They are consistent, it’s just that on average they don’t post on the opposing threads

You can’t know that if they don’t post though! How can you possibly tell what advice they’d give if they don’t post?

I can definitely see that women would get different advice on certain subjects - as I said upthread, sex after childbirth being one that springs to mind. I don’t see how posters can give contrary advice if the OP doesn’t say what sex they are, and if the OP does announce their sex, it’s often because it’s relevant to the OP. Which means it’s likely to get different responses because like it or not, there are lots of areas of life where men and women are not treated exactly the same in all circumstances.

Longish post, raising a number of very serious issues relating to the lack of respect for women's boundaries. And of all the sentences there, OP sees this:

And yes, unfortunately, this is a particular problem with men, who as a sex class often seem wilfully deaf and blind when a woman politely brushes them off.

And instantly shrills that I am vilifying all men. Note 'sex class'. Note 'often'. The two are true. Perhaps, as Pumper suggests, you might want to look up what these terms mean.

Shown your hand there. MRAs - of both sexes - must be bored this lockdown.

Well you may see it often but have you heard of confirmation bias?

I feel like this site is awash with MRA at the moment. It probably isn't but I think I notice the MRA posts more than others probably.

Interestingly people who are sure they aren't biased are usually the most biased of all.

NiceGerbil, I think the MRAs are out in force at the moment. They must be feeling worried that women are speaking to each other which is encouraging 😄

Because I said having an affair with a married man then wondering why he is fickle enough to go back to his wife is a double standard?! I’m suddenly a men’s rights activists?!

What does what one woman does in her personal life show about anything?

I haven't seen the thread but sounds like she got dumped and was upset. It happens.

The double standard you do see around this in society and on here is that the OW often attracts far more condemnation than the married man. Even if she's single.

I never said you were an MRA!

Anyway

I've been trying to think why over the years I've seen so many posts saying some version of MN is sexist, double standards, men are vilified etc etc

When examples are given they're usually not half as bad as what men do to women/ say about us.

Obviously 2 wrongs doesn't make a right and when people commit crime they should face the law and etc.

But the examples are so weak in the face of what we put up with I just think, where is this coming from? Why do you feel so strongly that you have gone to the effort of starting a thread to say how awful all the women on here are.

I just thought it's probably because most men aren't used to hearing what women think, how they feel, what experiences and knowledge have made them think that way. Or if they hear about it they kind of dismiss and forget it, in the main (metoo etc). In daily life we tell each other this stuff not them, usually. Or some but not all. Is it about being privy to how women talk and feel and experience and not liking it? Wanting us to shut up?

I mean I'm happy to have a conversation about it but the OPs never seem to want to actually discuss it. You say what about this and that and they just ignore you. So why do they bother coming?

Oh and of course some women agree with them which is up to them obv!

Before I get accused of sexism.

Also, NAMALT of course.

YANBU

They’re ignoring you gerbil because you go onnn and onnn.

I said one thing and you’ve been banging on about it all day. You’re switching me off.

The thread is about double standards on MN, I say a thread scenario that I see regularly and has double standards, and you just started off on one

'I mean I'm happy to have a conversation about it but the OPs never seem to want to actually discuss it. You say what about this and that and they just ignore you'

None of the points or questions are ever answered though. Not just mine.

Like you've just handily not addressed the point that with affairs the woman is usually the most vilified, on here and in society.

Instead you just say you're boring I don't want to talk to you. Well you don't have to read my posts so that's all good.

@NiceGerbil

Anyway

I've been trying to think why over the years I've seen so many posts saying some version of MN is sexist, double standards, men are vilified etc etc

When examples are given they're usually not half as bad as what men do to women/ say about us.

Obviously 2 wrongs doesn't make a right and when people commit crime they should face the law and etc.

But the examples are so weak in the face of what we put up with I just think, where is this coming from? Why do you feel so strongly that you have gone to the effort of starting a thread to say how awful all the women on here are.

I just thought it's probably because most men aren't used to hearing what women think, how they feel, what experiences and knowledge have made them think that way. Or if they hear about it they kind of dismiss and forget it, in the main (metoo etc). In daily life we tell each other this stuff not them, usually. Or some but not all. Is it about being privy to how women talk and feel and experience and not liking it? Wanting us to shut up?

I mean I'm happy to have a conversation about it but the OPs never seem to want to actually discuss it. You say what about this and that and they just ignore you. So why do they bother coming?

I think it’s because they can’t. It’s a kind of double-edged sword to take a stance that centres men because there isn’t really a scenario where anyone can say ‘this leads to THIS in our society’ that’s anything like what misogyny does. So logic dictates that women have it worse, and there’s no argument to be had there. And nobody on the internet ever says ‘you’re right, I’ve thought about it and I’m wrong’!

Also I think a lot of people, when told the scale of sexual assaults on women in all its various forms as we grow up, think ‘oh, it can’t really be that bad, SOMEBODY would have done SOMETHING about it if it was’.

Oh sorry @NiceGerbil I’ve got my threads mixed up, I forgot this was the double standards one.

Yeah, I don’t know why there haven’t been better arguments for the double standards.

eh Chris Browne was not forgiven, it still sticks rigidly to his reputation and many were put off by him

@thatwasme22 Chris Brown has sold 140 million records, the vast majority after he battered Rihanna.

What exactly do you classify as forgiveness if a successful career isn't an indicator?

@thatwasme22

''Where’s the double standard on this thread? What am I looking for?''

maybe if a thread like that about women was put up on a male dominated site and it was linked to mn, mn would go ballistic.

Well considering there's probably about a million threads where men talk about the attractiveness of women on various forum sites....where are all the women going mental??! I don't see any? Do you?

@thatwasme22

''P*ntnet is a male dominated site, have a look at what they say about women over there. That will honestly blow your mind.''

and again what happens on other sites is NOT relevant to the double standards on mn.

Eh???!!!!!

You've just said it is! You've just said the double standard exists because "MN" would "go mental" over stuff on other sites.

Wise up OP and think about what you say before you post

@thatwasme22

''Any proof of this, or do you believe your predictions to be fact?''

maybe read every third thread on mn and there is a rant over how vile males are for leering at women, commenting on their looks etc.

Well it is vile to leer over women - what's your point? Or are you one of these folks who think we should be flattered?